Felt weird and lonely shopping alone

[Tyronethetwat]

Toddler Dd, 3 started pre school part time, she’s been with me since she was born. They’ve been some of my happiest times, and some of my hardest ones too. I felt sad at the thought of her starting pre school, but also excited about having time to myself-finally,
She’s been going a couple of mornings per week for a couple of weeks…and I’ve no idea what to do with myself. I did the food shop today and it was miserable, I felt lost 🤷🏻‍♀️Only old people and mums with babies in the shop mainly.
I had Dd later in life after years ttc and ivf etc, previous to having her I worked full time, all my life. I think I’ve forgotten how to be alone, it feels scary this part of my life is gradually changing…it was so full on and intense for so long, today I just drifted around, a bit aimlessly.
Has anyone else felt like this or am I a nut case 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Becca19962014 I totally understand your friend feeling that way, it’s like your role is just gone..obviously it hasn’t but it’s strange.
I didn’t really know it was a thing as my friends all all keen to have them in nursery/school. I feel a bit wet tbh

The thing is, she has a little gymnastics class she goes to, a dance class, play dates with friends and I teach her bits at home..does she have to go to pre school

My DS is 9 and in yr5. I still really look forward to seeing him again each day as I miss him. It sometimes doesn't last before I have put the key in the door haha. But no, that feeling of separation doesn't go away but you get used to it. I work full time, not that it matters.

Mine are in their 20s, mainly long gone, and certainly eons since I had a little one around all the time, but I still hate food shopping alone.

I'm currently getting everything in place for my daughter to go to preschool in January. I'm not exactly where you are yet, but I'm already starting to feel like 'what am I going to do' I'm a sahm, and my life has revolves around her for the past 2 and half years. I'm already preparing for feeling a little redundant for those hours during the week.

@Mycatcontrolsmymovements Yes, my plan is to return to work when she starts school, I suppose that amplifies it more as these years won’t ever happen again and back to work will seal it further

@peboh I’ve been a Sahm too, so we’ve never been apart, I hope you enjoy it more, some of my friends love it, I’m just an emotional wreck

@Tyronethetwat

The thing is, she has a little gymnastics class she goes to, a dance class, play dates with friends and I teach her bits at home..does she have to go to pre school

If she’s not enjoying it and you don’t want or need her to go, then of course she doesn’t have to go. My youngest absolutely hated preschool, so I scaled right back on what I’d planned to do and just sent her for two mornings. We still went to toddler groups etc, so she socialised. She was absolutely fine with school. Do what works for you.

I think it's fine to take her out - your not happy, she's not happy, where's the harm in doing what you want to do?
All this stuff will still be there next year - enjoy her early years because they don't last long!

@HeyGepetto That’s the thing though, I am only sending her for two mornings at present, should I stick to it?

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Everyone says they all cry at the start and she’ll love it when she adjusts in a couple of weeks. I feel like I’d be doing it for me, which I don’t want to, I wouldn’t want to hold her back

[quote Tyronethetwat]@HeyGepetto That’s the thing though, I am only sending her for two mornings at present, should I stick to it?[/quote]
I actually waited until later in the year to do the two mornings, come to think of it. She was so unhappy to start with I took her out and waited till the last term before school (sorry, few years ago now, all a bit hazy).
In your situation I’d take her out and try again in 6 months or a year, if you want to.

If you can learn to live with it and fill your time, I'd stick with it. It will make the transition in to school easier if she's done a couple of mornings at preschool. My dd2 is just 4 and in preschool 3 full days, I do work, I worry it's too much but she's enjoying it and I know she'll benefit massively from it.

Shell love it just as much next year. I think it's okay to do something that makes you happy - she will also be happy at home with you. You aren't depriving her of anything, just giving her a different experience in the knowledge that she can go to nursery next year. It's a postponement, that's all

Of course your not a nut case! I have felt the same. It's always sad saying goodbye to a era.i must say it quickly passes. Try to think about all the good things ahead that can only come if things move forward. I am feeling extremely sad and hormonal after summer as my youngest turns 7 and my eldest 18. In fact I have cried for three weeks. But the truth is you cant have a baby at home forever. One has to be the last one.

If it's any consolation I took my 17 year old shopping tonight. He was telling me how hard life is now he has a very part time weekend job while doing his a levels. How he had to eat and fit the gym in tonight. I had to comfort him on the unfairness of life as adult while trying not to laugh and tell him to juggle a job that buys the food and 4 kids. He is honestly a delight. He sees the world in a way I dont. He is funny witty and charming. I know he loves me with no conditions with his rose coloured glasses firmly off.

All those good things, couldnt be if he was still 4. Yes he was delightful and cute and loving at 4. But what I mean is he is still a great source of joy in my life. Just cherish every stage as they do grow up too fast.

I would give anything to freeze time but its impossible so I try to just enjoy the journey

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously I just feel a bit like I’d be messing things around a bit, putting her through all that when she started and now saying we aren’t going anymore 😬🤷🏻‍♀️I wish I’d waited

@IncessantNameChanger That’s so nicely written 🤗

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Do you think she’d be okay socially for another year?

Honestly, 3 is tiny. If you want to take her out then do it. The early years are so precious and over so fast. I needed a break from mine so stick with nursery and they did settle and were really happy. I suppose what I’m saying is don’t worry whatever you decide. I really do believe that either option is fine! Do be prepared for feeling the same way in a year though. Or maybe not.

That should say ‘I needed a break so stuck with nursery’

My youngest has just started full time preschool. In reality this means I now have 1 day a week (9am-3pm) when I am totally by myself. I work 3 days per week and the 4th day is private therapies for my disabled DC.

This week I had another DC off sick so I still haven't had the magical day alone. I'm sure I'll be bored within the hour

Honestly, yes I do think she'd be fine. She's still so little and being with you is more important - there's plenty of time for all the rest later

I thought I’d replied but looks like it didn’t send. I honestly don’t believe that it matters too much whether you take her out or not, thinking about it in the medium and long term from her perspective (development etc), so please don’t let yourself worry too much about that. She will be fine either way! But These early years go so quickly and are so precious. The very best person she can be with right now is you, I do believe that too. I just needed a break (!) so persevered with nursery and both mine have loved it, after a wobbly start, but they’d have been very happy at home with me too! I really don’t think it’s selfish to take her out so you can make the most of another precious year or 6 months with her. If you do decide to take her out then do so wholeheartedly, without any feeling of conflict. You’ll both have a lovely time and she can go off to school the following year. She might find the first couple of weeks of school a bit harder than some other children who’ve been to nursery, but maybe she won’t and, again, she truly will be fine. You will probably also find the first couple of weeks of school hard just like you do now but at least you’ll know you’re doing it because you have to and don’t have a choice! Maybe give it another couple of weeks before you decide. And if you take her out then just have a bloody lovely time together and don’t feel guilt!y! Ps if she is a bit sad but you do decide to keep her at nursery I think they settle better on 3 mornings rather than 2. You could always reduce it to 2 again once she’s settled

I was mostly a SAHM til my youngest started school. The weirdest thing I found was eating lunch on my own with no one (no matter whether they could talk, or what nonsense they talked ) to talk to. It felt really strange and quiet. I hated it and normally ended up watching some shit tv just so I couldn't just hear myself eat! It did get easier though.