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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Felt weird and lonely shopping alone

49 replies

Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:05

Toddler Dd, 3 started pre school part time, she’s been with me since she was born. They’ve been some of my happiest times, and some of my hardest ones too. I felt sad at the thought of her starting pre school, but also excited about having time to myself-finally,
She’s been going a couple of mornings per week for a couple of weeks…and I’ve no idea what to do with myself. I did the food shop today and it was miserable, I felt lost 🤷🏻‍♀️Only old people and mums with babies in the shop mainly.
I had Dd later in life after years ttc and ivf etc, previous to having her I worked full time, all my life. I think I’ve forgotten how to be alone, it feels scary this part of my life is gradually changing…it was so full on and intense for so long, today I just drifted around, a bit aimlessly.
Has anyone else felt like this or am I a nut case 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
ifoundthebread · 15/09/2021 20:09

You are not alone in feeling that way, I feel that way now my youngest is in nursery. He's only there 9-12 but they are the longest 3 hours ever, especially since I feel like I spend 3 hours twiddling my thumbs.

Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:14

@ifoundthebread I thought I’d be so relieved, finally peace & quiet..feels weird though, it’s almost like I can’t relax. Pre child, I could very easily lounge around for hours watching tv. She’s not enjoying it either, which doesn’t really help, now I’m thinking I maybe should’ve left it a year and had just one more year together.
I guess I’m just sad all that is ending, we have fun together, go shopping, to cafes, the park, I actually really enjoy it..it only lasted a short time really and I won’t have it again

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Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:14

@ifoundthebread How old is yours?

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rhonddacynontaf · 15/09/2021 20:16

I felt like that with my first, bereft. It wore off. My second has started nursery four full days a week this year and I'm absolutely loving it. And I don't care if that makes me sound awful. The silence in the house when they're out is magical.

ifoundthebread · 15/09/2021 20:18

He turned 3 in April, due to the nursery having space after the half term he got the summer term there as an early intake then the summer holidays off. He loved it back in April but now after a very long summer off (due to having to isolate the 10 days before term finished) he doesn't seem as keen. Hope it's just till he builds his confidence up, he's not used to doing things without his older sister to hold his hand.

PumpkinKlNG · 15/09/2021 20:18

Yes! I have 4 and my youngest has just started reception (didn’t go nursery) I don’t want to go shopping when I drop them which is what everyone says to do as I feel sad going on my own 😢 miss having her with my, she’s just started full days and I feel it’s too long

Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:18

@rhonddacynontaf That’s exactly how I thought I’d feel. I’m honestly dreading when she goes to school and this life changes

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Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:20

@PumpkinKlNG I’m starting to wish I’d waited until she was 4 and not put her in this year, she doesn’t enjoy it but I’m waiting to see. I want the best for her, but my preference would be she stays at home

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Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:21

I had huge plans, was so excited to..firstly..just sit the hell back and be quiet fir a minute 😅but then to get back to exercise etc

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BlueMoons90 · 15/09/2021 20:24

I had the exact same thing. With my first I didn't really have this as I went back to work etc so I was doing things that I wouldn't have done with DS1 anyway, but after DS2 I became a SAHM and the first time I went shopping without him when he went to nursery I felt absolutely bereft!

I kept panicking when I looked down and saw he wasn't sat in the trolley or trotting along beside me. Similar thing happened when I went for lunch with a friend not long after, I suddenly went 'oh my god where is DS2?!' And she had to remind me he was at nursery! I have gotten more used to it now though, and you will too!

EmeraldShamrock · 15/09/2021 20:25

Oh I remember the feeling, it doesn't last.
I kept panicking thinking I forgot my buggy.

Spudina · 15/09/2021 20:28

I’ve always thought food shopping with toddlers/small kids is a freaking nightmare. I wouldn’t do that again if you paid me. Aside from that, I understand where you are coming from. But use the time to do something for you. There’s so little of that when you have kids. Go have coffee, read a book, whatever. Don’t just spend it doing chores.

WinterCarlisle · 15/09/2021 20:28

My youngest has just gone into Year 3. Before he started reception I was desperate for some child free time as I’d had 4 relatively close together. I did not shed a single tear when ANY of his siblings started school. Not even PFB DD. DC4 while lovely is Hard Work.

The day he started I sobbed for hours. It was weird! I was meant to be meeting a friend for coffee and a child free mooch round the shops. I actually had to cancel and go home Shock. I was shocked at myself. I’m normally quite tough.

You are most definitely NOT alone!

BobsBurgersisthebest · 15/09/2021 20:33

I could have written this myself.

My youngest has just started reception. I thought it'd be amazing getting all this time to myself and I made plans in my head to go for long walks etc.
The reality is, I feel empty. I can't remember what life was like before children. I think I've lost myself and now I have this new found "freedom" and I don't know what to do with it. I was always mummy, never Katy (not real name) and now I'm Katy for a few hours a day. No one calling me mummy. "Mummy can I" a million times a day haha.

It's still early days though and I'm sure we'll start to appreciate the peace and quiet. Smile

shinynewapple21 · 15/09/2021 20:36

I remember feeling very sad when DS started full time school . I have always worked, but on a part time basis so I had two days a week of visiting parks and doing craft activities. During the preschool years I absolutely loved doing this and a 3-4 year old can be good company . Even if they do ask a million questions .

I remember the first couple of weeks of school being really envious both of those mothers who still had younger children, and also child minders . I vaguely considered retraining as a classroom assistant .

Give it a couple of weeks when hopefully your DC will be loving nursery and hopefully you will feel in a better frame of mind to consider future plans .

Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:41

@BobsBurgersisthebest That’s it, I feel
empty too, i was craving this time..and now it’s here, I don’t want it, there’s only a short time left and then it’s full time school. Feel so sad those young years of just her and I are almost over. Honestly I keep sobbing about it, feel ridiculous

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Sxxyfing · 15/09/2021 20:46

I feel so lost without my little girl!
I feel like people won't know I have a baby? And I feel all vulnerable like not having the pram to shield me from people, I know that sounds weird!
Seeing other women with their kids while I sit at my desk is the absolute worst too, makes me feel like a horrific mother not being with her. Even tho I'm only working part time and she's with my mum :(

I hate how our society is designed to prioritise money over time together, it really depresses me

Justwantanewname · 15/09/2021 20:46

I totally know what you mean about feeling lost. In terms of whether you take her out or not, comfort yourself that in the long run it won’t do her any harm either way. She’ll be fine if she stays and fine if you take her out. If you decide to keep her at pre-school can you increase her time to 3 mornings rather than 2, in the short term. I’ve heard they can settle quicker if they go more often and therefore get used to the routine quicker.

Becca19962014 · 15/09/2021 20:46

I don't have children but one day I found a friend crying in a bush with shopping days after her twins went to school. She'd built in up in her mind as FREEDOM and was actually bereft. It wasn't helped by the fact that she had some idiots who had texted her some crap about happy freedom (long since dumped). We went for a walk and a chat; about nothing of consequence at all. She had totally misjudged what would happen and obvioulsy wasn't helped by idiots and she also suffers with her mental health. We met for a couple of weeks for coffee and gradually she began being able to do other things. It was just overwhealming I think.

It's definitely a thing, I've seen it with others too. I know she looks out for mums of children now going to nursery or school in the church she attends to make sure they're OK.

Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:48

@shinynewapple21 I’ve enjoyed it too (on the whole, she can be hard work!) I’m a primary teacher, so have loved doing all the crafts and reading etc, plus days out, cafes, playgrounds, the library. I just enjoy it all..never thought I would and it’s almost ending. It probably would be easier/different if I had another little one still at home. Part of me sort of secretly hopes they close over winter like last year (I’m not in U.K.) all my friends were going nuts having them at home and I’m wanting that 🤷🏻‍♀️
I so wish I’d waited a year as she doesn’t really really have to go at 3 if I’m at home anyway, does she

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jelly79 · 15/09/2021 20:49

Friday is the first Friday I will be without my DS as he will be in school and it's my day off. I need to get used to not taking him on days out and filling my time x

SmellyOldOwls · 15/09/2021 20:52

It's very early days so don't worry too much, you'll soon find ways to fill the time. I know someone said upthread don't do chores but I do spend half an hour cleaning up in the morning to give me time to spend with DS later in the day. But don't go home and load the dishwasher and sit in front of Jeremy Vine with a cup of tea! Go home and load the dishwasher and sit in front of something really good on Netflix with a cup of tea Grin

Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:57

@Sxxyfing Yes, I totally felt like that today too, was so weird. I mean I’ve nipped go the shop quickly to pick something up at weekends or whatever when dp is home with her, but this was the proper weekday big food shop. No one sat in the little seat in the trolley, who at times I’ve wished was somewhere else for a bit to have peace from tantrums etc. I also felt weirdly vulnerable without her by my side and not really like a mum, although I obviously am, it was very strange.
I also don’t feel I can say much to mum friends as they’re all really happy to have the freedom and it’s a big celebration

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Original poster
Tyronethetwat · 15/09/2021 20:58

@Justwantanewname I feel if I took her out now until next year, it might be because I want her at home, that’s not the right reason is it 😞even though she cries and says she just wants to stay with me

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BobsBurgersisthebest · 15/09/2021 20:59

[quote Tyronethetwat]@BobsBurgersisthebest That’s it, I feel
empty too, i was craving this time..and now it’s here, I don’t want it, there’s only a short time left and then it’s full time school. Feel so sad those young years of just her and I are almost over. Honestly I keep sobbing about it, feel ridiculous[/quote]
It's not ridiculous. I cried Monday & Tuesday. It's like the end of their baby chapter. You spend all that free time with them and then they go into education for many years.

And the new chapter begins ❤