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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Borrowing child’s savings...

470 replies

Quckname · 12/09/2021 12:02

Do you think the following is acceptable?

Parent has some expensive debt on credit cards. The interest free period is expiring and the parent is not able to get a loan or balance transfer to a lower rate.

Child has an instant access savings account with some money in.

Is it ok for the parent to borrow funds from the child to repay the expensive debt, as long as they ensure that the savings are repaid (with interest) before the child would have used the account?

So as not to drip feed:

  • money in the savings account was paid in by the same parent (not friends & family)
  • money would be repaid along with the compound interest that it would have accrued in savings
  • repaying to the child’s savings would take approx 3 - 4 years, compared to it taking 20 years plus to repay on the credit cards with high interest
  • child is still young so not due to receive the savings for a long time
  • the child has not been asked for their opinion because they are too young (and too generous) to make an informed decision
  • parent has explored and exhausted all other options to reduce the cost of borrowing
  • if paid off, the credit accounts will be shut down so that it is not possible to accrue large debt again

What do you think?

YABU - borrowing the money is the same as stealing, the parent shouldn’t touch the child’s savings and should repay their debt over the longer period of time at the high interest rate.

YANBU - the money will be repaid to the child’s savings, and the child will benefit from having a parent that is not stuck in long term expensive debt

OP posts:
DonaPatrizia · 13/09/2021 17:39

I don’t think it’s a good idea. You probably won’t pay your child back, you will probably pay off the card and then run up another debt on it.
Taking money off your child in this way will erode your self respect and you’re uncomfortable about it or you wouldn’t be asking, you know irs not right so stop kidding yourself.
If you do it, then it is a sticking plaster that won’t help your situation in the long run. You need to get a grip on your finances - not least because it’s important for parents to teach their kids good money management skills. Debt is awful and crushing but this isn’t a solution. You need to try to tackle the problems that got you in this position if at all possible. Otherwise you’ll just drain your kid’s savings and still be in a hole.

Diva66 · 13/09/2021 17:45

No, it’s not OK, but I think you already know that and are going to do it anyway. Why else ask a bunch of strangers for validation?

elmo1990 · 13/09/2021 17:53

I think it depends, if you have put in place measures to avoid getting into such a situation (perhaps look into a debt management charity if you haven't already) it's OK as an absolute one off. However as a general rule you need to avoid taking money from kids savings. And I say this having had to dip into my kids money in order to pay the rent.

Mummadeze · 13/09/2021 17:59

You sound like you are really on top of your finances now and it sounds like you are sure you will pay the money back. Although you didn’t really need to save a nest egg for them in the first place. It was a nice thing to do but it is your prerogative to change your plans re this. Loads of children don’t have this kind of gift from their parents. Don’t feel bad. You are thinking sensibly and not wasting money on interest.

LadyLolaRuben · 13/09/2021 18:00

YANBU. You're a family and should help each other out.

cherish123 · 13/09/2021 18:04

Much better to pay off the debt. You put the money there in the first place.

sabbii · 13/09/2021 18:05

pay off all your debts and then plough every spare penny into savings and for all your futures, simples

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 13/09/2021 18:05

No brainer OP you've got to do it.
Quality of life now trumps a lump sum inn15 years but sounds like the money will be back by then anyway!

satci · 13/09/2021 18:07

@ManifestDestinee

YANBU. You put the money in, it's your money.

Anyone saying its stealing and you shouldn't is daft AF. Should you be stuck in debt for years, taking money that could benefit your child, just so randoms online don't call you a theif? Fuck that.
The right thing to do for your kid is sort your finances out. Borrow the money, put it back later.

Agree with this 100%
Tessabelle74 · 13/09/2021 18:16

We have had to do this when our car went bang and we had no other option. Our daughter will be repaid with interest before she's old enough to access the account

Pixxie7 · 13/09/2021 18:21

Given the low interest rates for savings and high for borrowers I don’t see a problem with it .

satci · 13/09/2021 18:31

I quite often take clothes and toys I've bought for my children to charity without their consent. Is this stealing too?

Boomer84 · 13/09/2021 18:34

I don’t understand why people are saying you ABU?? I do exactly this, sometimes every month! Some parents don’t even bother setting up a child savings account. We have and if it makes you a bit short occasionally then do not feel guilty about using some. Times are hard and I’m sure if your child isn’t spoiled or entitled then I’m sure they’ll understand when they’re older.

NippySweetie16 · 13/09/2021 18:35

Been there, done that. Sometimes the needs of the family over-ride those of an individual family member. If the family is suffering for years while a huge debt is serviced, that's not a win. Those who are throwing insults at you need to get a grip, and a taste of reality in their lives.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/09/2021 18:39

@Diva66

No, it’s not OK, but I think you already know that and are going to do it anyway. Why else ask a bunch of strangers for validation?
exactly.
Tootiredtocryagain · 13/09/2021 18:42

Following a pp's story about mum borrowing wages for veg, when I was a teen my Dad used to borrow my wage to go to the pub. I never minded him asking, it was him not paying it back which broke our relationship. OP, I think if you pay it back (even if you have to make some big economies for a while) it's OK. Not ideal, but OK. Debt is shit, and everyone needs a second chance.

JustDoingMe · 13/09/2021 18:44

YANBU
Do what you need to do, borrow the money, pay the debt and cut up the cards.

StargazerAli · 13/09/2021 18:48

Of course it's okay if it's causing a parent is under enormous pressure, but make sure it goes back in.

Georgiah82 · 13/09/2021 18:53

I entrusted my mother with some money in my early 20s so I didn't spend it. I wanted it to pay for my MSc. I subsequently found out just a week before the last of my University Fees were due, she had spent it a while back. It was an 'open' secret in the family. I was fuming, gutted, appalled, and very disappointed in her. She had spent my money I had entrusted her to look after and I've never trusted her with money since. In fact, it put a real dent into our relationship. I was 1/2 way through my MSc and felt sick and was so worried about how I was going to pay the other 1/2 of my fees! Luckily, my Grandfather stepped up and lent her the money she had stolen from me to pay her debts. I understand why she did it, and that she honestly thought she would pay it back in time, but she didn't and it really damaged us. What hurt the most is that I would have given it to her had she only asked and found another way to come up with the last of my fees, but I think she was too ashamed to, as I had already paid off a lot of debt for her previously.

However, if it was money that she had put away for me as a child that I had never personally seen or earned myself, I wouldn't be bothered, as this money would have been a gift from her, to me, which is a privilege not a birth right and if her spending this money to ensure we had a decent up bringing and a happy mum (because lets face it, stressed out parents at the best of times are not great for the family dynamics and up bringing of children) then I would rather this than a miserable, stressed out mother who could possibly face having her child(ren) taken away by social services because she couldn't afford to feed, clothe, and house me properly due to debt.

littlebilliie · 13/09/2021 19:01

Pay off the debt, set up a junior invest Isa and pay in monthly. You can't touch that again and it accumulate

RazorSharp · 13/09/2021 19:16

@CockSpadget

OP ignore these perfect pissing peter's, who are saying you're stealing, calling you a liar etc. To pay thousands of pounds unnecessarily would be madness. You tried to do a good thing by saving for you're child, that's something a lot of parents either can't do, or choose not to do. It benefits your child far more now to pay off the debts, than to not do it, and that is the main thing, what is in the best interest of your child.
This
sHREDDIES19 · 13/09/2021 19:21

I think it’s ok as I did it! Not for credit card debt though; it was to use toward a deposit we needed. We haven’t paid the children the money back yet but will do. Nearly there. Plus if you think about it, our children will inherit all we own anyway. So very lucky compared to when I was a child.

tommyhoundmum · 13/09/2021 19:24

Not OK.

riceuten · 13/09/2021 19:27

Do you know what I think? This money will never be repaid to the child. I think the OP has every intention of doing this, but something will come up that requires the money, again. And again.

I’m serious dubious about someone unable to get a loan for some or all of the debt and having to raid money that by all rights is not their’s.

Tigger1895 · 13/09/2021 19:33

I’d be afraid I’d get myself into the same situation again and never be able to pay it back or double dip if I did.
It’s not ideal as it is not your money, but if you can guarantee it’ll be paid back and it’ll save you long term I suppose needs must take priority.

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