Friends DM taken over her wedding

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I have a friend whose DM has taken over her wedding planning. Her fiancé is really upset and is going along with it to keep the peace.
AIBU to think this is setting them up for a future where she interferes with everything.
Her DM has even suggested she gets a holiday home close to where they will be living when they are married.
So she is dictating where they have the wedding reception, the service, booking things she knows they don't want it won't like. She's insisting her side have more than twice as many guests than the grooms side. She's even picking the wedding party.
It's painful to watch and I think they're going to have years of her interfering.
I think DM is paying for a lot of it but the groom has offered to pay but he's not paying for all the over the top stuff so he'd only pay for a wedding he'd actually like iyseim. He's not allowed that wedding though.

I wouldn’t marry him.

Mummy won’t let him have the wedding he wants? It’ll never end. She’ll dictate everything, forever.

Tell them to pay for it themselves and have the wedding they actually want.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon it's the brides mum not the grooms
I think it's kind you are concerned but ultimately its up to them to put their foot down

Oh.

Then as PP said, pay for their own wedding or bugger off to Gretna Green and drop the whole thing.

How old is your friend? The mother is being allowed to take over, she’s presumably not a gun to anyone’s head. It’s their choice to be influenced like this, on their heads tbh.

Yeah it's crap but it's only them who can stop it and they haven't as of yet.

Your friend needs to tell her dm to but out and pay for her own wedding.

for friend to sort out with her mother surely - does it need you getting involved as well?

I wouldn't marry someone who couldn't stand up for the wedding that they and I wanted.

They need to put their feet down and tell her that it's their wedding, not hers.

Why do I feel like your 'friend' is your fiancée?

This is 100% your friend's fault. She's an adult, she has a voice, she should be able to put her mother in her place. I'd run for the hills if I were her fiance.

The people getting married sound extraordinarily spineless if they are really letting someone else plan a wedding they don't want. I think, though, that quite often in this kind of situation, it's a kind of alibi for 'Oh, I really didn't want 18 bridesmaids in Vera Wang, someone releasing doves, a string quartet, a 200-strong guest list etc etc -- DM made me do it!'

Otherwise there are a lot of doormats out there.

If my mum tried to book things for my imaginary wedding I'd just go right ahead and unbook them. Every boundary overstepped would be undone. Is your friend very young?

In many cultures it is traditional for the bride's parents to arrange and pay for the wedding. It also means that they get to make a lot of the decisions on venue, guests etc. It often comes down to a negotiation between the parents and the couple but if they don't like what is happening then they can presumably either negotiate for what they want or arrange their own wedding.

Does the bride recognise there's a problem?

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Why didnt you come back and say, "He shouldn't marry her. Mummy wont let her have the wedding she wants. They'll have years of her mum dictating everything."

Or are you only nasty when you think you've got the chance to stick the boot into a man?

If your friend is old enough to get married, then she is old enough to say to her mother "No, that's not what we want".

You don't need to interfere.
She (or they) need to calmly tell her mother that they don't want X, Y, or Z , and as it is their wedding they want to do things the way they want to do them.

I would be blaming the bride / the mothers child because she should be adult enough to say no this is mine and partners wedding and life and we shall have it how we want it.

She's allowing her and her partner to be a doormat

YANBU, but theres nothing you can do.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Oh.

Then as PP said, pay for their own wedding or bugger off to Gretna Green and drop the whole thing.

Surely you would advise him not to marry her, as ‘mummy will dictate everything forever’?

OP you should advise your DF that she needs to speak to her DM and tell her that her DFiance is unhappy and DM should butt out. DF should be putting her future husband’s feelings front and centre.

If she won’t then I would seriously ask her if she thinks this is going to work.

They're not that young, late 20s.
Groom did at one point call it all off but seems to have given in.
I think they have tried to put their foot down and undone some of the bookings but honestly I think she's just worn them down. Personally Id pay for it myself and do my own thing. That's what I think they should do but it's not my wedding so don't really want to be another person trying to tell them what to do.

If I were him, I’d be saying we need to pay ourselves and do it our way or we don’t do it at all.
She’s going to be a nightmare if they have children.

You sound a bit over invested in this yourself tbh OP.

I don't want to explain as it'll be outing but it is causing me issues that I could just do without. I don't really get to ignore it. I'd like too.
At one point they were just going to do their own thing but then relented.
I keep getting up dates and my friend is in tears.

I also agree that when they have children her DM is going to be a nightmare.
I don't want to interfere as them I'm just as bad.