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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking dc about school day

75 replies

dilmor · 16/09/2021 16:32

Most of us as parents ask about our dcs school day, right?
I don't do drop offs or pick ups coz of my working hours, I'm lucky if I even get to attend a virtual meeting with teaching with my hours.

My dc doesn't particularly like to tell me about their day no matter how I phrase it. So I've learnt to now say "who did you play with today?" Followed by "what did you play?" "who did you sit with at lunch?" "What made you happy?" Or "Did you do anything that would make mummy and daddy proud?" Etc.

Is there anything wrong with that? Because I don't think so....

Dp says it's weird to ask about friends who I don't know and I'm being a slag by wanting to know their names.
For context my dc are under 7....

I'm only asking for friends names to get my dc to talk about school day!

Who is BU?

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 16/09/2021 16:46

There's nothing wrong with asking about their day - nothing whatsoever. Surely your DH doesn't call you a slag for asking those questions?

DC3 tells me nothing though - never has. He's been at school for 9 years now and apparently he does "nothing" every day and actually "can't remember" anyway. It's like getting blood out of a stone.

flyingant · 16/09/2021 16:46

Oh, well that just crazy, then. Of course the questions you are asking are completely normal any your dp is an idiot.

Kdubs1981 · 16/09/2021 16:47

This is beyond weird from your husband.

Your questions are great way to try and get the proverbial blood out of the stone

Thebookswereherfriends · 16/09/2021 16:48

Your husband is weird and unpleasant. Your questioning isn’t unusual, but perhaps a bit much every day.

Mymapuddlington · 16/09/2021 16:48

What the actual fuck is wrong with your partner?

Dogsandbabies · 16/09/2021 16:48

DP weird and rude comment aside.

I asked and got no answers. So I started telling my kids about my day. Going into detail about really boring stuff. That spurred them on to want to change the conversation and volunteer details of their day. Worked a dream on my then 5 year old and still works now at 9.

Marni83 · 16/09/2021 16:49

One of those threads when I becomes all about the throwaway comment that is actually far far more serious that the original op

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 16/09/2021 16:49

Just seen your other thread about him drinking too much.

You have a DP problem.

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2021 16:50

Your dp is a dick.

Tee20x · 16/09/2021 16:52

Your partner is crazy

Funnylittlefloozie · 16/09/2021 16:53

Does he often call you disgusting names with absolutely no reason?

SirChenjins · 16/09/2021 16:53

Yep - your DP is not a nice person. Not at all.

Keep asking your DC about their day, OP, and seriously think about whether this idiot is the person you want to spend the next 50 years with. Oh - and you are not a slag - that's a horrible, vile word. Don't let anyone tell you that you are or attempt to put you down like that.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/09/2021 16:53

Does he do this while you are chatting to your dc, actually pull you up while you are having a perfectly reasonable conversation and insult you using such vile term?

Noshowwithoutpunch · 16/09/2021 16:54

I ask questions about my dc's friends and about there school day.
I ask because I'm genuinely interested in their day and I also want to know the kids my dc chose to be friends with and I like to know they have friends and they are socially Ok iyswim.
Growing up I didn't have many friends so I enjoy hearing about my dc and their friends.
My ds 12 recently told me I was a creep asking about his pals so I'm going to reign the questions inGrin.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 16/09/2021 16:56

I've been asking my Dd the same questions for years and once she got to about 8 or 9 started asking me the same questions about my day, surely that's how you teach children to have a conversation.

I find when DD asks me "what did you find exciting / scary / boring / interesting today?" it really makes me think about my day and gets a much better response than "How was work?" which would probably just get a "fine". So it works for children and adults.

Your DP is a horrible to talk to you like that.

JassyRadlett · 16/09/2021 16:57

Well, your DH sounds like a total twat. Totally normal to find out the names of your kids’ friends.

I find that mine cannot be arsed with talking about their day when I first see them, they’re just a bit overloaded. I natter about my day a bit, just so it’s not all on them to ‘report back’, and later (bathtime usually) we say one good/one not so good thing about our day, or three interesting things, and that usually opens us conversation as they remember more and have had a mental break.

edwinbear · 16/09/2021 16:58

I'm going to gloss over your DP's comment as I see it's been covered already (but 100% agree with the opinions expressed).

Totally normal for you to ask your DC about their day, it's also totally normal for them to just say 'fine', ' nothing really', ' I can't remember'. It's like getting blood out of a stone! and still the same in Y8

tobedtoMNandfart · 16/09/2021 16:59

  1. your questions are great. Closed questions will elicit specific information. Open questions like "how was school?" will get you nowhere.

  2. your P needs to understand it is wholly unacceptable to speak to you like that. Imagine being called a slag for being interested and giving time to your children after a busy work day. FFS 🤬

Anonymous48 · 16/09/2021 16:59

He called you a slag? That's disgusting! Does he often call you vile names?

I also (completely unrelated) don't know why he has a problem with you asking your children these questions, as long as you back off if and when it's clear that they don't want to talk about it anymore. Kids are notorious for answering the question "How was school today?" with a one word answer. You have to ask more specific questions to get any idea of how their day went.

Original poster
dilmor · 16/09/2021 17:04

I normally ask dc 3 questions max and not every day. It's the part where I ask who dc played with that gets my dp annoyed for whatever reason.
He's openly said he thinks when dc are much older and bring friends round I'm just going to 'Get in the way' whatever that means

OP posts:
SquirrelFan · 16/09/2021 17:05

I think parenting manuals advise asking specific questions because it frees children up from having to decide what to tell and frame it and all those exhausting things. It's much easier to answer, "oh did you sit with Petra again today or did she go to art club?" or whatever than big, general questions. So you are a) instinctively doing it right Wink and b) not a slag.

LittleBearPad · 16/09/2021 17:05

Your partner is weird.

Your questions are completely normal

SquirrelFan · 16/09/2021 17:07

@dilmor

I normally ask dc 3 questions max and not every day. It's the part where I ask who dc played with that gets my dp annoyed for whatever reason. He's openly said he thinks when dc are much older and bring friends round I'm just going to 'Get in the way' whatever that means
Well, that's probably true, but he's little now! And he will tell you when he doesn't want you to ask any more. Does your DH have a problem with his mum?
MsRedhook · 16/09/2021 17:11

We have a pot of coloured lolly sticks and each one has a question eg What made you laugh today? Did you learn something new about a friend? Etc (there's load of ideas online). My children enjoy picking a stick and we all take it in turns to answer the question. It's a nice activity to do either over a meal or sniffles on the sofa together.

I've now added a little bag of pebbles that show different emotions. The children can choose which pebbles represent how they felt that day and tell me why.

These two activities mean I get a
Lot more information out of the kids that I would with a general "How was your day"
Or interrogation.

Calling you a slag is bizarre and disgusting.

Original poster
dilmor · 16/09/2021 17:18

SquirrelFan as it happens he does have a prob with his own mum actually. We see her often and he keeps it sweet for the sake of the children. I have no problem with her at all though

OP posts: