AIBU to ask you how to be around kids?

[HadEnough798]

AIBU to ask for your tips on how to get on with/bond with a child??

I'm the youngest in my whole family - no younger relatives, no friends with young siblings. Since being a child myself I've literally never had any reason to interact with any kids... never babysat, never come into contact in my job, never really met or spent any time with any children ever. The first time I held a baby I was 33...

I'm not maternal and don't want my own children but now mid-30s, all my friends are having children and I have NO clue how to be around them?!

I try to talk to them like I would any individual person, but find interacting with them SO awkward, like I'm really forced and feel like the kids can spot me a mile off and it just makes me even more awkward. Also feel like the parents can see right through me and honestly am sometimes cancelling social occasions because of the dread.

Friends have moved away so there are none I see more regularly than a couple of times a year which makes it harder.

Please tell me how to be around children... Also feel like I'm missing out on all the things other people seem to love about kids - maybe if I can get over the awkwardness I can find some of that enjoyment too...

YANBU, I have no idea how to act around kids too. They make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. If a kid approaches me, I walk away.

I think just being relaxed and friendly - no need to put in a cbeebies style performance if that’s not really you. If you do want to get closer with them then playing with them, even if it’s a bit awkward.

If they’re younger than four then I find throwing them around/dangling them upside down/peppa pig chat usually appeals. Also lots of ‘you be the.’ So ‘you be the whale, I will be the dog’ which can be mind numbing.

Older than four then I’d say a game is the way to go, especially if you remember to say ‘nobody has ever beaten me at connect 4/jenga/twister’ right before you start playing.

Teenagers… I usually awkwardly say ‘so do you like Green Day or My Chemical Romance’ which has never worked yet, but now I have preteens I will have to step it up. I’m as awkward with teens now as I was when I was a teen myself!

Hello OP!

My view. Saying hello I'm X what's your name is fine. You're going to see your friends not the kids they shouldn't expect you to engage with them! Smile be pleasant. If have a toy in hand or on floor or clothes with character then oh that's a nice tractor. Do you like tractors then? I like them too. Oh I really like your top who's that on it? (Ben and Holly). Do you like them a lot?

Job done nice one nailed it.

Children are often v shy and will hide behind parents who go 'SAY HELLO FLORA' sorry she's shy. You say that's fine don't worry. Nice to meet you flora. And don't let parent force them. Job done.

Really you aren't going to be expected to entertain them. The parents job is to try and keep them distracted so they can talk to you!

Babies are. Oh how gorgeous. Aren't you lovely. I didn't ask to hold and said no really I'd be scared of dropping them. Change subject. What a beautiful baby! Pull some faces at it. Job done nice one.

I was always crap with small children babies as never had in family etc.

I do enjoy when they get big enough to talk to in a more coherent conversation.

So from about 4/ 5.
When they're at school.

Then you can go with
Have you started school do you like it/ do you like school
What do you like about school best?
Is your teacher nice?

They are fairly safe.

But no one should be expecting you to be doing much anyway.

Of course plenty of people do. But plenty of people don't. And both ways is fine.

@Birdyflight

I had two of my own who are adults now, and I'm still not comfortable around other people's children. What I have noticed is that they are a bit like cats -I don't try at all, but they tend to follow me about and sit on my lap. I like to think that I'm easy company for them because I don't expect them to perform for me. Beyond that I speak to them if they speak to me, and when I get bored I wander off. If it's completely necessary I'll set them up with something to do, and I can be relied on to read a story or do a bit of colouring. Not sure if that's any help.....

This exactly.. my 2 are grown up and im ambivalent towards children now, except when they are screaming in public then i have to leave, ive found the less i fuss with them the more they like me 🙈😬 Depends if you want to engage or not, school work/book discussion can put quite a few off..if that helps...🤣

Does anyone really have to interact that much with other people's children?

Apparently asking a seven year old what he thought about the situation in Afghanistan was never going to work.
I just assumed he watched the news as I vaguely remember I did as a kid.

I can't believe you did that! I wouldn't say that to a 16yo, never mind a 7yo!

Just be yourself, OP, but skipping any swearing or obviously adult-only topics . You absolutely do not need to put on some kind of fake persona to talk to children. I certainly never have, and I've been a teacher for 25 years. Do not assume they are all the same either, or like the same things. They are as individual as adults are. Presumably you manage to talk to adults who don't share your exact taste in hobbies and topics of conversation? Stay neutral. Ask them how old they are. If they like school. What their favourite colour is. Tell them about your pets or hobbies. Or just say hi and leave it at that!

Well it's never going to be an in depth conversation is it? Just ask about school or their favourite cartoon then be prepared to be bored stiff whilst they take 30 minutes to give you a 2 minute answer

I guess their age, badly, pretending they're 12 when they're 4, 20 when they're 5 or 6.

Woah who's that on your shirt, is it Mario? I loved playing mario when I was a kid, do they still have rainbow road on Mario kart?

If they're under 4, hold them upside down or pretend they're a handbag and ask why your hand bag is being so noisy. They love that shit.

That sort of thing?

Just reminded me of a friend of a friend who wasn’t a natural with children.

He would get them to play the ‘shut up game’ where everyone had to be silent and the last child to make a noise would win £1.00

I worked in eyfs for years. I always feel small children are kind of like drunk people propping up the bar - they want to tell you long rambling stories and occasionally break into song. I find you can just say “wow, really???” at appropriate intervals and they’re often happy with that. Actively playing with them involves more effort.
I now teach upper ks2 and I have to say I prefer it, but older kids are probably harder to win over!

Just be yourself, OP, but skipping any swearing or obviously adult-only topics. You absolutely do not need to put on some kind of fake persona to talk to children.

I agree. Kids are adults in training. It's fine for not everything to be specially curated for them. My DC respected the childfree adults in their lives. They were friendly and polite but not inclined to treat DC like fragile aliens.

Although if you do swear, the parents are usually quick to send them out the room, ensuring that you don’t have to interact

'What's your favourite' is always a winner.

Although if you do swear, the parents are usually quick to send them out the room, ensuring that you don’t have to interact

This is true. Although my kids would have found that irresistibly cool and not left you alone afterwards. Double edged sword

@Carrierpigeon

Although if you do swear, the parents are usually quick to send them out the room, ensuring that you don’t have to interact

This is true. Although my kids would have found that irresistibly cool and not left you alone afterwards. Double edged sword

To be fair, your kids sound fab