These sentences are different.

[AndTime]

AIBU to think these sentences are not the same.

So what was actually sent via message:

Was that hot? Can I go hotter?

To which I replied: I can handle it hotter, not every time, I wouldn't want to blow my tongue off every time but I can take it if you want it hotter.

Now DP had taken offence because I have said his curry isn't hot enough.

In his head what he asked was;

Was that hot enough or can I go hotter for you?

So my response apparently confirmed that it wasn't hot enough and I would prefer more spice.

AIBU to say that what he actually asked me is definitely not the same as what he thinks he asked and regardless my response is clear that I was already happy with the heat but could accommodate more if it's his preference?

The actual conversation wasn't about curry, however it works exactly the same way in the conversation, so my AIBU is literally about the question asked. So please don't suggest adding yogurt to the plate

I'd tell him not to ask questions if he can't cope with an honest answer.

Your reply is key here - you've said: I can handle it hotter, not every time, I wouldn't want to blow my tongue off every time but I can take it if you want it hotter.

To me that's clear you'd only have it hotter to accommodate his preference, and on your own part you're fine with it as it is.

I think what he actually meant by Was that hot? Can I go hotter? was praise me! Adore me! I made something!

@CassandraTrotter

I think what he actually meant by Was that hot? Can I go hotter? was praise me! Adore me! I made something!

That's a very good point!

I desperately want to know what the actual conversation was about... Who was going down on who?

What do you mean by taken offence? If he is sulking or angry it bring a dick over a very straight forward non-offensive answer which he imagines dents his male ego, id be considering that a red flag.

is this about sex and he thinks you are saying his nob isn't big enough or something?

@TowelStripes

I desperately want to know what the actual conversation was about... Who was going down on who?

I thought that too

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

is this about sex and he thinks you are saying his nob isn't big enough or something?

Yoghurt might still work…

I bet this is about sex.

On the face of it your husband is massively over sensitive and put you in an impossible position by asking for some specific feedback then getting annoyed at you because you didnt give the 'its perfect!' Answer

@CassandraTrotter

I think what he actually meant by Was that hot? Can I go hotter? was praise me! Adore me! I made something!

Yea I think that's the kind of response he was expecting.

If he has made the question about my preference I would have given him all the praise, it's perfect well done blah blah.

But anyway yes I read that as him asking was it good for you or would you like more and you said yes it's good for you me but I'll take more occasionally if it's what you want.

And yes I also think it's about sex. That's the only situation I can think of where someone might get that sensitive over how they ahave performed!

This is 100% about BDSM isn’t it

Was it really, was that hard? Can I go harder?

I should have known that you lot would need to know specifics.

It is a sex question yes. Which is probably why my response has hurt his ego. However I was equally annoyed because I thought we had a good time, then the next day he asks can he go further.

Regardless the sentence he actually asked and my response still apply!

Was it really 'was that hard enough for you or can I spank you harder?'

He's testing your boundaries/ limits. I think you need to be extra specially clear and form about where they are. Much more than curry.

*firm

Him saying can I go hotter sounded like asking permission as it wasn't hot enough for him and he toned it down for you.

As a broken chilli head who often tones down my curries for whoever I'm cooking for, I have to ask the opposite question, "was it too hot?"

Unfortunately some competitive men see this as a challenge and regret it later

Regardless the sentence he actually asked and my response still apply!

Yes it does, your response was very clear and he is being childish.

It does make a difference though because sulking over curry and sulking over sex are very different things. Even if he hadn’t misunderstood your meaning it’s not at all cool to sulk because you state a preference or give him an honest answer to a question.

Oh god I am going to have to give the exact details or you are all just going to guess.

Ok - we are both fond of rough sex (sometimes) not every time for me.

We have done it before and both times he has said he is disappointed afterwards.

Now he says he is disappointed that he wasn't rough enough for me. Like he thinks he talks the talk but doesn't back it up. But that's not what he has said at the time.

So when he says "was that rough, can I go rougher?" To me that sounds like yet again he was disappointed.

So I say exactly what I put in my OP, I can take it rougher but I wouldn't want to get hurt.

So he thinks he wasn't rough enough for my liking I and I think what does this guy actually want to do to me!

To add fuel to the fire, he had previously mentioned in conversation that his ex let him do whatever he wanted so now I feel pressured to live up to that standard too.

Just hurt feelings all round I think, the sex was actually really good from my point of view.

Hahaha x post ffs it really was about sex

Oh OP, so many red flags in your post. Are you ok?