My dad calls me 'Mummy'

[georgarina]

I've told him that I hate it and normally say something like 'Don't call me that, I have a name' but he ignores it.

He also kind of shouts it in a really grating way ie. 'Here you go Mummy' while playing with my kids and throwing a dirty paper towel at me to throw away, for example.

It makes me feel like I'm not being seen as a person, and honestly makes me feel a bit sick to be called that by someone who's not my child. AIBU?

I think posters are not getting that, that’s why the comments are saying it’s normal, yes it’s very normal to refer to you as mummy to your child, it’s completely different to refer to YOU as mummy to you! For example my ex use to say “what’s for dinner mummy?” 🤢 maybe its ok when kids are just learning to speak and you’re hoping they pick up on the word but my kids are older, they know my name it’s not a secret.

All my family do this. And do it with all relatives. If DD is in the room, I’ll say “here you are granda” to my dad. I can’t see what the problem is.

All my relatives and my partner call me mum/mummy when talking to the kids about me. It wouldn't be appropriate to call me by my first name to my children.

If it makes you uncomfortable then it's absolutely fine for you to feel that way and not want him to do this, but it is absolutely socially normal to do this around children.

Normal in our house too. I often answer the phone to my mum and say “hello Grandma”. I sometimes call my husband daddy when the kids aren’t in the room.

It’s not done intentionally to hurt your feelings.

I think it’s normal too, really don’t get why you’re getting so upset over it but can’t you just ask him to stop?

Yes it's weird. I call my dh daddy to the kids, I.e ask daddy if he wants a drink. Would never ask him directly though using daddy. Have occasionally done it by mistake and it sounds so wrong!

OP I know what you mean

'Mummy come here' kind of reminds be of 'bitty'..

[quote georgarina]@PumpkinKlNG exactly, as I said I have no problem saying 'go to Mummy' etc. It's directly calling me Mummy - 'Mummy come here' - that I'm talking about.[/quote]
I think it might just be one of those things that some people do.

My nan still calls our grandad "grandad" whenever any of us grandkids around, even though by now we're all aged 20-40! And it's not just when talking to us about grandad - when I go to her house she will shout into the other room "Grandad! minatrina is here!"

He calls her Nana whenever we're around, too.

And I'm positive that if I go to my aunty's house for example, she would address her husband as Uncle XYZ in front of us and he would do the same for her.

I think it's just a habit some people get into around younger children and it sticks

Ugh. My MIL does this too. When she walks in the room she'll say directly to me "How are you mummy?".
Only when the kids are around but it makes me cringe every time. I know it's common but I hate it!

Normal in my family. Actually, my Mum called me by my name a few too many times in earshot of my 2 year old and it was followed by days of her using my name instead of "Mummy". Super weird.

Husband and I accidentally and occasionally call each other Mummy or Daddy when daughter isn't around and it makes me want to hurl, tbf.

But yes, normal to do this around small children but equally, totally fine if it makes you cringe - just ask him to stop?

Utterly agree with you op, it’s cringe!

I understand op and I understand why it bothers you.
It's just a bit unnecessary. What does he say when you ask him to stop?

@PumpkinKlNG

Are people getting confused by what the op means, As it’s ones thing saying to a child “ask mummy if she wants a drink” but literally referring to someone as mummy so “mummy would you like a drink?” It’s the latter that is being referred to which yes is odd!

This is what I understood too, that it's the latter. My mum used to do this, I called her out on it every single time, because it just felt wrong.

@georgarina

Yeah he only does it when I'm with the kids. Other people do it too but it's more like 'Ask mummy if you're allowed' not directly calling me Mummy. Which is more what makes me feel weird

Goodness this is absolutely normal.

My late DDad called me ‘Mum’ once my Ds was born. I quite liked it. He didn’t do it in any weird way, it just seemed like there had been a shift in our relationship, and I was no longer his little girl.
I was someone’s Mum now.

I think its normal. What do you call him now when your kids are around? Do you say What would you like for dinner Dad, Granddad or John?
Because if we're all together, I would frequently say Grandad to my own father.

So cringe. My MIL does this to me I hate it.

There is a difference saying to child “ask mummy, give it to mummy” etc. And saying directly to you “here you go mummy” etc.

The first is fine, the second is not fine. I find it demeaning, it’s basically saying your only role here is mother to these children, you’re not a person in your own right any more.

I call my Mum Nanny when the DC are there.
When they’re not, I call her Mum.

I totally get the distinction OP and yes, I'd find that incredibly odd and cringey.

E.g. I'll say to my DC 'ask grandma' 'it was grandma on the phone' etc but I'd never say 'could you pass me the water, grandma'. She's not my grandma, she's my mum!

He also kind of shouts it in a really grating way ie. 'Here you go Mummy' while playing with my kids and throwing a dirty paper towel at me to throw away, for example.

Never mind calling you mummy.
Why is he throwing dirty paper towels at you for you to throw away?

It’s like when the health visitor calls you mum, so uncomfortable. E.g. “Can you pass me that folder mum”.

I had this with an in-law. As many have said, there is a massive difference between saying 'do you think Mummy will like this?' to a child (even if by saying it like that while you are in the room they are actually talking to you), and saying 'Mummy do you like carrots?' when they are actually talking to you.

What I did was say 'My name is Avocado and yes I would love some carrots'. Over and over, but it didn't feel overly aggressive, made me not seethe that I was doing nothing, and got the message across.

Of course if they know you hate it and do it on purpose that is a whole different ball game.

And it is obviously fine to call someone 'Mummy' directly if the person doesn't mind!

Its normal and reinforcing what you are called.

They wouldnt say give it to Sarah would they. You arent Sarah to your child.

Get over yourself.

"I'm not your mother- weird!"

@georgarina

I don't have a problem with calling me Mummy to my kids, just when speaking directly to me. He did call my grandparents Grandma and Grandpa when around me when I was young so it's not just to me. There's just something about it that makes me cringe

My mum used to call me Mamma when she was speaking directly to me - "Mamma, can we have chocolate ice cream later?" I found it intensely irritating and told her to stop.