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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get myself a full ADHD assessment for my birthday?

69 replies

Goshitstricky · 12/09/2021 12:24

I am 100% convinced I have ADHD, I always have been and being an adult and a chaotic one at that I've never been less certain.

Im not going to my GP, I live in an area where there is zero support for this, my children with additional needs haven't been able to access support so I certainly won't. The anxiety around asking is enough to put me off.

So speaking to DH I said that I don't think I can go on and keep the cycle of chaos going on in my head without knowing I will one day get support for it.

I'm studying an access course and I can't see me completing it or passing without some sort of help, I'm at the brink of leaving me job because I can't cope with it but also know I can't be unemployed because I'm impulsive and will no doubt create a new drama without something to fill that gap.

So looking online I have found various places that I can get a full assessment and either a yes/no diagnosis at the end, they're all booked up until my birthday next year so I said to DH I'd like to invest in that for my birthday as I genuinely believe it would help me. It would be a lot more than the family would spend on my birthday and we can't afford it without dressing it up as a gift.

So AIBU for doing that?

OP posts:
Wombat96 · 12/09/2021 12:25

I've found having a dx very informative. Made my life easier. I would. 😁

TheAirbender · 12/09/2021 12:26

Oh gosh yes, being diagnosed is incredibly liberating. Go for it.

Hollowtree3 · 12/09/2021 12:26

Do it.

orangejuicer · 12/09/2021 12:29

I was going to say YABU for thinking this needs to be a gift to yourself and not just something you would book anyway, until I saw what you said about money.

Definitely do it OP.

squee123 · 12/09/2021 12:29

I would go for it if the report that they give you would be sufficient evidence to get support on your course and in your job through Access to Work. Can you find out if they would accept this or if it needs to be an NHS report? If it does you might have to speak to your GP once you had the initial report. Would you be able to manage that?

Aimee1987 · 12/09/2021 12:30

I had similiar except with dyslexia. I was about to walk out of my PhD, I was struggling with my self esteem and anxiety but actually getting that diagnosis really helped me and the support at my uni was great.
I would say go for it.

wizzywig · 12/09/2021 12:30

Is the combination of study plus employment tipping you over the edge? I have adhd and when I was in your situation I found things really difficult

Tailendofsummer · 12/09/2021 12:36

OP you could get a fully online adult assessment with ADHD Direct in November (just had a look to see if there were appointments). They are based in Glasgow but you can have the appointments online. I can't recommend them yet really but have booked one of my dc's to go there soon.

Original poster
Goshitstricky · 12/09/2021 12:37

It's the combination of everything I think, work/study/family combined with the fact that I don't sleep for days on end or sleep solidly for 24hr, I don't eat for a day or 2 but then will remember and eat a full 3 course meal in one sitting. I either volunteer for 40hrs at work that I then can't do or only take 4 hrs so then it impacts financially. I feel like I'm constantly chasing balance and failing and it makes me feel, so, so shit as an adult/mother/wife etc.

It was starting college that gave me the push though because I have wanted to do this for years and then the induction terrified me because I have to be able to focus to do the assignments and I can't see how I can at the moment.

I was dragged through my gcses last year by a friend who held me up as I sobbed my way through the lessons Blush

I'm clever but I just can't apply it or I can apply it but to an obsessive level so everything else goes out the window.

I'm so emotionally exhausted from it all that I'm just about done, my brain/thoughts have started to feel utterly manic of that makes sense.

I also have savage misophonia and some sensory issues but I can cope with those ok.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 12/09/2021 12:53

I'm studying an access course and I can't see me completing it or passing without some sort of help

Who is running the course?

Can you ask them if there's a disability officer or any provision for students in the same situation as you? You will not be the only one by any means.
They may have access to arrange assessments in a much quicker timescale, (although you may still have to pay) done by professionals that will be acceptable to the course providers, NHS etc.

Mrsjayy · 12/09/2021 12:57

You should definitely do it if you want to, will your college not assess you as a pp said the disability officer should be able to support you and find out if you can have free assessments. My friends adult son got a diagnosis this way.

Original poster
Goshitstricky · 12/09/2021 12:59

@BlankTimes yes there is a student support for additional needs. I can ask if there is anything they can support me with. I got extra time on my tests for my gcses because I was quite overwhelmed with the idea of revision and exams.

I didn't go to high school for long so I never had any experience of it before then.

I'm glad the consensus isn't that IABU thought, I'm terrified that people will think I'm being dramatic or very self indulgent.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 12/09/2021 13:00

For the misophonia and sensory issues, Google Flare Calmer and see the reviews from neurodiverse people.
I'm not on commission or in any other way associated with them aside from being a customer, my adult autistic DD has found them very helpful.

Teflondreams · 12/09/2021 13:01

Yes it’s so worth it and medication can be life changing. You have to tell DVLA though.

BlankTimes · 12/09/2021 13:05

Fingers crossed the Student support people can advise on assessments.

Where the whole thing of "support" for adults can fall down is that the adult is expected to approach them and ask for whatever they need help with. They don't come to you and monitor your needs in any way.

However, you seem to have a very good grasp of the things you're overwhelmed by, so please go and see them and ask for everything they can help you with.

You've expressed your needs so well on here, I'm sure there's more they can assist you with.

Remember, you CAN do it!! Flowers

CassandraTrotter · 12/09/2021 13:08

The american comedian Laura Clery got a dx as an adult last year of add. She has a video on it on her facebook page but it might be easier to find on youtube. It is a very interesting watch and might be beneficial for you at this stage. She suddenly had answers to so many issues she had faced in life, like why she was more prone to addiction.

But you are most certainly NOT unreasonable for spending this money on you. My niece got new boobs for her birthday one year.

pianolessons1 · 12/09/2021 13:09

Go for it but be aware that as GPs we can usually only safely share care for prescribing with an NHS consultant. So if you are started on treatment privately you will usually have to have all private prescriptions until we can get you seen on the NHS.

Gingernaut · 12/09/2021 13:14

Diagnosis is one thing, but receiving treatment privately is expensive.

Even prescriptions cost £100s a month.

A diagnosis is useful, therapy is better.

Are you sure there are no NHS resources?

FelicityBennett · 12/09/2021 13:32

I don’t blame anyone for seeking a private assessment, locally the service is non existent with patients referred in 2018 not been seen yet.

As previously said though if you were thinking of medication it is worth asking your GP first and also getting a NHS referral ( as it can take years to come through)
A lot of GPs would not be happy to enter a shared care arrangement with a private company and are not obliged to do so despite what some of the companies say.
It is very expensive to pay for medication privately.

Original poster
Goshitstricky · 12/09/2021 13:50

There is nothing at all locally, even for children with severe life effecting neuro diversity, we're in an area very well known for lack of services.

Medication would be tricky I think because I have a mild heart condition and really low BP so I'm not sure I'd even be suitable.

I have to make a list of things to ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goshitstricky · 12/09/2021 13:52

I forgot to post, thank you for all the messages of support and advice and the 'heads up' about shared care. I think it's deffo something I have to go for wether it be through college or privately, my MH suffers and that in turn effects the family. DH is relieved that I'm going to go for it, I'm not the easiest person to live with at times.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 12/09/2021 13:57

Adult services is terrible here my own Dd isn't NT and we had to go private for a few things , even when she was in school it was like pulling teeth trying to find the right support! You do what you have to OP to get where you want to be.

StrangeToSee · 12/09/2021 14:07

There are many diagnoses similar to ADHD with overlapping symptoms, so I’d get a full assessment and be open minded rather than self diagnose.

Waiting lists on the NHS are ridiculously long, but going private for an ADHD diagnosis may backfire, as some NHS trusts don’t take the private diagnosis seriously. Personally I’d get on the NHS waiting list, ask your GP if they can refer you for therapy or medication while you wait.

TheAirbender · 12/09/2021 14:11

@Teflondreams

Yes it’s so worth it and medication can be life changing. You have to tell DVLA though.
I don't think that is true anymore.
Original poster
Goshitstricky · 13/09/2021 08:41

I have just filled in econsult for my GP practice to see if a GP will either refer me on or talk about shared care if I seek predicate assessment. I'm open to all possibilities, I have only 'self diagnosed' because my struggles mirror that of a lot of other women who have had diagnosis and quite frankly if there's nothing wrong with me then I'm just a really shit adult and accepting that will need therapy too because it's awful.

OP posts: