Concerned about DD's class and some of the children.

[Kaley3043]

I have two children. They both have asd. They both are happy and settled in school. They both have their struggles academically, socially, sensory issues and with the speech. They have their moments but generally behave well at school with no issues.

Anyway, DD's class, she's in year 2. There's a few children in her class that are a bit of handful.as far as I know from knowing most of the parents (small community) these children are just a bit of a handful rather than on the spectrum or similar themselves. I don't blame them or their parents at all. I believe it's from lack of supervision and/or support.

DD's been kicked, hit, called fat (she is a little bigger than her peers), they call her stupid girl for speech not being clear. She was pushed over this week. She's an easy target but not the only target. A few parents have complained. One petite girl got picked up and chucked down by a boy a lot bigger, one kid got pushed to the floor and recently cut grass cuttings shoved all in his mouth. Amongst other things.

It's a good school in general. Ds is older and his class seems more chilled and all get on well most of the time. So this is still new to me.

I know they've had their first 2 years of school disrupted but I just feel so sad. Every day Dd is coming home saying this has been said or she's been hurt. She's not had a nasty bone in her body herself.

The worst thing is she's been sat next to one of the children she's had issues with. They sit in 2's since covid... I already had to ask her to be moved last year because she was sat next to a girl who was continuously saying horrible things to her. I don't want to be the parent always complaining!

I just feel so sad. This isn't really a judgment if the kids themselves or their parents just the school.

There's 3 or 4 with sen in her class plus the few who seem to continuously disrupt the class and usually only one Ta - it's just not enough!

to add, Dd has got an EHCP as has another child in the class and I don't think there needs are being met at all due to lack of staff!

I just don't know what to do or say anymore.

Dd is brutally honest due to her asd and wouldn't just make this up either.

It just seems she's in the worst year group in the school.

@Kaley3043

Thanks all. I will consider school changing. It's a little difficult here though. We live rurally and only one school. There are other schools in neighbouring villages and further afield towns but many are oversubscribed! 😔

Don’t forget with the ehcp if you feel one school is better suited to meet her needs that puts you in a much better position to get her in

It's not a good school.
If you were treated like that at work, would you still go?
Keep your kid off school until they can guarantee that she will be safe.

Go in, ask for a meeting with the head and remind them that they have a duty of care to your child. Put pressure on the staff, be a nuisance until you get a result for your child. Ask them if they have addressed the bad behaviour of the perpetrators with their parents. Honestly you have to go in hard, it's not nice but it works.

I hope your child is happier soon, one thing I hate is a bully.

My DD has a few kids with behavioural issues in her class as well as a group of boys who seem to have developed a bit a ‘macho’ culture. It’s been an issue all through out her schooling. It’s almost like my DS goes to a different school he has had such a great time with a wonderful class. IME the class dynamics won’t change and unless one of the pupils gets 1-1 they won’t stick another TA in there no matter how much they need one.

Sometimes a class has a very unfortunate combination of children in it, and even the best schools struggle. Some schools in some areas are full of children like this. Some of them may be struggling with their own behavioural SEN, others have family difficulties. It then becomes a domino effect as others copy their behaviour. Be realistic that this is a tough challenge for a school, and there is no quick fix.

Ultimately, you need to know that:
(i) Every issue is being addressed and not accepted as "normal"
(ii) There is a strategy to improve these children's behaviour over time, through behaviour management, circle time etc. And that - if it isn't working - the school is continually trying new things rather than just sticking with what they've always done. This is a different class from your older child's class, and needs different strategies.

Realistically, it is likely to get much better or much worse. Some Y1s who haven't had much social interaction really just don't know how to behave, and they'll learn and conform. Alternatively, these may be the first signs of things that will become severe problems by Year 6.

Ultimately, though, your daughter shouldn't be living through this. The school absolutely needs to know what is happening (they may not), and if this is not the right place for your daughter, she only has one chance at primary education, and deserves to be somewhere else. It's not necessarily complaining or pointing the finger at the school to accept this - just a recognition that this is the wrong group of children for your daughter to be with right now.