To wonder why people wade in on threads that clearly they can’t contribute to?

[wannagotoaustralia]

Does anyone know what I mean? A thread will say something like ‘Dog owners - I need your help’ and someone will post to say ‘well I’ve never owned a dog but I think …’

Or you get something like ‘AIBU to think Friends is really misogynistic’ and someone replies with ‘don’t know - never seen it.’ Or ‘what would you buy an eight year old boy for Christmas.’ ‘Nothing, I only know one boy and he’s two.’ Sometimes they’ll admit ‘so that doesn’t really help.’ So what’s the point? Are people just that desperate for attention?

It’s not to aid sinking threads either, it happens even on busy threads that a lot of people are enjoying.

So - AIBU to ask if you’ve noticed this and AIBU to think it’s really annoying?

I know this is probably going off topic a little, ironic, but what about posters who comment on someone’s post telling them how horrible, nasty they are for expressing whatever view was expressed. A few others pile in, and then one pokes fun at that poster (not OP) for not returning to the thread. Yeah sure, like all posters should beholden to random strangers in the internet and come back and reply because you said so.

I think some people just like a bit of a chat even if it’s to say nothing much. It’s just making contact.

Also very annoying are the people who just downright refuse to read the OP. For example:

OP. I've just found out my husband of five years is cheating on me. I'm devastated but I know I'm leaving him. I'm taking our 1yo DD to my mums. We both own the house. Where do I go from here?

Annoying poster 1: Are you married?

Annoying poster 2: Do you have DC?

Annoying poster 3: Do you own the house or rent?

It's literally right there in the OP . Why do some people only read the first line before posting? It's such a pointless waste of time.

Obviously RTFT (or at least all OP posts, or the last page).
I’ve literally just seen a “LTB” on page 11 of a thread where even just reading the last post would have made it clear that OP had done just that, so a better post would have been, “glad you’ve decided to… LTB” 😂

@Nayday

The best/worst are the ones which reply in order to state this isn't a problem for them

OP: My DS can't do basic arithmetic. What can we do?

Reply: DS actually did his Maths degree aged 3 and actually is pretty much a genius at everything, no idea what I'd do in your terrible position!

This! These posters see it as a chance to boast about their success with no regard for the OP

I've never been on MumsNet, but I think you're right or wrong.

Great thread! Not specific to MN, but if I find a recipe online I like the look of, I check the comments to see if anyone has actually made the dish and can confirm the recipe works. What I usually find, especially on US sites, is a long succession of people saying 'Looks great! I'll be trying this out real soon!' dated eight years ago. Did they try it? Was it so awful that they actually died as a result, and that's why they didn't come back to tell us what it was like?

Re using MN as a way of getting some interaction with other adults - I see that, of course, it's why most of us are here - but if you wandered up to a group of people already deep in conversation and just randomly said whatever was on your mind, relevant or not, you probably wouldn't find it a successful way of making friends.

You see it a lot on pregnancy as well.

I'm looking for advice from people who had a planned section for second baby. Experiences please.

Well I'm eight months pregnant with first and having a natural birth.

Well I had an emergency section.....

Actually the more I think about it, it's everywhere!

@sst1234

“I know this is probably going off topic a little, ironic, but what about posters who comment on someone’s post telling them how horrible, nasty they are for expressing whatever view was expressed. A few others pile in, and then one pokes fun at that poster (not OP) for not returning to the thread. Yeah sure, like all posters should beholden to random strangers in the internet and come back and reply because you said so.”

Yes, I delete my account whenever an argument becomes too draining. I also find many people obsessively quick to point out ‘irony’ or lack of self awareness, which gets a bit tiresome.
Of course, none of this helps much so I agree with
@Ijustknowitstimetogo

“I think some people just like a bit of a chat even if it’s to say nothing much. It’s just making contact.”
Yes, that’s me.

Also, sometimes the title sucks you in like ‘the what job do you do thread?’ Only to find their question is a bit more specific.

There are loads of chat threads, though. There is absolutely no need to barge in on someone needing advice with ‘I’m a SAHM’.

To be fair, with the S & B one, you can love clothes (hence frequent S & B board) but not be into fashion.

So when someone says something like "I love skinny jeans and they suit me, they're out so can't wear them any more 😭 but I look shit in mom jeans, how can I look less shit in these horrid things???" Then yes, someone will suggest it's OK for the poster to wear what she likes and not slavishly follow fashion diktats. That's just discussion.

I think a lot of them just do it to be obnoxious tbh. The amount of bitch plopping you see in eg the Christmas topic. I mean it’s a topic for people who want to discuss Christmas at any time of the year, usually a friendly, chatty place. If you’re not interested in thinking about Christmas until 22nd of December that’s fine but jumping into threads to at the very idea that some people do look forward to it and put a lot of effort into making it special is just being a dick.

Extra dick points for those who mosey in to accuse anybody giving dc something more than a pair of charity shop knickers for Christmas of destroying the environment.

I get that sometimes it's a valid S&B opinion to say that the OP should give a style a swerve if it's never going to suit her, or that you personally prefer to plough your own furrow. Very few S&Bistas will follow every single trend (I'm not sure any of them ever wore a cold shoulder top).

But if the OP clearly does care about where a particular look is placed on the fashion cycle the "why on earth would you even care?" response is both unhelpful and insulting.

I don't mind useless responses as much as I do those who wade into a long running thread with a generally wordy response based purely on the OP, blithely ignoring any updates from them. Or worse based on the title without reading even the first post.
I mean how arrogant do you have to be to do that ?

@rookiemere

I don't mind useless responses as much as I do those who wade into a long running thread with a generally wordy response based purely on the OP, blithely ignoring any updates from them. Or worse based on the title without reading even the first post. I mean how arrogant do you have to be to do that ?

Oh YY to this. MN now has this really useful thing where you can see everything that the OP has written - you don't even have to rtft any more to see their updates if you don't want to - but oh no, poster after poster offering pointless advice. It should be grounds for being banned permanently from MN.

There is a thread running right this minute in the property section which is on 17 pages now, which is rare for any thread on that board. OP has put rightmove link for her house and asked for feedback on why she is struggling for offers. Some mod the responses are a perfect example of what’s been discussed here. People coming along and saying ‘I don’t know your area but for that price I would expect something like this (100 miles away’. Or saying, ‘for the price, I would expect X,Y,Z’, as though you get the same house for one price all over the country. Other priceless comments include, ‘oh I would expect a property over million pounds to be in London, you are far outside of London’. Honestly, people really believe that there are no million pounds houses outside London. Feel sorry for OP, as she has had more curtain twitcher type comments than helpful ones.

I don't mind useless responses as much as I do those who wade into a long running thread with a generally wordy response based purely on the OP, blithely ignoring any updates from them. Or worse based on the title without reading even the first post.
I mean how arrogant do you have to be to do that ?

Shocking, isn't it? Can you imagine how these same people would react if the GP completely ignored them talking about their arthritis symptoms and then just suggested eating more fruit and veg; or the garage recommending checking the oil and coolant instead of listening when you're trying to tell them about the brake pads grinding?

Interestingly, they usually claim they 'don't have time for that' - if their time is at such a premium and so stretched already, it's not mandatory (or probably very wise) to come on any forum at all in the first place!

I think these are the sort of people that the red-top and gossip magazines' headlines are aimed at, when they scream about some bog star or another "Chris tells Hannah that he's leaving!!!" and it turns out to be a pathetic non-story about how he phones her at the end of his working day to let her know he's on his way home.

I love Amazon reviews and answers to questions other people have posted.

Q “Does this product work?”

A “Well my order only arrived today and is still in the packaging but I think it works”

Lived experience means nothing on MN.

Because some know it all will come along and argue with you that your lived experience is wrong, despite them never having dealt with the same issue.

Key phrase - know it all’s know fuck all.

YANBU op, it's rude, annoying and stupid.

Another bugbear is people projecting so much from their own experiences/ feelings they basically say the op is lying.

Eg "I really want to see my sister on Christmas day but she's 5000 miles away, I live in a homeless shelter with no money and have a fear of flying and she will be working on Xmas day anyway"
Posters: "well you clearly don't want to see her OP"

Etc...

@PullMeInToTheScreenYY - DM is rude and disrespectful and expects me to do all her personal care- Response : if only my beloved DM were alive today, I'd gladly wash her feet.

I remember a thread where the OP was quite clearly experiencing discrimination while she was on Maternity Leave.

The first 20 or so posts were all of the same ilk: "well you decided to have a baby, why should the employer accommodate your maternity leave", "it is possible to go back to work 2 weeks after you've had a baby, you know". None of them had any idea that maternity rights are protected by law, or seemingly that we are not in 1980 any more. I was utterly gobsmacked to witness that attitude on a parenting site - these were women that were commenting, perfectly happy for a woman to continue to be discriminated against because her "poor" employer has to keep her job open for her while she has the gall to have a baby.

Thankfully some people who talked sense came on and the OP ended up getting some actual good advice.

@Returnoftheowl

Haha, I've definitely seem that on The Doghouse board... Someone asks for advice about a certain aspect of the dog, someone else wades in with "I hate dogs, you should get rid of it". What use is that?! I'm not a fan of horses, so I don't frequent the Tack Room board!

It’s similar to when someone starts a thread asking a question specifically aimed at childless/childfreee people, you always get parents wading in. Always.

It's the wild extrapolators who amaze me.... who seem unable to grasp that opinions vary on most subjects and one opinion on something does not define either the person or all similar persons
OP: Should i use plain or self-raising flour in my scones
Extrapolator: If you use anything other than plain flour, you must by a puppy-killing, brexit-voting, woman-hating, thicko who just doesn't really understand recipes. Also stupid.

@TheCheeseBadge I think that's due to mix of people from different countries. As I understand maternity leave in US is essentially non existent. Elsewhere, where I am from, it's years and years for a change.
It's like woth doscrimination in general. US laws are totally different to UK laws but that doesn't stop people claiming wrong stuff for the country