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Original poster

To be surprised a grown man is such a sore loser?

72 replies

PlayerUno · 15/09/2021 18:21

Name changed.

DH, DD and I are on holiday in a big caravan holiday park in Wales. Due to DD'd bedtime we can't really go out in the evenings so once she's in bed we've been playing uno. I won the first two nights and DH was saying yesterday he's going to win and beat me, all in good fun. But when we played last night we only managed 3 rounds as n the 3rd round I got a lucky hand to start and won in two goes. I was laughing as I was having a good time and honestly couldn't believe my luck at getting such a good hand.

He completely lost it, threw the cards at me, and swore at me. I said "seriously? It's just a game" and he shouted at me saying he didn't care if it was just a game, he's fed up of me winning and I was taking the piss by laughing and he stormed outside. I was just in shock.

I slept in DD's room last night and even though we've had a nice day out today (I've kept it civil with him for her sake but haven't spoken to him unless I've had to) I'm still just shocked at a petulant tantrum from a man in his 40s. I honestly don't think I'll ever look at him in the same way again. How does someone get to his age and still be such a sore loser?

Now dreading tonight after DD goes to bed. I'm thinking I might just go down to the arcade bit and leave him on his own in the caravan...

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 15/09/2021 20:20

My DM has made it clear that it's better for DD to have both parents together so I'm sticking with him for her sake.

I'm afraid their your DM is showing a lot of internalised misogyny with that attitude.

It's much better for DD to have a mother who is happy and not prepared to put up with a partner who has anger issues he takes out on his DW/partner.

bloodywhitecat · 15/09/2021 20:24

Your mother is wrong, all staying together is doing is teaching her that this is an acceptable way to live. Minimize that damage by leaving him now.

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/09/2021 20:34

Usually I would have said that men can be very childish when losing at anything, albeit just a board game, and their ego gets battered. However after reading all your posts on this thread it sounds like it goes much deeper than just being a sore loser with a bruised ego. I am sorry you have had that to deal with, especially when you're supposed to be enjoying a holiday Flowers.

It sounds like he needs some anger issues addressed, especially since he hasn't even taken any ownership of his behaviour or apologised. Try to talk to him either just now or when you get home and make it clear this doesn't happen again.

I know it isn't the same thing, but I can empathise with you not feeling the same just now after that happened. Many years ago before DH and I were married, I had an incident on a day trip where he behaved like a total man child which floored me. We had a disagreement about something trivial and I kid you not, he started behaving like a pre-schooler. With a scowl on his face, started saying "no", "no I don't want to" and even stamped his feet making a girning noise! Confused . I was in utter shock at what I was seeing. I couldn't look at him the same way for days, even weeks after as I had literally witnessed him act like a toddler. I told him this too, and tbh I actually nearly ended things it was that extreme. 14 years later I am glad to say nothing like it has ever happened again with him.

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/09/2021 20:36

Reading my post back, what happened with my DH actually reads quite funny and I am laughing now. Though I wasn't at the time.

Garriet · 15/09/2021 20:43

I once threw the monopoly board across the room with such force that my mother was finding green house under her furniture five years later.

I was nine years old though.

There’s no excuse for an adult man to behave like this and from the other things you’ve said, he seems absolutely toxic.

Your mother is wrong. It’s better for children to grow up with two parents together if they have a healthy, generally happy adult relationship where both adults are treated respectfully. This isn’t what you seem to have.

In this case, your child is growing up with your relationship as the model for their own future relationships. Is this what you want for her?

waybill · 15/09/2021 20:51

Your mother wants you to stay with an angry, verbally abusive man, and she thinks that is the best environment to bring up a child?

Ye Gods. If you were my daughter I wouldn't be telling you to stay with him, I'd be lumping him one and arranging the removals van.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/09/2021 20:52

@PlayerUno

He does have anger issues - very short tempered and is often verbally abusive, but I'm learned to put up with it. My DM has made it clear that it's better for DD to have both parents together so I'm sticking with him for her sake.

But usually he at least gets angry over something that isn't completely trivial.

I've been having mental health problems recently and have my first suicide prevention session next week. Shit like this doesn't help with me feeling worthless though. I honestly didn't mean to float, I laugh at myself when I'm losing and was laughing at the ridiculousness of such a good hand, I was just having fun.

DD is in bed, just waiting for her to fall asleep and then I'm gone.

Tell your mother to butt out. She should be supporting her daughter, not her arsehole son-in-law, which is what she's effectively doing. Having two harmonious parents is best, but two unhappy / warring / dysfunctional parents is way, way worse than one happy parent.

I realise you've said that it's financially difficult to leave (mum not going to help there, is she?) but I'd bet your mental health issues would be a lot less if you weren't in this marriageSad.

((hug))

Regularsizedrudy · 15/09/2021 20:55

You are surprised your verbally abusive husband is a sore loser? Errr okay. Seriously ltb.

billy1966 · 15/09/2021 22:36

OP,

You are with an abusive man who no doubt is the source or massive contributor to your MH problems.

You are no doubt living on your nerves waiting for him to explode.

This is an awful environment for your daughter.

Your daughter needs her mum well.

Your mother is wrong, stupid, and NOT to be listened to.

Please tell the therapist that you are in a highly abusive relationship.

Do NOT get pregnant with this man again.

Women's Aid can help you.

Please call them.

I'm so sorry.Flowers

Sommernacht89 · 15/09/2021 23:07

Sounds like you have gone on holiday with 2 children.buy him a little rattle and play uno with your daughter.

ViciousJackdaw · 15/09/2021 23:31

@PlayerUno

I'd love to get out and that is the eventual plan but it's going to be almost impossible financially. I'm just waiting until I'm in a better financial position.

In the meantime I just have to find ways of coping. Obviously playing games together is now off the table!

Oh bloody hell, don't wait. I can guarantee DD is picking up on this. You don't want THIS to be her main male role model do you?

You'll survive on benefits and maintenance. Go now.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/09/2021 23:38

Is this a one off?

My 5 year old daughter is a sore loser but even she isn't this bad.....

AdoptedBumpkin · 15/09/2021 23:42

I find this a rather off-putting trait, and I've seen men and women do it. I have known normally personable people to become quite animated and slightly angry about board/card games. I've not seen anything as bad as your experience thankfully.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 16/09/2021 06:06

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Is this a one off?

My 5 year old daughter is a sore loser but even she isn't this bad.....

If you read the OP's posts you'll see it isn't
Shoxfordian · 16/09/2021 07:29

Hope your evening was better than the one before op

This behaviour isn’t even out of character for someone who has a short temper and is emotionally abusive anyway: your mum is wrong and you should leave him ASAP

toothpicklover · 16/09/2021 07:39

I only have a son and he’s 11. If he was ever in a relationship where he treated them how your husband has been treating you, I’d be telling his partner to leave!!
You don’t need to put up with that and your daughter certainly doesn’t.
I grew up in a dysfunctional and unloving family and it has had a huge impact on my life. My mum should have left my father years before she did.

Your mums attitude is rather shocking.
Hope you are okay.

timeisnotaline · 16/09/2021 07:45

Your dm doesn’t have your OR dds best interests in mind. You say you’ve had suicidal thoughts - I bet he’s a factor. If you said mum my mental health is shit by telling me to stay with him you’re telling me dd would be better off if I were dead as I can’t do that, what would she say?

pinkyredrose · 16/09/2021 07:54

Your mental health is so bad that you're a suicide risk! Shock
Holy crap OP, please get yourself away fro this angry cunt immediately!

Sending unmumsnetty hugs Flowers

Chemenger · 16/09/2021 08:01

My name is chemenger and I am a bad loser at board games and cards. I try very hard not to be. I’m fine with my children but most awful with my brother. He’s 6 years older and so I always lost board games when we were children and I haven’t got over it. I am not proud of it at all. On the other hand I am a very good winner, I never gloat or over celebrate. Unfortunately, I married into a super competitive family who relish other people’s defeats. It’s not a good combination. I think otherwise I am a compassionate and agreeable person, it’s my shameful failing.

Chemenger · 16/09/2021 08:02

I see I am guilty of not reading the whole thread, which has moved on considerably, apologies to the OP.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/09/2021 08:40

Your mum is not on your side. It’s a load of grief if you divorce and looks bad on her is what she means.

I knew a woman who used the we don’t do divorce in our family like it was a matter of family pride if everyone stuck it out.

aurynne · 17/09/2021 08:39

So your DH expects you to let him win?

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