Cried in a meeting. How to approach collegue who shoots me down

[Beebopalooola]

Hi all,

I am absolutely mortified. I have been working in the same place for years and have had some tough times and difficult colleagues but I'm pretty laid back so have just got on with it.

I have chaired meetings and attended them with no problem.

I recently started a new role in a different department. Its a promotion and I'm over the moon that I have had lots of positive feedback. I have a good team and we all get on well.

Another person recently started and is sort of a team leader. Not my manager as such but she does hold more weight in the company than me. I did work with this person many many years ago in a different role. One to one she is very friendly to me. However in meetings and group settings she will shoot me down and almost try to publicly humiliate me. I do not feel heard or able to speak up in meetings that we both attend because of this and she will often interrupt me too. This is happening literally every time I speak.

I have been having a really shit time right now personally and in a meeting earlier she started her ways again and for the first time in my entire life I cried at work. Luckily it was a virtual meeting so I just switched my camera and Mic off but two colleagues did notice and texted me. I'm so embarrassed. I did not tell them the real reason because they absolutely love this team leader and see her outside of work as friends.

My boss recently asked that I speak up more in meetings because I used to share ideas but I have recently gone very quiet. I just said I would because again I don't want to come across as a trouble causer so early into this new role. It seems no one has noticed this happening.

Aibu to just look for another job because I'm too chicken to approach this colleague and I'm mortified new colleagues have seen me cry.

@Mummybearroars i hope not. I'd like to think we all get on as a team and I hope they text me out of kindness but who knows.

Well you can either quit and not have a job, speak to management or tell her she needs to stop interrupting you.

@McLarenette has some good tips OP.

This has happened to me, is still happening actually and it still hurts. BUT. I re framed it in my head to being part of being promoted. In more senior roles there tends to be bigger personalities, more confrontation etc. I tell myself this person and these awkward horrible meetings are actually a gift because they are perfect practise for me to develop my assertiveness skills.

You say you have a good reputation and your boss has told you your contributions are useful in meetings. So you have quite a lot of "rope" here to practise assertiveness in these situations. You do not need to mount a perfect response or control the situation perfectly every time! You can try something, feel awkward, stay the course anyway, next time try something else or try to improve on last time, etc.

It sounds like you will be forgiven for making "less than perfect" interventions. Does that make sense? But most importantly you have got to feel like you are enough and you are allowed to practise these skills in a "live" situation. Equally if one day you just feel not up to it or colleague is being particularly awful, there is no law that says you have to practise assertion in that moment. You can take the decision to stay well out of it that day.

Best of luck OP