My memory is shot - am I alone?

[FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo]

As a teenager I had a fabulous memory and could recall pretty much anything.

Since life became more accountable (and especially since I have a child), it’s wavering - I can remember conversations I have with people and work related data, but films and books are gone within days. I read 5 books in the past two months - ask me what they were called and what happened and I can’t tell you a thing. Yet I can recall books I read 15 years ago.

I suppose I’m wondering if it’s it me personally, or if it’s the stress of the times - I’m a grown adult needing to remember a wealth of life admin, work shit, school things, social events, etc - and even though I made an effort of mindfully reading or watching (i.e putting my phone down and actually paying attention and rereading bits if my mind wandered) it’s still all so forgettable.

I think my life is made up with so much ‘real’ things we need to deal with that it doesn’t have the capacity to retain the entertainment fodder. But I don’t value that any less than ‘life’ things either. So

So AIBU to think this is an unfortunate consequence of having responsibilities? Or am I BU and it’s not normal?

I'm not sure because I've always had a horrendous memory. It's so bad, I'm always forgetting the names of people I know, flowers I've planted in my garden, books I've read, where I've put my keys etc etc If it hadn't been the same my whole life I'd be seriously worried that I had early onset dementia or something!

I don't know, but I'm the same. 46, 2 school aged kids, responsible for much of the general household 'remembering'..but entertainment etc- forgotten in a matter of hours. I sometimes worry that it's a sign of early onset dementia- but I seem to retain all the 'nuts and bolts' info, so hopefully not.

Thank fuck it’s not just me. I’ve got three kids and two have Sen and I work part time and I feel like I’m hugely forgetful. My DH thinks it’s funny but then he’s only looking after himself and work. The life bits fall to me.

Same boat as @PatButchersEarring.
Sometimes I just feel so …incompetent?

Since having children my short term memory has been awful. It’s like I’ve never recovered from baby brain.

I worry about early on-set dementia too but I’m only 33 for fucks sake.

I just sometimes feel like the capacity isn’t there. We do what we can but work, family, friends and home life and all the enjoyment has to come second and there’s no room for it. It’s driving me crazy and I think I’m going crazy when DP mentions a movie we watched and I have no clue - but then I remember that the house doesn’t run if I don’t do all the admin.

Bio changes and the mental load that comes from having kids, definitely, and general life admin as we get older.

Screen-time probably doesn't help either. Not sure it's good for the brain.

Eat your omegas, folks, and lay off the alcohol and cigs.

Same, I can't retain new stuff yet I remember birthdays of people I worked with years ago. I'm concerned that I'll never get on career wise as I can't remember anything anymore. I think I filled my brain up pre kids and anything post kids is vying for limited space.

My DH thinks it’s funny but then he’s only looking after himself and work. The life bits fall to me.

Why oh why did you end up signing up for this? Not personal, but a collective thing going on.

Anyway, not what this thread is about.

I forget stuff as a single working mother, who had to also take care of ageing parents, doing the life admin, son to uni, etc. etc.

Thank fuck I don't have a man-child in the picture too..... life is so much simpler.

As a side note, exercise is apparently the only thing that will help build brain synapses.

www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes-brain-improve-memory-thinking-skills-201404097110#:~:text=The%20benefits%20of%20exercise%20come,survival%20of%20new%20brain%20cells.

I was going to say YANBU, but then I couldn’t remember what this thread was about.

My memory is terrible too. Started declining when I had kids - they're adults now and it hasn't got any better! In the last couple of months I've watched 3 films that I didn't remember watching before until I was half way through in one case, and near the end in the other two cases.

Work is ok as I make thorough notes and keep all my emails, so I can keep up the pretence that I remember stuff.

im 40 and live/have lived a very stressful life.
2 disabled kids(17 and 11) and im a lone parent we also home educate and both need 24/7 care each and neither sleep so i have a very full plate as i get zero help from anywhere
i have brain fog most days so i cant remember what happened last week. BUT i know every word to every 90/00s boyband songs

boybands are my thing. I was mental on them in the 90s and just never grew out of it.

I think there is so much more information now and so much to remember. Work, organizing kids, house stuff, finance stuff. I'm constantly putting washes on and forgetting to take clothes out the machine and stuff like that. I feel like my brain is full! Also the way we take in info doesnt help. So previously I'd have read books and you aee the cover with a picture and the title every time you pick it up. Now I read a kindle and the only time I see the title is when I purchase it and then when it's on the kindle just before I open the book and it's not in colour so it doesnt stick in my mind as much

I think this is normal for, I hate to say it, modern day mothers. I used to have a fab memory but now I get to a point where there is only so much my memory can take! I organise myself, my (demanding) job (which is more senior than my husband's, but not as well paid), the household and my kids. My husband is really hands on but I am still the one who organises appointments, ensures homework is done, clothes fit and I do all the emotional stuff and all the worrying! My husband cooks and does the washing. I know this is great but he focuses on those things and doesn't quite see beyond that. I think he also secretly enjoys that he is 'helpful'.

I fucking hate it. I’m irrationally angry about this but DP gets to learn all of his hobby shit (warhammer and various other tabletop games), whereas I can’t retain anything new because despite his ‘doing’ I pick up the mental slack all the time and I just don’t have the capacity for anything else. I miss being carefree and able to absorb new mindless activities.

Same here. I am 50 and forget names and words

It is not just you, I was not great before having Covid, but now my memory is terrible. I had a cognitive assessment the other day that clearly showed some of my difficulties. I also hold all the responsibility for planning and organising everything in our house as DH, DD1 and DS are all neurodiverse. Now my executive function and memory are affected it is really hard to keep on top of everything. I am basically a human version of Dory, my motto is 'just keep swimming', but I think often I am swimming in circles 🤦‍♀️

because despite his ‘doing’ I pick up the mental slack all the time

Why? You lot are young women living in the 21st century, why are you martyring yourselves? What do you think is up with your husbands?

Frequently it takes me a good few minutes to remember what day it is and whats going on in my life when I wake up. Its like a mental jigsaw that never gets any easier. It's shit!

Menopause and pregnancy both ruin your memory. I think it’s fairly common.

@LarkduPont

because despite his ‘doing’ I pick up the mental slack all the time

Why? You lot are young women living in the 21st century, why are you martyring yourselves? What do you think is up with your husbands?

I don't think you get what we are trying to say. Even with 'helpful' husbands (note that wives are never described as 'helpful'), research has shown that it is women who pick up the emotional workload and lots of the small 'bits' that are involved in running a household. I don't think it is fair or accurate to accuse us of being martyrs and I think you are naive to insinuate that 21st century women live in an era where they have a choice as to whether their husbands really equally share the workload. Perhaps YOU have this, but the patriarchy still exists and society still expects women in general to do the lion's share of the graft (emotional, physical or both). Society allows this. Stop blaming individuals before you blame society.

This is me!!

But it started long before kids. I really think the internet has a lot to answer for. It’s like my brain goes “nah, you don’t need to retain that information, you can always google it.”

I can’t remember books I’ve read at all. And I struggle to keep up with who different characters are.

But what I hate most is that I forget conversations I’ve had with people. Friends will tell me about stuff going on in their lives and next time I see them, I’ve completely forgotten about it. It comes across as though I wasn’t listening or wasn’t interested which makes me feel really bad.

I don't think you get what we are trying to say

Oh I do. I've been listening to this nonsense for decades.

Even with 'helpful' husbands (note that wives are never described as 'helpful')

So why are you describing him as helpful? Who's he helping - isn't he just doing his share? Albeit what he chooses and you let him.

research has shown that it is women who pick up the emotional workload and lots of the small 'bits' that are involved in running a household

Because some women choose to do that. Honestly, men are just as capable.

I don't think it is fair or accurate to accuse us of being martyrs and I think you are naive to insinuate that 21st century women live in an era where they have a choice as to whether their husbands really equally share the workload

You're the one who is naive. I got married in the last century and didn't put up with this nonsense so you don't have to. Unless you want to which I suspect you do.

Stop blaming individuals before you blame society

You get to decide what happens in your marriage and household.

God you sound like the Daily Mail