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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About these shoes?

45 replies

Pallyum · 14/09/2021 10:13

Dd bought some shoes online and had them sent to me here - she no longer lives at home. She found some other shoes she liked better, bought them, and asked me to return the ones she got sent here. I agreed.

I didn’t do it in time for various reasons - not sure if they’re relevant but just in case they are: I work full time but have had Covid so was off sick, I’m moving, I have other dc at home etc. Anyway, I proposed to dd that I sell the shoes on eBay or FB marketplace and give her whatever I got for them.

She is not happy with me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 10:15

Yes becayse you should have told her you’d not be able to do it.

DeepaBeesKit · 14/09/2021 10:15

You agreed to do it, I think you had to either do it, or tell her in time that you couldnt.

Sirzy · 14/09/2021 10:16

Did you let her know you wouldn’t be able to in plenty of time for her to make other arrangements?

PumpkinKlNG · 14/09/2021 10:17

I wouldn’t be happy either, she won’t get anywhere near the price she paid for them!

Jumpingintosummer · 14/09/2021 10:17

Why didn’t you tell her you couldn’t return them at the time?

Mischance · 14/09/2021 10:20

Ah ... shock, horror .... mother turns out to be a mere mortal!

LakeShoreD · 14/09/2021 10:20

YABU because you agreed to return the shoes. If you were too busy then you could have easily said no but because you said yes you now owe her the full value of the shoes and should pay her ASAP. If you can recoup anything by selling them second hand then great but that doesn’t change anything as far as your daughter is concerned.

Original poster
Pallyum · 14/09/2021 10:22

Ok seems IABU then. Thanks for responses. I told her I could do it because I thought I could - I didn’t anticipate getting ill.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 14/09/2021 10:23

I think you need to reimburse her the full price of the shoes, not what you get off eBay (which I expect will be a fraction of the price).

TwooThirty · 14/09/2021 10:23

You agreed to do it is the thing. In hindsight you should been upfront and said you won’t have time and she needs to sort it herself.

Try eBay but can you put a minimum price on them to see if you can recoup the full cost?

PumpkinKlNG · 14/09/2021 10:24

So did you or not you not tell her you would no longer be able to do it before the time was over? You can’t really think you will get what you paid for them new? People want something for nothing on eBay/ Facebook doubt you will get even half of what she paid. maybe sell them and pay her the difference?

Sirzy · 14/09/2021 10:25

@Pallyum

Ok seems IABU then. Thanks for responses. I told her I could do it because I thought I could - I didn’t anticipate getting ill.
But you could have sent her a message as soon as it was clear you where Ill so she could pick them up ans sort it
TwooThirty · 14/09/2021 10:25

@Pallyum

Ok seems IABU then. Thanks for responses. I told her I could do it because I thought I could - I didn’t anticipate getting ill.
Of course you didn’t. But you named a lot more than getting Covid as a reason for not doing it. Perhaps at the point of getting ill (assuming you weren’t at deaths door obviously) you should have told her you weren’t going to be able to do it anymore.
negomi90 · 14/09/2021 10:26

If you weren't going to be able to do it, you needed to tell her in enough time that she could have considered alternative options - going to get them herself, asking someone else etc.
Your way will cost her money (she'll get less then in a return) she has also likely lost trust in you. If you couldn't return the shoes on time, how long are you going to take to do ebay? And if you can do ebay which is more work, why couldn't you return the shoes in the first place.

It would have been to say initially that you didn't think you could return them. But after you said you could, you needed to do it. Instead you broke your word and are now offering a worse alternative which you may not do.

marieantoinehairnet · 14/09/2021 10:26

They're her shoes, not your problem, perhaps she could go it herself?

Palavah · 14/09/2021 10:27

I think maybe yanbu. Why was she sending them to your house and not her actual home?
Does she have form for this and getting you to do her admin for her?

cherrytreecottage · 14/09/2021 10:32

How long have you had them? Most retailers have extended returns period due to COVID so just wondered if you'd actually tried to return them and they'd been refused?
I had an item from Next dating back to May and returned it on Friday - they didn't even question it.

Original poster
Pallyum · 14/09/2021 10:32

I do agree I should’ve managed the situation differently. I suppose I had that thing going on where I thought “I’ll be fine, I can do it” etc.

I told her I was ill but she lives about 250 miles away so she couldn’t really drop by to pick them up! I don’t actually know why she got them sent here - good question, I’ll ask her!

And I know I won’t get what they’re worth - just thought trying might be worth a go.

OP posts:
stripedbananas · 14/09/2021 10:34

If she lives so far away why did she get them sent to you

SummerHouse · 14/09/2021 10:39

One of those things. Not your fault at all. She asked, you kindly agreed, shit happened that means they didn't get sent back. If I was your daughter I would be saying thanks anyway, lovely mum, don't worry about it.

slashlover · 14/09/2021 10:39

How long did you wait because the Consumer Contracts Regulations state that you have 14 days to say you will be returning the item and then a further 14 days to return it? How long after receiving them did she decide that she didn't want them?

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 10:45

All you had to do is say I can’t do it as I’m ill. Although the range of reasons like having other kids at home indicates you had longer than two weeks.

Is she a uni student, why did she have them sent to you, is that her home?

lanthanum · 14/09/2021 10:56

With hindsight, you should have said "I'll try to return them", but she knows you were ill and ought to be able to work out the consequences.

If she's 250 miles away, if you'd said no, she'd presumably have lost the money anyway, so I think she has to accept the consequences of having had them sent to your address. (Seems crazy - she wasn't going to be able to check the fit either - presumably it's not actually what she intended to do.)

I think your proposal sounds sensible - unless she'd rather pay the postage for you to send them to her so she can try and sell them.

It might be worth a sob-story plea to whoever she bought them from...? They might waive the time-limit given covid isolation, especially as they haven't even been tried on.

LagunaBubbles · 14/09/2021 11:00

don’t actually know why she got them sent here - good question, I’ll ask her!

Is that not the first thing you would have asked when she said she was going to get them sent to your house surely? Confused

Original poster
Pallyum · 14/09/2021 11:03

She’s not a uni student, she’s 26.

I didn’t ask why she got them sent here because she’d only moved out about a month previously and I assumed it was a mistake. I’ll ask her later though.

OP posts:
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