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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Concerned about DD's class and some of the children.

30 replies

Kaley3043 · 16/09/2021 17:10

I have two children. They both have asd. They both are happy and settled in school. They both have their struggles academically, socially, sensory issues and with the speech. They have their moments but generally behave well at school with no issues.

Anyway, DD's class, she's in year 2. There's a few children in her class that are a bit of handful.as far as I know from knowing most of the parents (small community) these children are just a bit of a handful rather than on the spectrum or similar themselves. I don't blame them or their parents at all. I believe it's from lack of supervision and/or support.

DD's been kicked, hit, called fat (she is a little bigger than her peers), they call her stupid girl for speech not being clear. She was pushed over this week. She's an easy target but not the only target. A few parents have complained. One petite girl got picked up and chucked down by a boy a lot bigger, one kid got pushed to the floor and recently cut grass cuttings shoved all in his mouth. Amongst other things.

It's a good school in general. Ds is older and his class seems more chilled and all get on well most of the time. So this is still new to me.

I know they've had their first 2 years of school disrupted but I just feel so sad. Every day Dd is coming home saying this has been said or she's been hurt. She's not had a nasty bone in her body herself.

The worst thing is she's been sat next to one of the children she's had issues with. They sit in 2's since covid... I already had to ask her to be moved last year because she was sat next to a girl who was continuously saying horrible things to her. I don't want to be the parent always complaining!

I just feel so sad. This isn't really a judgment if the kids themselves or their parents just the school.

There's 3 or 4 with sen in her class plus the few who seem to continuously disrupt the class and usually only one Ta - it's just not enough!

to add, Dd has got an EHCP as has another child in the class and I don't think there needs are being met at all due to lack of staff!

I just don't know what to do or say anymore.

Dd is brutally honest due to her asd and wouldn't just make this up either.

It just seems she's in the worst year group in the school.

OP posts:
Fraine · 16/09/2021 17:13

I would move schools. It sounds horrible. Poor dd.

DrManhattan · 16/09/2021 17:17

I wouldn't usually say move schools but if they aren't addressing it properly, it's probably the best thing to do.
Hope your daughter doesn't get too upset by it. Xxx

Original poster
Kaley3043 · 16/09/2021 17:19

Moving schools was my last resort but I may have to. I normally highly rate the school. I've had little to no issues in my sons clsss. He is in year 6 and only got this year left... sad thing is Dd has some such good friends in her class... 😩

OP posts:
ClemDanFango · 16/09/2021 17:19

Absolutely be thatparent you are your child’s advocate and this is completely unacceptable. It must very, very difficult to maintain control with so many children needing extra support but that doesn’t mean it’s ok for children to be bullied. Keep complaining until something is done, send an email to head.

NellePorter · 16/09/2021 17:20

We've had exactly this since reception, now Y4. Going to start looking for another school as I don't think that group of children are going to change in the next few years. During the holidays my DC was so lovely, but now back to being withdrawn, anxious and sleeping. They deserve better but I think the school has done all it can.

NellePorter · 16/09/2021 17:20

Not sleeping!

Russell19 · 16/09/2021 17:23

@Kaley3043

I have two children. They both have asd. They both are happy and settled in school. They both have their struggles academically, socially, sensory issues and with the speech. They have their moments but generally behave well at school with no issues.

Anyway, DD's class, she's in year 2. There's a few children in her class that are a bit of handful.as far as I know from knowing most of the parents (small community) these children are just a bit of a handful rather than on the spectrum or similar themselves. I don't blame them or their parents at all. I believe it's from lack of supervision and/or support.

DD's been kicked, hit, called fat (she is a little bigger than her peers), they call her stupid girl for speech not being clear. She was pushed over this week. She's an easy target but not the only target. A few parents have complained. One petite girl got picked up and chucked down by a boy a lot bigger, one kid got pushed to the floor and recently cut grass cuttings shoved all in his mouth. Amongst other things.

It's a good school in general. Ds is older and his class seems more chilled and all get on well most of the time. So this is still new to me.

I know they've had their first 2 years of school disrupted but I just feel so sad. Every day Dd is coming home saying this has been said or she's been hurt. She's not had a nasty bone in her body herself.

The worst thing is she's been sat next to one of the children she's had issues with. They sit in 2's since covid... I already had to ask her to be moved last year because she was sat next to a girl who was continuously saying horrible things to her. I don't want to be the parent always complaining!

I just feel so sad. This isn't really a judgment if the kids themselves or their parents just the school.

There's 3 or 4 with sen in her class plus the few who seem to continuously disrupt the class and usually only one Ta - it's just not enough!

to add, Dd has got an EHCP as has another child in the class and I don't think there needs are being met at all due to lack of staff!

I just don't know what to do or say anymore.

Dd is brutally honest due to her asd and wouldn't just make this up either.

It just seems she's in the worst year group in the school.

Does your child and the other with ehcp have funded hours 1:1?
Shelddd · 16/09/2021 17:24

Probably would move schools if it was my child as it doesn't seem like it's just 1 isolated problem you can tackle.

Whycangirlsbesonasty · 16/09/2021 17:25

I have experienced similar and am the parent that always complains. I don’t care what the school think of me. My child’s welfare is more important than irritating a few teachers. I agree, it’s a hard situation to find yourself in.

Beamur · 16/09/2021 17:25

Don't worry about being 'that parent' your first responsibility is to your DD. Things could get better. Keep talking to the school.

itsgettingwierd · 16/09/2021 17:26

Be that parent.

If you're got 6/7 yo behaving as this lot are now at such a young age it needs stopping.

Imagine what'll they'll be like in years to come if it's not come down on like a tonne of bricks now.

My ds has asd. I know exactly what you mean by the whole blow by blow account of what went on WinkGrin

Autumngoldleaf · 16/09/2021 17:28

Wow! Normal school would be straight in with special talks about kindness, calling all parents involved, working with the dc on an individual level to stamp it out

TerrifiedandWorried · 16/09/2021 17:28

Ask for a costing of the support she is being given

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 16/09/2021 17:30

When you have spoken to the school before, what has the response been? This is totally unacceptable. Could you get together with other aggrieved parents and calmly approach the school as a group? They may take more notice then.

frazzledfragglefromfragglerock · 16/09/2021 17:31

If she has ehcp along with another child they are not using funding effectively. There should absolutely be more than one ta.

Also it's fine to blame their parents. This is vile behaviour! But also the teacher as this should not happen!!

Antinerak · 16/09/2021 17:33

As PP said, be 'that' parent, be her advocate and contact every last member of staff in that school until someone does something to help. Find out their designated safeguarding leader and get them to step in.

FatCatThinCat · 16/09/2021 17:35

@Whycangirlsbesonasty

I have experienced similar and am the parent that always complains. I don’t care what the school think of me. My child’s welfare is more important than irritating a few teachers. I agree, it’s a hard situation to find yourself in.
Absolutely agree with this. As another parent of two with autism, who will fight for your children if you're too worried about upsetting the school. Your child needs you to be 'that parent'.
Original poster
Kaley3043 · 16/09/2021 17:41

@Russell19 my daughter doesn't have 1:1 as she doesn't need a huge amount of support but some support. Not sure on the other child but to me it seems he has similar needs to my older son and he's always been very well supported which is why I am struggling with the difference between my sons great experience at the school but Dd not so much...

Dd isn't overly unhappy going to school. She takes it in her stride but I believe that's because she's so damn used to it and a lot of things go over her head... but as she's getting older she's realising when people aren't so nice.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/09/2021 17:42

Separate the two issues. Firstly the bullying. Report incidents to the teacher and if things aren’t resolved as per the schools bullying policy then escalate. Ask school how they are keeping your daughter safe.

What is in section F of her ehcp has to be provided. The issue often is that it’s very wooly in its wording making it harder to push for that but you through it all and push for what is in there to be implemented. If it’s not
Meeting her needs (including not being specific enough) then request an emergency review.

Beautiful3 · 16/09/2021 17:59

Tell the teacher what your daughter has said. If it doesn't get resolved then move schools.

Tal45 · 16/09/2021 18:04

They probably sit all the badly behaved kids next to a well behaved kid which makes sense in theory but is no fun for your poor daughter. I wouldn't hesitate to ask for her to be moved.

You know what enables the school to get more help for kids - parents complaining so please do tell them every time there is an issue. Tell them how concerned you are about the behaviour in the class and that you are thinking of taking dd out. You don't have to be rude, just be concerned, there's nothing wrong with that.

Hulkynothunky · 16/09/2021 18:20

As a teacher I'm going to say - please please complain.

Issue 1 - the bullying, talk to the teacher. When are these incidents taking place? Class time or playtime? If it's the later I wonder if there is enough supervision during break times. Definitely ask for her seat to change and explain why.

Issue 2 - ehcp / TAs. Ask for a phone call with the senco to outline your concerns.

If neither of these conversations are satisfactory talk to the head.

Nothing wrong with 'being that parent' - you have legitimate concerns and they've not been resolved.

RowanAlong · 16/09/2021 18:20

Move schools. Vote with your feet. It isn’t a ‘good school’ if that kind of stuff is being allowed to happen!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/09/2021 18:37

Be the parent who’s always complaining if you need to be. If there’s an issue, address it. We need to overcome our ingrained reluctance to make waves for our children’s sake.

But also look around for new school in case they continue to do nothing.

Original poster
Kaley3043 · 16/09/2021 19:01

Thanks all. I will consider school changing. It's a little difficult here though. We live rurally and only one school. There are other schools in neighbouring villages and further afield towns but many are oversubscribed! 😔

OP posts:
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