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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your partner does

40 replies

bluepurplepinkyellow · 14/09/2021 21:20

Aibu to ask what your partner does to make you feel happy, loved, wanted, needed and special ?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluepurplepinkyellow · 14/09/2021 21:22

Just realised it's not really an Aibu but didn't know where else to post

OP posts:
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 14/09/2021 21:28

To be honest, he's just there. He doesn't do anything special or out of the ordinary, we're a team, we talk, listen.

If I had to pinpoint something he'd done today, he got ds's milk ready while I did the bedtime routine, I put ds down in his cot, walked out of his room and dh was sat on the stairs and said he enjoyed tonight's story and gave me a cup of tea.
I play a game with ds where he tells me the 2 main characters and how the story ends and I make up the story, tonight it was about a T-Rex and a Dragon going shopping 🤣

PinkFootstool · 14/09/2021 21:28

When we're not bickering and in a generally healthier place than we are now.....

Puts the washing on pretty much most days. I rarely remember to do it.
Gets up early and takes the dogs out on alternate days so we can share lie ins (no kids).
Brings random crap home from the shop he thinks I'll like (I rarely do, but he tries really hard!) - weird flavours of chocolate or crisps etc.
Checks my car over before I go on a long journey even though I'd do it myself.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/09/2021 21:29

He shares the parenting, housework and wages load evenly, and without me having to instruct or request. Same goes for kids sick days, birthday parties, gift buying.

He treats me like his equal.

He brews up.

He picks up the wine I like when he passes the specific shop its sold in.

He discusses with my friends if he wants to plan a gift/trip away etc.

He treats my family like his own - or maybe even a bit better.

He is, without debate, the greatest father I know, of all the men in my friends and family circle. My children are incredibly lucky to have him as their dad.

QuillBill · 14/09/2021 21:31

Relationships? You could ask for it to be moved by reporting g your own post.

My dh is lovely. He always put the dc and I first. I realised I lived him when we were on the tube and I really needed the toilet so he said "let's get off then" and so we did and I went to the toilet in a pub. He isn't inconvenienced by things, he just takes things in his stride. When I was pregnant with our second baby he said that because life was going to get busy after the baby was born he was going to bring us tea in bed every morning until the baby was here. He still does it now and she's 14.

TheCanyon · 14/09/2021 21:36

We've just had the shopping delivered, he had added two multipacks of wispa golds. That is damn special in my book.

lemonsyellow · 14/09/2021 21:40

He goes out and buys me a packet of biscuits - even in the evening when it’s raining.

Holidaytan · 14/09/2021 21:44

Brings me tea in bed before he goes to work. Gets me lovely food from the shop.
Plans holidays/days out, of things I will love. Massages my feet every night.
Watches stuff he’s not interested in as I like it.
Stays with the dog while I go socialising. Tells me I’m gorgeous.
Sends money to my card so I can but extra bits for myself.
I could go on………

Magnalux · 14/09/2021 21:52

As soon as I say I’d love a cuppa he gets up and makes me one!! He’s made me tea every day for 15 years .. one of many little things he does that add up to a lot.

MintyGreenDream · 14/09/2021 21:58

He rings me whenever he can in the day while at work.Just to say hello or have a brief chat.

He prioritises spending time with me and ds over anyone else.

MintyGreenDream · 14/09/2021 22:00

Also.when I was pregnant he didn't drink alchohol for the whole 9 months because I couldn't.

TheHouseIsOnFire · 14/09/2021 22:00

When he comes round he will sometimes bring flowers, donuts, something for dinner etc including things for my DCs. He will give me a foot rub every evening he’s here. He makes me tea and asks if I want anything nice to go with it. Tells me I’m beautiful and how much he loves me. Supports me with my business ideas, both practically with accounting etc and just being a sounding board for new ideas. He always puts in time and effort in the bedroom to make sure I’m happy and satisfied. He’s kind and non judgmental, never makes me feel bad if I make a mistake. Tells me I’m sexy as hell even though I’m late 40s and weigh a lot more than I used to! He takes me on amazing holidays and weekend trips, pays for dinner most of the time when we go out and is generous with gifts etc. He’s appreciative of all the nice things I do for him too, and makes me feel very loved and secure.

Of course nobody is perfect, neither him nor me, so we do have the odd row, although nowhere near as often as we used to!! But on the whole he’s an amazing man and a wonderful partner. I feel a bit smug saying it, but it’s all true, so…

PermanentTemporary · 14/09/2021 22:05

He listens to songs I recommend. I've only once had a partner who would do that.

After Friday arrival sex he installs me on the sofa with a glass of wine and doesn't let me lift a finger. (We don't live together).

Original poster
bluepurplepinkyellow · 14/09/2021 22:10

They all sound so lovely. I've had quite a rough emotional day ( he knows this ) not once has he hugged me just sat on the sofa drinking beer and watching football on his phone, whilst I'm in bed quite upset, I've been put through quite a rough time and I often speak about it and today he told me it's f**king boring going over the same conversations I've suffered ocd in my life and I do go over things until I feel it's sorted, just feeling like does he even like me and now reading the replies I'm not so sure he does.

OP posts:
lilacdinosaur · 14/09/2021 22:10

Makes me a coffee every morning, always has my back and supports every decision I make, calls to check in every day when he's at work to make sure me and DD are okay. Last night he went out while I was putting DD to bed and brought home snacks cos I was feeling rubbish.

Anordinarymum · 14/09/2021 22:13

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

He shares the parenting, housework and wages load evenly, and without me having to instruct or request. Same goes for kids sick days, birthday parties, gift buying.

He treats me like his equal.

He brews up.

He picks up the wine I like when he passes the specific shop its sold in.

He discusses with my friends if he wants to plan a gift/trip away etc.

He treats my family like his own - or maybe even a bit better.

He is, without debate, the greatest father I know, of all the men in my friends and family circle. My children are incredibly lucky to have him as their dad.

I liked reading this
INeed2P · 14/09/2021 22:18

My DP randomly compliments me throughout the day, brings me cups of tea when he's getting one, surprises me with my favourite things (today came home unexpectedly with a Starbucks for me after going to the shop), always does the bins and dishwasher (which I hate!), makes sure to bring my fave snacks home from the supermarket, surprises me with flowers occasionally and is always there to listen when I'm stressed or annoyed! He's also physical too Smile

INeed2P · 14/09/2021 22:20

@bluepurplepinkyellow

They all sound so lovely. I've had quite a rough emotional day ( he knows this ) not once has he hugged me just sat on the sofa drinking beer and watching football on his phone, whilst I'm in bed quite upset, I've been put through quite a rough time and I often speak about it and today he told me it's f**king boring going over the same conversations I've suffered ocd in my life and I do go over things until I feel it's sorted, just feeling like does he even like me and now reading the replies I'm not so sure he does.
Sorry to hear this OP. Everyone shows this differently, however from your post it sounds like perhaps that's not happening for you. I hope you have someone to listen to you Thanks
PermanentTemporary · 14/09/2021 22:21

I could list things he doesn't do Grin every relationship has flip sides.

bridgeofslides · 14/09/2021 22:24

Gets up and let's the dog and emptied the dishwasher and makes coffee and feeds the pets every day.

Buys me v expensive chocolates ❤️

RosesAndHellebores · 14/09/2021 22:34

He isn't particularly demonstrative and we are both very independent but every night before he goes to sleep he reaches over my shoulder for my hand and tells me he loves me. He tells me every morning when he wakes up too. Brings me tea every morning.

We have been married for 30 years. Says he'd be lost without me.

Nelia5 · 14/09/2021 22:45

Let’s me sing along to my songs in the car. Sometimes even joins in. Always shares his snacks with me, even though I won’t buy any myself because I’m into “healthy eating” 😆

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/09/2021 22:50

He was my best friend before being my partner. He tells me daily he loves me...

He makes an effort to spend at least some time together every day. Either chatting shit /watching a film /eating. 😁

When he's working away he'll call at random times to say hello and see what's happening.

He's completely OK with me going out without him. He enjoys spending time with my pals and theur partners. He doesn't get drunk and throw up.Grin

He sends me links to fun movies I may like to go and see, and makes an effort to book tixs (is usual times).Grin

He's gone out in torrential rain to get shopping and makes sure we have enough of everything... It is never my sole responsibility.

He thinks a lot of his own family and makes an effort to show he's bothered about them... Travéls abroad to see them taking holiday. Always rings on birthdays and sends gifts.

He tolerates my obsessional interestsGrin.

We'll have good arguments without it getting personal. He doesn't hold grudges...

OP everyone deserves to feel loved by their partners... Really hope you find a way through it.

nellytheelephantscircus · 14/09/2021 22:54

He always lets me put my feet in his lap when we watch a film so he can rub them for me. He tells me often how proud/amazed/happy he is at what I've achieved and always tells me he loves me.

He compliments me and always seems to notice if I've done something a little different with my hair or make up or if I've got a new dress or something.

He pulls his weight around the house and even though he would much rather just get to bed, he always does the 10-15 minutes of "putting the house straight" first without complaint as I can't sleep if it's not done.

murasaki · 14/09/2021 22:55

Listening to my work woes , trying to give constructive advice although it's so not his field. Always makes my coffee at the weekends, he starts earlier in the week, so can't do it then. deals with cat sick when he's up and doesn't leave it for me. Makes me do things like doctors appointments etc when I think it's not necessary but actually it is, makes me laugh, makes me feel pretty (a hard job i think). Doesn't moan too much when I want to watch eastenders...he's a keeper. But I could list stuff i do for him, its a partnership