Better to olds mans darling than a young mans slave?

[Notagoodtime]

Admittedly this is a very old saying that my 98 gran recites, but wondering if this is true? Met up with a friend at the weekend who has 2 small children and is a full time mum. Her hubby is 18 years older than her so nearly 60. She admitted that he does most of the cooking and cleaning as well being a hands on dad. My gran also had a hubby that was 15 years older than her and always tells me he was ahead of his time and would be very attentive in family life. Is there any truth?

Never heard of that one.

Yeah, when I see men who seek out women 20 years younger than them I always think 'well, he must be an absolute champion of gender equality'

I know of more older men who dont lift a finger at home or treat their wives particularly nicely than young men, so I dont think theres any truth in it.

That’s a very old fashioned saying! I have heard it before but in historical contexts, I didn’t realise it was something people still said!

I think there are individuals. Some older men do nothing because they have old fashioned ideas about gender roles and some young men do an equal share and everything possible in between.

I think the theory was that an older man would be so lucky to get you he would spoil you, and also it assumes the man has all the power. It’s a very transactional view of marriage and I prefer the modern view that the ideal is to be equal partners personally!

I think originally it meant that your Old Man wouldn’t be around long enough for the Darling effect to wear off.
I don’t think there’s much truth in it now. Men of all ages can either be equal partners pulling their weight with house and childcare or lazy sods who do nothing.

My gran used to say this, often, though her husband was only three years older than her. She was born in 1909, so it's probably from that generation or before.

I think another aspect was that older men were more likely to be richer so he would pay for servants whereas the younger man wouldn’t have made it yet so you would have to do all the work.

Better to be yourself and share your life with a partner.

Surely it depends on the old man or the young man. Maybe men who feel theyre punching above their weight are more grateful??

origin - can be traced back to 1546! I think it made more sense then tbh

I’ve heard that before. Usually from recently divorced women!

Luckily we have other options besides being a darling or a slave these days!

Really? I have found the complete opposite. Looking at parents generation where the men are usually older, the dads I know didn’t lift a finger. Compare that to my generation where they are the same age and often younger (in my peer group anyway), they are hands on and do loads of housework etc. I thought it was because they all had to fend for themselves at uni so are quite used to doing all that. My dad and his friends would have no clue if their wives packed off for a week!

I think you're more likely to find a younger man (under 40) who does the cooking, cleaning, etc rather than an older man (60+) just due to generational changes. It's becoming much more normal to share housework.

The original saying was from the 1500s (and before): ‘better to be an old man’s darling than a young man’s warling’. Ie better to be loved by an old man than be despised by a young one. It was marriage advice to ugly / disabled / less than perfect women.

I like to think there are now other options available than either of those two possibilities!

I’ve never heard that but my DH is younger than me and I’m definitely no slave.

I disagree, I don't think its age that is the key factor here.

Better to just have a high bar when choosing a partner, regardless of age.

Sooner or later, a woman who marries an old man is likely to become his nurse and slave another way.

My parents had a 35 year age gap. Just don't, is my advice.

It's better for women to not be defined by men.

In my experience - no. But a lazy man is a lazy man irrespective of age.

I quite like ‘warling’, what a shame that the word has fallen out of usage. Thanks for the etymology @Ozanj

I’ve heard that phrase before. I think it means that if you marry a young man you’ll have to be a skivvy to him plus mum to kids, whereas an old man will have made his money and had his kids so will be able to keep his darling in style.

Both scenarios have a strong whiff of misogynistic bollocks if you ask me.

And, as a PP has already pointed out, a partner needs health and a good attitude in order to pull his weight. Bigger age gaps are more likely to encounter failing health.

I've heard the phrase but not true in my case. My partner is 51, 17 years older than me. I'm basically a slave.