to not to want to say happy diwali to my mil as it is not my religion

[ineedapoo]

?

twiglett that is what we are aiming for and the rest of the year achieve it how do the grandparents feel about your decision

I think you're absolutely right to expose them to both cultures but allow them to choose for themselves either (or something else or none!) when old enough.

Be gracious and wish your MIL a Happy Diwali.

Sounds like she's the one being most unreasonable - not the thing about saying Happy Christmas cos sounds like hte kids are being a bit of a PITA - but insisting for coming at christmas if she doesn't want to even eat with you.

if you are raising your dc to respect both religions yabu

your mil doesnt sound as though she was raised respecting both religions so would be unfair to push her into anything but great that your dc will respect both as thats obviously your dp and your religion

which is right you would respect both but you cant turn someone who hasnt lived this way into your way of thinking

I don't even know what 'diwali' is, but YABU.

My mil is Hindu and whilst she is often difficult to get along with , we always respect each other's cultures and traditions and she celebrates Christmas in a low key way - mainly for her children and now for her grandchildren. I think it is unreasonable of you not to wish her a happy Diwali - mainly because you will look as intolerant as her if you don't but I also don't think I would want her visiting at Christmas if she overtly won't join in as it would spoil it for the children. Although my mil has lived in this country for over 30 years, before I joined the family she hadn't had much social contact with people who weren't Indian and Hindu and it has fallen to me to expain lots of things about 'English' customs and culture { and likewise she has done the same for me with Indian/Hindu culture } - would your mil be open to a similar sharing of knowledge, which might make her more tolerant ?

she is keen to educate me but not for me to educate her

why not just suggest to MIL that she would not enjoy Christmas at your place due to the very essence of the chritian festivities etc

So invite her the day after boxing day?

Just say 'Have a happy day' or 'Have a lovely celebration' if you can't bring yourself t say Happy Diwali FGS, don't fall out with family over semantics of all thinks

Cotedaur: here

ineedapoo tehre's a lovely quote on that link from The Times India about what Diwali really means- something that really is across the board and very lovely

Is your dh supportive and willing to speak to your mil about trying to be a bit more tolerant ? It is easier I think to hear it from your ds rather than your dil. I do understand that it is a difficult situation and that the relationship Indian parents expect to have with their children can be quite intense - my dh and I have had many difficulties with it and he still, after 15 years of marriage, finds it very hard to speak to his mother even though he is the first to say how unreasonable she can be.

I was going to say YABU but reading your supplementary comments I now think YANBU

I don't think this is about religion or cultures at all really. You're allowing you're children to wind her up, and she is retaliating.

If you really want to bring your children up to have a healthy respect for both cultures then why on earth are you allowing them to taunt her!

I think sometimes in a mixed relationship you have to accept that things might not always be particularly fair or smooth running, especially when it comes to special occasions, and you just have to make the best of it! Coming from two so different cultures there are bound to be clashes but being petty isn't going to help anyone. For whatever reason she finds it hard to say it, and I think you should accept that, use it as a chance to illustrate the differences in religion to your kids and try to teach them to respect that!

your children

please change your name , please, ineedapoo is making me shudder

anyhoo, totally agree with MP and twig, especially that there are deeper ishoos here with your MIL

Never let another person's actions guide yours. It doesn't matter what she does. You should do what you consider to be right - in this case, wish her a Happy Diwali. If she chooses not to be as gracious, that is her problem not yours.

Tit for tat behaviour does not solve things. You've been acting correctly so far - just continue to do so.

do a diwali celebration and invite her for that

grandparents both live far away and don't seem to mind .. at least don't express to us that they mind which is all very well ..

Wish her a Happy Diwali.

Don't have her for Christmas.

You don't sound unreasonable to me, but don't get caught up in the vicious circle of refusing to acknowledge her beliefs even though she is intolerant enough to ignore yours. It's her loss, and I don't see why you should allow her to ruin your Christmas. Your children will be understandably excited and they shouldn't have to tone it down for the disapproving grumpy granny in the corner.

And I disagree with those saying that your children are 'taunting' her - what a crock. She's an adult, isn't she? She should act like one whatever her religion.