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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Table hoggers

87 replies

wanttomarryamillionaire · 14/09/2021 14:45

Im not sure if im being unreasonable or not but this really irritated me this morning. Myself and an elderly relative went to a very popular local cafe. It has less tables and chairs inside than it used to because of covid regulations and it also has tables and chairs outside but these were unusable this morning due to the pouring rain. The cafe was very busy and we waited for around 20 minutes for a table. During the time we waited there were at least 3 tables of people who had finished eating and drinking and were just sat there chatting. These people could see that there were lots of others waiting for tables but just continued to sit there chatting the whole time we were waiting and while we ate and were still sitting there when we left! AIBU to say this is really really rude and selfish? They can see others were waiting and they kept tables from being used, i also think the cafe manager should have said something to them.

OP posts:
Workyticket · 15/09/2021 00:10

I don't think people are unreasonable for lingering at their table

If I meet a friend I've not seen for ages we'd get coffee, chat, order cake chat, more coffee... i definitely wouldn't pay ££ to eat and scarper

Similarly, if it was raining and I had an hour or so to kill I'd maybe order another cuppa rather than leaving to mooch in the rain

Twilight7777 · 15/09/2021 00:13

If you’ve paid for a drink/food you are paying to sit there, a drink can be half an hour, a meal and hour to 2 hours, YABU

Iamthewombat · 15/09/2021 00:15

Who continues to sit at a cafe table, having finished eating and drinking, when they can see an elderly lady waiting for a table? That’s selfish.

SpidersAreShitheads · 15/09/2021 00:56

So, is the elderly lady going to scramble to leave as soon as she's wolfed down her piece of cake and cup of tea? Most of the older people I've ever been to cafes with like to take their time and relax and don't leave the instant they've finished.

And it's the same with me. I don't get to see my friends very often - complicated home life means I am very rarely child-free. If we meet at a cafe, we're there for a chat and a catch-up too - that's what cafes are for. Once I've had a hot drink, I might go back up for a piece of cake - or another drink etc.

The whole point of cafes isn't just to quench your thirst or satisfy hunger, it's about seeing friends, chatting and just relaxing. Being glared at while I gobble up food as quickly as possible isn't the point of a cafe imo. Look at the continent - pavement cafes where people sit and watch the world go by - that's the joy of visiting a cafe. If it's just for bolting down a drink you might as well get a takeout and sit in your car.

SkiingIsHeaven · 15/09/2021 01:12

What if the had driven miles to see each other and hadn't seen each other for two years?

They could have been having a really good catch up after everything that has gone on?

QueenBee52 · 15/09/2021 01:12

So, is the elderly lady going to scramble to leave as soon as she's wolfed down her piece of cake and cup of tea?

Scramble ?? wolfed down ???

HARDLY 🙄

QueenBee52 · 15/09/2021 01:14

Being glared at while I gobble up food

Where in earth do You eat 🤢

KosherDill · 15/09/2021 01:41

Part of dining out is enjoying the chat and the atmosphere, not just wolfing down food at top speed. The latter can be done at home.

I can't blame them; the early bird gets the worm.

KosherDill · 15/09/2021 01:43

@lockdownalli

I don't understand why you waited for 20 minutes?

If I go to a cafe and there are no tables, I just go somewhere else Confused

If it was somewhere that's the arse end of nowhere with only one cafe for miles, then that's the risk you take, that it will be busy and you will have to wait for ages. Given that it was pouring with rain, people were probably waiting for it to stop?

Have to agree here. No one is forced to wait.

SpidersAreShitheads · 15/09/2021 02:36

@QueenBee52

So, is the elderly lady going to scramble to leave as soon as she's wolfed down her piece of cake and cup of tea?

Scramble ?? wolfed down ???

HARDLY 🙄

If someone is staring at you the entire time because they want your table and has the expectation that you should chuck your drink down your neck and piss off - as is intimated in several places on this thread - then yes, exactly that. Not HARDLY at all.

Most regular people sit at a table, savour their cake and enjoy a nice relaxing drink without sprinting out of the cafe the minute they've finished. It's bonkers to suggest you ruin your visit to the cafe because someone else is waiting. It's not a factory production line.

Kanaloa · 15/09/2021 03:25

I would have no issue with sitting after I had finished eating if I was meeting a friend or chatting. Often if I get a meal I will sit for a bit and chat before ordering a pudding as I don’t feel like it straight away.

Or possibly they were taking a break in the middle of a long drive etc. If there were no seats available you had the choice of either waiting or going elsewhere.

Kanaloa · 15/09/2021 03:27

Obviously pps talking about people sitting 3/4 hours is a totally different kettle of fish, but I would return to somewhere that asked me to leave (as some have suggested the manager should have done) the moment my food was finished.

Kanaloa · 15/09/2021 03:27

*wouldn’t return

readingismycardio · 15/09/2021 05:48

We were just discussing this the other day! There's a lovely bistro where we live, does breakfast & brunches & coffee but it's always full. They only have about 5 tables outside so inevitably there's always people waiting for a table. I always see people who obviously finished their meals/coffee and just chat away, seeing full well that there's other people waiting to be seated. Rude AF.

Sugarandtime · 15/09/2021 07:41

There are a lot of rude things in life.

Sitting enjoying your drink, cake etc that you have purchased is not one of them.

Going to a cafe hat you can see is busy and has no available tables, , glaring at people and expecting them to eat as quickly as possible and leave as soon as they’ve swallowed their last mouthful just so you can have their table is definitely in the extremely rude things to do in life.

daisyducky · 15/09/2021 07:50

I have no idea how our local Caffè Nero makes any money. Same people every day hogging tables with their laptops & no drinks. It's so irritating especially since there is a work space cafe across the road!

NailsNeedDoing · 15/09/2021 07:57

People aren’t obliged to leave their table the moment they have finished eating. They have paid for an eat in experience, not a take away, so they should be allowed to stay until they have comfortably finished. Hanging around for an hour after finishing is selfish. Hanging around for 20 minutes is normal.

C8H10N4O2 · 15/09/2021 08:06

Hi thank you for all the replies. I only sat and waited because this place is the only place round here that's suitable for the elderly relative ( ie not a greasy spoon full of builders swearing)

Would she have an attack of the vapours and need her corsets loosening?

Honestly the whole point of meeting friends in a cafe is to have some time to catch up and not to be chased out the minute you drain the cup or finish eating. Why else would we pay to use the table rather than take it away? You chose to wait rather than risk sharing space with oiks, that was your choice.

BoredZelda · 15/09/2021 11:07

There was two chairs to sit on while you waited at the entrance.

So you sat and had your coffee. Sounds fine to me.

SummaLuvin · 15/09/2021 11:22

Seems like people have different ideas of what cafes should be used for.

Some people use it as a place to get and consume nice drinks and food only, once that is done they are finished.

Others (myself included) view as an experience beyond the consumables. A nice place to sit, people watch, relax, catch-up with friends, work.... and so because of those factors don’t leave immediately upon finishing food and drink. I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to cut short their experience because others are waiting, sadly it’s luck of the draw. I do think there is a line of taking the mick though as others have said, I would make a purchase every 45 minutes - 1 hour.

Original poster
wanttomarryamillionaire · 15/09/2021 12:43

@C8H10N4O2

Hi thank you for all the replies. I only sat and waited because this place is the only place round here that's suitable for the elderly relative ( ie not a greasy spoon full of builders swearing)

Would she have an attack of the vapours and need her corsets loosening?

Honestly the whole point of meeting friends in a cafe is to have some time to catch up and not to be chased out the minute you drain the cup or finish eating. Why else would we pay to use the table rather than take it away? You chose to wait rather than risk sharing space with oiks, that was your choice.

Nothing to do with not sharing with oiks! She is an elderly lady and I don't know many elderly people who would be happy to sit in a very noisy, very masculine environment listening to every other word being effing and jeffing! Wouldn't bother me in the slightest but im pretty sure most elderly ladies wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation.
OP posts:
Original poster
wanttomarryamillionaire · 15/09/2021 12:45

@SummaLuvin

Seems like people have different ideas of what cafes should be used for.

Some people use it as a place to get and consume nice drinks and food only, once that is done they are finished.

Others (myself included) view as an experience beyond the consumables. A nice place to sit, people watch, relax, catch-up with friends, work.... and so because of those factors don’t leave immediately upon finishing food and drink. I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to cut short their experience because others are waiting, sadly it’s luck of the draw. I do think there is a line of taking the mick though as others have said, I would make a purchase every 45 minutes - 1 hour.

I agree that people sitting for a while after they have finished is normal. However sitting there 45 minutes after they have finished while there is a big queue of people waiting for a table is just plain selfish and rude.
OP posts:
Original poster
wanttomarryamillionaire · 15/09/2021 12:46

@BoredZelda

There was two chairs to sit on while you waited at the entrance.

So you sat and had your coffee. Sounds fine to me.

Not in the waiting area we didn't, we eventually got a table and we had our coffee, then we vacated the table for others to use!
OP posts:
lockdownalli · 15/09/2021 13:00

I think there has been a gradual change in UK cafes to adopt a more European style of cafe. So it's now far more socially acceptable to spend hours loitering around, sipping coffee, then 30 minutes later ordering a cake, then half an hour later another coffee, whilst reading, chatting, whatever.

My young adult DC regularly spend hours in cafes as do most of their friends. If they arrived and there was nowhere to sit, they just go somewhere else.

I think your issue OP is that you chose a cafe that was busy and there was no viable alternative nearby. Maybe next time be prepared to get back in your car and go elsewhere? If the cafe owner values repeat business over turning tables, that's their perogative.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 15/09/2021 13:13

@PineappleWilson

What was so good about this cafe that you waited 20 minutes for a table? I'd have left and gone elsewhere tbh.
I wouldn't even wait 2 minutes for a table unless I was told by the cafe owner that a table would be free for me shortly.

It's amazing how patient people are. Or how impatient I am. Or both.