How to deal with relative who does not stop talking!

[Pugsnotdrugs101]

Hello! This is my first post and I’m just after some advice really. I feel like a horrible person even writing this.
So I have a relative, let’s call her Jane, we’re fairly close and both have 1 young child each the same age so do a lot of social things together (playgroups, park etc)
We’ve become closer since having children, before this I only really saw her at family gatherings etc so her talking was never an issue but ffs, she does not stop talking ever and it’s driving me insane! She talks about herself and her life ALL THE TIME. If I’m taking she will interrupt me and steer the subject back to her, and on the off chance I do manage to get a word in edge ways you can tell all she’s thinking about is what she’s going to say next. She’s constantly asking me (but more expecting me) to have her child and gets nasty if I say no. I feel like she doesn’t think about anyone else as long as she gets what she wants. My husband says this isn’t a friendship but I do want our relationship to continue so I need a way of broaching this with her without upsetting her as she’s very volatile and could fly off the handle. She doesn’t really have any other friends and I really don’t want to upset her so opinions on how to handle this are so welcome. If you’ve read this far, thank you, I feel so much better just writing it all down.

Your husband is right.

@Cocolapew thank you for your reply! Do you think? The funny thing is, I do enjoy her company and our children get on so well, I feel like if I could just tackle the talking problem then all would be okay? If I don’t say something to her it’s just going to bubble up inside me and I’ll snap at her which makes obviously isn’t fair.

Next time she interrupts could you not try jokingly going “oh my gosh, will you let me finish a sentence!” with a laugh - if she remains oblivious say “no I’m actually being serious”

@honeyytoast my husband does that! He’s much more able to stand up for himself than I am. That’s a really good suggestion though thank you. She genuinley seems to have no clue how she acts which is baffling to me!

So something where talking all the time is difficult. Don’t sit at soft play all the time. Follow your child and be less available.

I feel like she has no boundaries, she gets really close to peoples faces when talking and if I step back she gets closer. I’ve literally shut my car door on her before and she’s carried on talking lol. She was talking to my husband last week and he thought she’d finished so walked off into the bathroom to go for a wee and she FOLLOWED HIM IN THERE TO CONTINUE TALKING!!

All the best op, sounds like Friday night dinner

Could she possibly be on the autistic spectrum? I have a friend like this and sh

I agree with your husband, but if you don't, maybe have some hints snacks to hand.

I would absolutely not be surprised if she is but she is undiagnosed as far as I’m aware!

Sorry. Posted too soon. My friend found out that she is has ASD in her fifties. Remembering this helps me not to be so irritated when she talks nonstop without listening.

@TheNestedIf that made me laugh out loud, thank you!

I've got a friend like this. I went on a very expensive spa weekend with her once. Never again. She was still awake and talking at fucking 4.30am! I got so little sleep I couldn't enjoy my weekend and driving home up the motorway was positively dangerous.

I had a colleague like this. She talked non stop and over shared everything. We all knew about her family, her sisters, her nieces and nephews. She was loud too so impossible to ignore. She was exhausting.

@Hawkins001

All the best op, sounds like Friday night dinner

😂

@Pugsnotdrugs101

I feel like she has no boundaries, she gets really close to peoples faces when talking and if I step back she gets closer. I’ve literally shut my car door on her before and she’s carried on talking lol. She was talking to my husband last week and he thought she’d finished so walked off into the bathroom to go for a wee and she FOLLOWED HIM IN THERE TO CONTINUE TALKING!!

You lost me at she followed him into the toilet

She really doesn’t sound like a very good friend. Do you have other friends to compare her to?!

Yes of course, none of my other friends are like this, it’s all very much give and take and I feel like we have 2 way conversations! But ‘Jane’ is just who I’ve gravitated towards the most, I guess because we live really close and have a child each the same age but I don’t feel like this about my other friends no so I know it’s not ‘normal’

I have a friend a bit like this. Not quite as extreme I expect. I know to expect that I will do most of the listening. I've also learned that normal rules don't apply if I do want to interrupt or leave, I can just do these things (That doesn't seem to be the case in your example of her talking through the car door etc.)

Following your husband's example of interrupting to say things like - I can reply if you stop talking; Let me finish my sentence etc, these might not be received badly especially if you say them cheerfully, not exploding.

I can see my friend is self-absorbed but I stay friends because she is also very kind, she often has come through for me when the chips were down. Only you know whether something like this is also true of your cousin. I'm not certain given what you say about her flying off the handle.

One of her DC is friends with one of my DC and there is the same conversation dynamic - her DC does most the talking. The parallel makes me laugh!

Once my mate stayed while I bathed and put to bed 3 x dc. Still she stayed put...
She lived in the house opposite mine..
Became an issue tbh.
Be less available op.. And stay firm about not always providing child care...

Op,she talks about herself constantly,she is not interested in what you have to say.
She bullied you into having her child.
She is not your friend.continuing with this toxic relationship will have a negative impact on your mh.
Walk away.💐

My husband says this isn’t a friendship but I do want our relationship to continue so I need a way of broaching this with her without upsetting her as she’s very volatile and could fly off the handle.

Why do you want it to continue? What do you benefit from being around this volatile human bulldozer?

You sound scared of her.

Your husband is right. And I can see why she hasn’t many friends. If she had other endearing qualities I would say differently but she sounds like a user to me. I don’t like that she turns nasty if you won’t provide childcare that’s not ok.

She doesn't sound autistic so much as just damn rude. .

Thank you so much everyone that’s replied, it’s really given me food for though