She gave my son a fringe. Aibu

[Buttercupmoon]

Hi all. I have posted here before about my mother. We have a history of conflict in our relationship, mostly because I find her quite controlling. Over the past year, since I had my son, we have argued, she has been apologetic for being too bossy and we have been getting on well. Anyway, she offered to watch my son for a day a week when I am back in work, he goes to nursery for 4 days and is with me for 1 day. I was very grateful and agreed as it would be financially helpful. I asked his nursery to drop a day from next month for her to look after him. She also helped me watch him this week when he was unwell and unable to go to nursery. After picking him up and bringing him home I noticed his hair was swept to one side. He has lovely hair, lots of it, I love it. I brushed his hair out and saw she had cut it, cut a very short uneven fringe for him and taken more off the sides. I was and am furious about it. I already asked nursery to keep him in for 4 days but haven't broken it to my mother yet. My husband thinks I am being too hasty and should work with her to come up with some rules. I just feel that I don't trust her. When I called her to speak (shout) to her about the hair cut, she said :oh you noticed that did you'. She did eventually apologise and promise to not do it again.

But from an outsider's perspective, am I over reacting? Aibu

Fridge 😅😂 meaning fringes.

I remember my mother 'trimming' my son's hair while she was looking after him. I didn't shout at her but made it known it was not her place to do that and she didn't do it again.

The worst thing, when he was older, was when his granddad took him for a haircut which I wanted - but he came back with a 1950s short back and sides! I was not happy and didn't pay my father in law for it. Still I suppose I should have specified what I wanted or taken hm to a decent hair salon myself at the weekend. Grandad was great but stuck in a time warp.

One thing about hair - it grows back soon enough.

'Still I suppose I should have specified what I wanted'

Unless Grandpa is a psychic, then yes you should have.

I personally would put a stop to her looking after your child as clearly she can’t be trusted.

Regardless of wether his hair was in his eyes or not - it’s not her decision to cut it. It’s his parents decision.

CF

Can’t imagine either of my grandparents overstepping the boundaries and cutting my child’s hair like that even if they don’t approve of him wearing it long. She has crossed a major line.

@Wole

She should have clipped it back if it was in the way not made a permanent change.

Is a haircut a permanent change? Mine always has to be done again every few weeks...

This is definitely not on. I'd be fuming.

However I have recently come to the conclusion there is no such thing as free childcare. You always end up paying for it one way or another. Whether is an unexpected hair cut or a child bounding off the walls because of sweets.
Or even worse a strained relationship with a family member.....

YANBU. However, if you use her for childcare, undermining your wishes is something you will have to get used to. She has a history of it. Clearly your dh would rather put and shut up to save the money. It depends on whether it’s worth the saving to you. I would see if you can get your nursery day back.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

@NuffSaidSam

'Still I suppose I should have specified what I wanted'

Unless Grandpa is a psychic, then yes you should have.

I know :-). It was a very long time ago, he's a grown up teetering on early middle age now (son, not Grandpa).

@Wole

She should have clipped it back if it was in the way not made a permanent change.

Well its not permanent is it?

It’s not just the cut it’s the she said grinh you noticed that did you

YANBU - as the quote says, 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.' She has shown you who she is over the last year, so base your decision on that. She won't change and you don't trust her.

If your Mother is that awful why do you allow her to look after your child ?

No. If she won’t respect small boundaries she’ll certainly not respect big ones. I’d refuse to leave her unsupervised with him tbh.

Over reacting big time, and rather silly to be getting upset about such an issue.

Another storm in a tea cup

Why would you choose someone you don’t particularly get on with or trust, to look after your child?

YANBU. You need to put your kid back in nursery full time. If it’s like any of the ones near us then the price difference between 5 and 4 days isn’t that different anyway.

I’d be really pissed off about the hair.

And I’d definitely not set up a childcare arrangement if there is a history of conflict and controlling behaviour…. it’s a recipe for disaster!

Buttercup you don't say how old your DS is but is there any chance he could've cut his own hair and she tried to tidy it ? And then brushed it off with an Oh you noticed because otherwise she'd have to tell you that she let your son loose with scissors ?

I cut my own hair as a child (about three) . My DMum saw me with scissors and thought Oh that's ok, they're blunt but while she was sleeping I found her dessmaking scissors (very sharp)

She might be more ready to admit to wrecking his hair ( solveable) to letting him have scissors (potential disaster )

@TheVanguardSix
Agree with this.

I wouldn't leave my children alone for 5 minutes with someone I didn't trust.

Be glad you this happened and you can change your plans.