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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what your partner does

40 replies

bluepurplepinkyellow · 14/09/2021 21:20

Aibu to ask what your partner does to make you feel happy, loved, wanted, needed and special ?

OP posts:
BlueberrySugar · 14/09/2021 22:56

Not so much grand gestures but I know he always has my back.

I'm a SAHM but I can rely on him to request a day off or to finish early to attend appointments, like dental work etc.

I can rely on him to come straight home. He wouldn't just make plans without asking me what I have planned or if I mind. I never do btw it's just the way he is.

He texts me every time he is on break and before he goes back in will always tell me he loves me. I can't always reply especially if I'm out and don't hear my phone. He never questions why as he knows I'll be busy.

Makes me dinner, when I cba. Does the washing up. Puts a wash on. Will drive me anywhere I want to go. I don't drive.

Will always put mine and DS's interests before his own.

This makes me sound like a bit of control freak! I'm really not he just feels the need to run every little thing by me which is annoying but he always had to with his mum Hmm.

BlueberrySugar · 14/09/2021 22:58

Also cleans, hoovers etc. Which is pretty basic things but he lives here too.

murasaki · 14/09/2021 22:59

The fact that my phone automatically gives me stockport County football updates for him is both nice and a sad state of affairs. How does mt phone even think I'm interested after I checked it a few times? He likes this.

TheWinterSmoulder · 14/09/2021 23:07

Hugs me, makes the coffee every morning, listens to me and tells me gently when I’m overthinking, talks to me about his worries.
Lies in bed cuddled round me so we can read Twitter or an article and have a good discussion/laugh in the dark.
He’s an amazing WhatsApp flirter.
Tells me I am his heart, his home, how he loves me more every day. It sounds less cheesy in his language!
Growls when he catches me undressing at night. I can’t tell you how this overweight middle aged woman appreciates that. And the rest… 😉
He’s also annoyingly cheery, a neat freak, we argue a lot because he’s emotional, open and passionate, being a foreign sort, but he’d no more ignore me being upset than he’d fly to the moon.

Im so sorry OP. It sounds a bit hurtful and lonely for you just now. I hope you’re ok. 💐

Flipflopfoodle · 14/09/2021 23:26

Tbh he is poor with special occasions but I don't mind that. It's little things, like last week I was in the school car park waiting to collect a DC and suddenly looked up to see DH at window. He happened to be driving past at the right time on the way to a new client, just stopped by, kissed me, then he went onto work.
Married 20 yrs

sofakingcool · 14/09/2021 23:26

He drives me nuts most of the time - can never find anything, never really listens properly, over dramatises everything...

But, the one thing he's ever done which I think was amazing was stepping up to being a step dad to DS1. Life was utterly crap when he appeared, DS was 2, I was in the midst of a messy nasty family court battle with DS's Dad, and TBH it staggers me that he didn't run a mile.
Instead he has emotionally, financially and every other way supported DS1 and I, all whilst always being respectful to DS's Dad (not that he deserved it)
He deserves a medal for that ❤️

lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2021 23:37

Comes along to things he couldn’t give a shit about (horse shows etc) and pretends he’s having a nice time.

Buys me weird and wonderful things

Humours without question a very weird family In joke that previous partners have not as it’s childish/silly/immature

I was very stressed the other week and hardly slept on a Friday night, we needed to be up early on a Saturday but he sent me to bed for another half hour. Cleaned the kitchen and the living room and made breakfast and coffee.

Loads of little things that I can’t think of now but he’s a good egg. He’s not one for grand guestures but almost everything he does is with a degree of care and affection.

wobblywinelover · 14/09/2021 23:39

He loves me unconditionally, is supportive, protective and understanding. He gives me a hug every time I get in from work after a hard day but gives me space when I need it.

He does his bit around the house and has a lovely relationship with my son. He would never think of messaging other women and is protective and interested in my life without being jealous or controlling.

He's flippin gorgeous and looking at his smile he just makes me want to hug and kiss him for him just being amazing. He's great fun, we have a laugh together, share the same sense of humour and we know how to make each other feel better whenever something worries us.

He's got hobbies but is respectful of them not infringing unfairly on our time together and is encouraging of my hobbies too. We both share interests in all things weird and wonderful and will talk for hours about anything, often philosophical discussions which might not even lead anywhere but it's been fun talking about it.

He knows what makes me tick and I feel the same about him. Sometimes just lying on the bed cuddling each other is the best thing, but other times sex is the best way for us to unwind. We have a great time together in bed and he knows exactly what he's doing and doesn't judge my mum bod, the same as I don't judge his dad bod. Sometimes we have a good giggle about it. Neither of us feel insecure in each other's company.

Our visions for the future align and we're both looking forward to making our plans work for the future. We know what to do to keep our relationship alive and couldn't imagine a life without each other.

I've not met him yet (sorry OP). Not sure if he exists but one can hope?

Anordinarymum · 14/09/2021 23:45

@bluepurplepinkyellow

They all sound so lovely. I've had quite a rough emotional day ( he knows this ) not once has he hugged me just sat on the sofa drinking beer and watching football on his phone, whilst I'm in bed quite upset, I've been put through quite a rough time and I often speak about it and today he told me it's f**king boring going over the same conversations I've suffered ocd in my life and I do go over things until I feel it's sorted, just feeling like does he even like me and now reading the replies I'm not so sure he does.
OP My bloke does no housework. He drops his clothes on the bedroom floor which annoys the fuck out of me and cannot cook. Domestically he's pretty useless and some people on here would say LTB

He makes a good cup of tea. and he is kind.

He has never in all our years together said a single bad thing to me or made me feel unwanted or unloved.

I don't know what has happened to you but if you are upset then why the hell is he speaking to you like that?

Wineat5isfine · 14/09/2021 23:47

Makes the best tea (very important). Gives the best cuddles…and is the best dad.

Also gives me weekly pedicures. He’s a pro now

He’s always thinking of me and our children and I couldn’t wish for anyone better.

GTAlogic · 14/09/2021 23:49

Makes me a cup of tea for when I get up and again for when I get home from work.

Helped me wash my hair when I hurt my hand and leg and couldn't shower properly.

Buys me little treats from the shop when he goes.

Laughs with me over loads of daft stuff.

Cooks quite a lot.

Lets me have a long lie-in most weekends.

Gives me random cuddles.

DaphneeBridgerton · 14/09/2021 23:51

We have a 5 month old baby ...

Makes me breakfast in bed every morning while I feed the baby, cooks lunch and dinner + clears up and cleans the kitchen, takes the rubbish out, does the washing and works full time from home so comes down every now and then to hold the baby and give me ten minutes to myself

On an emotional level he listens to me, encourages me, compliments me, supports me, makes me laugh, never puts me down or raises his voice

This makes our marriage sound absolutely perfect which is obviously isn't - it takes work and compromise but it helps to have a partner who wants to make you happy and shows it daily in his or her actions

Shodan · 15/09/2021 00:15

He always says how amazing I am, whatever it is I've done -20 minute run, painted a picture, made something...He always sounds so proud.

He thinks up places we can go for days out- sometimes it's just a particular restaurant by the sea- 1.5 hour journey there and back, we just set off and see what else happens.

He makes me tea.

He calms me down- I'm a terrible over-thinker, he's far more 'go with the flow'- we balance each other out.

He makes me laugh so hard I cry.

He gives brilliant massages.

He snores like a bugger though Grin

rhowton · 16/09/2021 14:46

Brings me a cup of tea in bed to wake me up after he's taken my two DD down for breakfast. Then we all get in bed for 30 minutes and watch the TV before getting ready for school and work. I love our morning routine.

Themadcatparade · 16/09/2021 15:00

Asks me if I’m safe on every journey, keeps me updated on his journeys to let me know I’m safe. Tells me he loves me multiple times a day. Makes sure he comes home with flowers every time I feel ill or I’ve had a bad day. Will not sit down if I’m up pottering around the house, he will make sure he’s helping or doing something. Rubs my knees every night we have in front of the tub because he knows they kill me! Shares the household bills or takes on the shopping at every chance he can. Asks how my day was every day. Asks me if I need anything before he gets in bed or if he knows I’m up in the night. Talks about me to his friends and family. Takes pictures of me and the children. Let’s me rant if I’m not happy. Let’s me rant and takes it on board when I have a problem with him! Listens to me. Let’s me explain. Says I’m sorry. Forgives me. Makes sure I’m satisfied on the sexual front and that my needs are met before his. Compliments me. Makes sure I always have a drink when we are at home, whether that be a glass of wine, water or a coffee. Let’s me have my free time if I need it. Makes sure the girls needs are met. Looks at me when I’m talking. Challenges me and tries to change my perspective over my thinking. Is open minded over my thoughts and opinions even if they don’t match his. Makes sure I laugh every day. Asks for my opinions on his own personal matters. Involves me. Respects my family and my friends. Doesn’t take me for granted.

There are many more I’m sure. I know how fortunate I am. I just hope I can do everything I can in life to make sure he can say the same about me also Grin

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