What is the moral thing to do in this situation

[LynnBenfieldAP]

Hypothetically speaking what would you do in this situation

If you had a long distance relationship a good few years ago and were a size 10, you then reconnected with this person without seeing each other for the duration of this time, you are now a size 14/16.

If you were arranging to meet up would you tell the person before hand you had gained weight? If so would you just come out and say it or work it in naturally to conversation? Send a picture? 🤷🏻‍♀️

People I have asked in real life say no, but I think it's a bit unfair and almost like cat fishing when you know they remember you as a lot smaller, also I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation where I could see the shock/disappointment on their face in person!

He'll probably be worried about changing with getting older too, he'll be worried about his belly, receding hair etc but it really shouldn't matter.

There will still be chemistry between you, don't let your worries get in the way of having a great time.

Lynn It's only two sizes - that really isn't a great deal. It's not like you've put on a lot of weight through binging on Toblerones whilst driving a Vauxhall Vectra to Dundee in your bare feet now, is it?

Just say 'gosh I hope you recognise me, I've put on a few stone '. He may have the same worries.

@JustHowILikeIt

Just say 'gosh I hope you recognise me, I've put on a few stone '. He may have the same worries.

That makes OP sound like Mama June. It’s only a couple of stone, just send a nice flatting but realistic photo ‘hey check me out in my new dress for work’ or whatever.

I've been in a similar situation and did bring it up in advance, but I did it as a joke - something like "oh, you won't recognise me, I'm enormous now." He just laughed and said something like "I'm sure you're beautiful as always" and it turned out not to be an issue. But if that's something that would work in your relationship, it's one way to give him an opening (or an out, if that's how he feels) without being super awkward specifically bringing it up, or making him feel like you assume he'd care (which might be insulting from his POV if he really doesn't).

It doesn't sound like it's a huge gain, though, and he's probably prepared for there to have been some changes if it's been several years since he's seen you.

OP I agree that you should make sure he knows roughly what you look like now to avoid any risk of seeing something negative in his reaction, but I really don’t think you should be apologetically informing him you’ve put on weight or are larger now or whatever. I’d approach it more from the mindset of just ‘this is what I look like now’ - no need to point out weight gain any more than you would extra wrinkles or grey hairs! Otherwise, I think you’re setting yourself up to feel bad or ashamed about your appearance, and you’re setting him up to focus on what might have changed about you, instead of just how attractive you are today.

I wouldn't say anything.

Why should you pre warn him that you've changed a bit. That's perfectly normal and understandable