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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Borrowing child’s savings...

470 replies

Quckname · 12/09/2021 12:02

Do you think the following is acceptable?

Parent has some expensive debt on credit cards. The interest free period is expiring and the parent is not able to get a loan or balance transfer to a lower rate.

Child has an instant access savings account with some money in.

Is it ok for the parent to borrow funds from the child to repay the expensive debt, as long as they ensure that the savings are repaid (with interest) before the child would have used the account?

So as not to drip feed:

money in the savings account was paid in by the same parent (not friends & family)
money would be repaid along with the compound interest that it would have accrued in savings
repaying to the child’s savings would take approx 3 - 4 years, compared to it taking 20 years plus to repay on the credit cards with high interest
child is still young so not due to receive the savings for a long time
the child has not been asked for their opinion because they are too young (and too generous) to make an informed decision
parent has explored and exhausted all other options to reduce the cost of borrowing
if paid off, the credit accounts will be shut down so that it is not possible to accrue large debt again

What do you think?

YABU - borrowing the money is the same as stealing, the parent shouldn’t touch the child’s savings and should repay their debt over the longer period of time at the high interest rate.

YANBU - the money will be repaid to the child’s savings, and the child will benefit from having a parent that is not stuck in long term expensive debt

OP posts:

Luckymum82 · 13/09/2021 19:33

I would say do whatever is best for your family circumstances. If you’ve paid in the money it’s your money. And if you have accrued debt then you probably didn’t have enough to actually save in the first place. Having a parent stressed out for the next 10-20yrs about money is just as damaging as a little less savings.

Blackcat333 · 13/09/2021 19:37

Interest rates are really low on savings, so it doesn't make sense to leave it sitting there when you are in debt. You paid the money into an account and it appears that you actually couldn't afford to do that, as you have used credit cards. I think you know what to do. It isn't stealing as its your money, just as its your bills to pay.
You are under no obligation to save for your children.

ERFFER · 13/09/2021 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CockSpadget · 13/09/2021 19:51

@riceuten

Do you know what I think? This money will never be repaid to the child. I think the OP has every intention of doing this, but something will come up that requires the money, again. And again.

I’m serious dubious about someone unable to get a loan for some or all of the debt and having to raid money that by all rights is not their’s.

Do you know what I think? I think you should get your head out of your arse and read the OPs posts properly before being a judgy mofo. The OP hasn't said they can't get credit, they've said they are now going from 0% deals to having to pay interest. They paid the money into the savings in the first place, so why on earth wouldn't they pay it back in again. Ffs

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/09/2021 19:54

Do you know what I think? I think you should get your head out of your arse and read the OPs posts properly before being a judgy mofo.
This is just ridiculously rude!
So many people on this thread taking other people's opinions as a personal affront.
Hideous. Keep your own issues out of it, why don't you?

CockSpadget · 13/09/2021 20:01

@GreyhoundG1rl

Do you know what I think? I think you should get your head out of your arse and read the OPs posts properly before being a judgy mofo. This is just ridiculously rude! So many people on this thread taking other people's opinions as a personal affront. Hideous. Keep your own issues out of it, why don't you?

Rude is answering the OP and giving their very judgemental (and factually incorrect) opinion, without reading their posts properly.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/09/2021 20:08

Well, let's all just say that all will be well and they'll all live happily ever after, then.
I hope this does happen, but nothing we say here will actually make it happen. Screaming abuse at anyone being slightly dubious is not going to tip the balance either way 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bollindger · 13/09/2021 20:13

So what if the money never gets put back, this money BELONGS to OP.
She can do what she wants with it.
Until the child gets to 18 this account is a parent putting money by on one side.
Stop trying to guilt the OP for trying to organise her life the best way she can.

purplecarrot23 · 13/09/2021 20:19

YANBU

use the money in the savings account to repay your debt. Sounds sensible to me!!

This is why I haven't opened a savings account for my kids. I have healthy savings in my own account and when they are old enough I will give them a lump sum. BUT, I might need it for myself before then. Reduae to get into debt or financially struggle whilst my kids have savings.

confusedlots · 13/09/2021 20:26

Yes of course I would do that in your situation. I save money for my children each month in accounts in their names but which I have full access to. One of the reasons I didn't choose accounts which only they could access when they're older was for the same reason, if there was an emergency or some reason I really needed to access money then I should be able to, as it's my money. Obviously I'd prefer if I didn't have to, but I would definitely access the money if I really needed to.

maybloss2 · 13/09/2021 20:38

Hi op, if the Child’s money was saved by you for them, then I think it’s fair to use it. If other people have put into it then don’t use that amount.
I would be very concerned about being able to pay it back, but actually no child is automatically entitled to parents money, so that’s a moot point.
Do you need some input into your spending habits? It sounds like that’s problematic….

Mollymoostoo · 13/09/2021 20:41

This depends.
Is the parent you or the child's other parent whom you are estranged from or do not trust?

I will be using my child's savings which I have accrued to go towards a house deposit as she is only 8 and I will have saved far more for her by the time she is 18.
However if my child's father asked for this to pay off his debt, the answer would be no as I wouldn't trust to get the moment back. As I said, it's hard to give an opinion without knowing all the facts.

Jaxhog · 13/09/2021 20:41

YANBU - if they actually repay it. But my guess is that they won't, so YABU.

pompomsgalore · 13/09/2021 20:52

Honestly of course it's ok. Use the money as the child will benefit from not having a parent in debt and accruing more debt with the interest.

I honestly see no issue here.

Mamaof2males · 13/09/2021 20:56

Would love to know how several of these MN’ers are so perfect. Do what you have to do, you will repay the child and cut the card up as you said so 100% do it x

pompomsgalore · 13/09/2021 20:56

@Mollymoostoo

This depends. Is the parent you or the child's other parent whom you are estranged from or do not trust?

Yes this too. If it's you do it. If it's dad then don't.

appleturnovers · 13/09/2021 20:59

At the end of the day, the child will suffer too if the parent is paying off expensive interest on a credit card, as the parents will have less money to spend on them, whether that means cutting back on treats or necessities, or simply having a much more stressed out parent, so yes, take the money and pay off the debt.

IMO those who say it's stealing are being a bit ridiculous. If you put the money aside in the first place, and the child doesn't even know it's there and can't use it, it's not stealing to borrow a bit back temporarily.

Rainy1252 · 13/09/2021 21:20

@Bollindger

So what if the money never gets put back, this money BELONGS to OP. She can do what she wants with it. Until the child gets to 18 this account is a parent putting money by on one side. Stop trying to guilt the OP for trying to organise her life the best way she can.

THIS!!!

OP had the best intentions but actually couldn’t afford to save as much as she did over the years and is in a position she can withdraw some back. if she can’t ever repay it all then so be it. Many thousands of families are unable to save for their children’s future, it’s a luxury and a privilege to be able to do so.

The absolute most important thing for the child is their parent(s) are financially secure - debts cleared, bills paid, emergency fund saved etc. She has to prioritise this.

Suggestions to only do it if you can pay it all back, or take out more credit with high interest to keep the kids savings earning nearly zero interest are bloody ridiculous. People trying to take some moral high ground but lacking any financial sense whatsoever.

appleturnovers · 13/09/2021 21:47

@Rainy1252

Very well said.

Darbs76 · 13/09/2021 22:01

It’s not something that I’d do personally, I have had money troubles in the past but that never entered my head.

Ann30567 · 13/09/2021 22:38

My mum ‘borrowed’ my money from my after school jobs and paper round from when I was 14. She even started a book with how much she was borrowing. I never got any of it back. And she was still asking for money in my 30’s until I finally cut her off completely. It left me resentful but I suppose the good thing that came from seeing how feckless my parents were was that I never borrow money (apart from my mortgage) and I save when I can. I’m just dreading them going into a home and expecting me to pay again. So no. Parents should never borrow off a child as they will get used to it.

VestaTilley · 13/09/2021 22:59

It’s really not ideal, and I’d be worried it’d never be paid back, but if you’re getting desperate and will pay back every penny, then I’m not sure what else you can do...

Roxy69 · 13/09/2021 23:25

It does seem like theft and there may be issues paying it back if unexpected things happen. I suppose if a lesson has been learned and you absolutely, without fail pay it back it could be ok. A household run on debt will make everyone unhappy.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/09/2021 23:40

If it's that or an increasingly poor quality of life for your daughter due to being too stretched financially I would do it. Yes I would feel rubbish about it but I would rather do it then plunge her into a less good quality of life due to the financial strain, if you know you will pay it back when possible.

Pinkfluff76 · 13/09/2021 23:55

Definitely use the savings Op. it would be very silly to pay interest unnecessarily. Good luck

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