Seriously thinking my little cat would be happier if I rehomed her

[Coffeetree]

I have an indoor-only cat whom I adopted about two years ago. Her previous owners had to rehome her because their baby had an allergy. When I adopted her I had her checked out by a vet and they found she has a heart murmur. She has absolutely no interest in going outside.

She was a shy little thing when first here. Then during lockdown I worked from home for over a year. She really came out of her shell. Affectionate and playful.

I'm back in the office, out of the house for 12 hours a day most days. And she's a wreck. Meowing her head off when I leave, and weeing on everything.

She has toys and windows galore. She was fine with being alone before lockdown but for some reason now it's clearly distressing her.

The wee is becoming a huge problem, taking a lot of my time and money in cleaning mattresses, duvets, cushions, carpets. I refuse to lock her in the bathroom or kitchen all day. I've tried every trick in the book. Orange peel, feeliway, everything.

There's def no medical problem, it's anxious weeing.

Help?

Thanks. She wees on whatever smells of me. She sometimes wees on me while I'm sleeping. So she's definitely trying to make a point.

Cats aren't capable of that kind of thinking. She's stressed and anxious and it's showing in her behaviour. Cats (and dogs) stress wee. It's unpleasant but it's certainly not done out of spite or to prove a point to you in some way.

You need to address the source of the stress or her behaviour won't change.

And yes, as PP said, is she neutered? If not, she needs doing ASAP.

Is cat day care an option?

Have you tried Feliway plug in? Did wonders for our old cat who was peeing on stuff

@Coffeetree

I've thought of getting another kitten! But in my experience adult female cats do not appreciate another cat in the home. Plus my home is only suitable for an indoor-only cat. Hence my adopting her. I'm not sure it would be fair to get a healthy new cat and then confine them indoors.

I second another cat.

We have an adult female who was stress grooming. She had pulled almost all the fur on her tummy and back legs out. We tried everything, feliway, toys, medication.

Eventually I got a little female kitten. Ivy pretty's much stopped over grooming immediately. She just groomed her new kitten friend instead! They are really the best of friends now, they are constantly playing together.

Bizarrely a newly neutered stud is a good option. Many pedigree cat club welfare's have studs that need to be retired and a new home found.

Because they have been stud they treat girl cats as the boss.

My girl just looks at him and he goes submissive, yes boss, of course you can eat all my food boss. When studs are with Queens they have to mind their manners else they won't get to do the deed!!

Sorry I also meant to say that a lot of rescues will have cats for adoption that need to be indoor only. Maybe worth investigating!

Re-home her if you can find someone who doesn't go out much. It isn't fair on an indoor cat to be alone for 12 hours a day. Sometimes you can contact a cat charity and they will advertise her for you. I'm in local FB groups for lost pets and they often advertise on behalf of people.

You could try another cat, but not all cats like to live with other cats. If both are stressed, you'll have both of them weeing on everything.

She sometimes wees on me while I'm sleeping

I do think it’s important to look into this though because it’s obviously not just long periods of separation that’s causing it. Have you looked into a behaviouralist? They might be able to offer advice.

I only work away from home one day a week and that causes my cat massive distress. But equally before we spoke to the vet if we nipped out for twenty minutes she’d have peed somewhere too. I imagine the big change to going out 5 days a week 12 hours a day has triggered this anxiety.

Is there any medication for nervous cats?

@Coffeetree

I've thought of getting another kitten! But in my experience adult female cats do not appreciate another cat in the home. Plus my home is only suitable for an indoor-only cat. Hence my adopting her. I'm not sure it would be fair to get a healthy new cat and then confine them indoors.

My home is only suitable for indoor cats, which is why we got ragdolls. They are strictly indoor cats only and aren't allowed outside. Is that an option?

Thanks for the suggestions. I certainly know that can't don't wee to be "naughty" but I know that a cat weeing on their family member is outside the range of normal activities so obviously means she's not okay.

I do keep her out of the bedroom when I'm out, and so her space is limited to lounge, kitchen and bedroom. I don't want to confine her any more than that.

I do let her in the bedroom to sleep with me because she literally claws on the door all night if I don't.

I just ordered some medication online which has l-tryptophan. I just don't know how much more money I can throw at the problem. And it's more than the wee, it's the fact that she's unhappy but I can't change my work.

When you say there’s definitely no medical conditions, have you taken her to the vets to confirm this because it’s not clear? Because even if it didn’t start as a medical condition, stress can cause cystitis in cats and it can be painful. The vet can advised on prescription food that may help.

Is she showing any other behaviour issues, such as being destructive or excessive meowing?

For separation anxiety, a couple of things you could try is leaving the radio on whilst you are out, feliway diffusers in all the rooms she’s accesses and creating some safe spaces for her (new little nooks she can retreat to).

But I cannot stress enough that if she’s not yet visited the vet that needs to be your first place to start.

@Coffeetree

Thanks for the suggestions. I certainly know that can't don't wee to be "naughty" but I know that a cat weeing on their family member is outside the range of normal activities so obviously means she's not okay.

I do keep her out of the bedroom when I'm out, and so her space is limited to lounge, kitchen and bedroom. I don't want to confine her any more than that.

I do let her in the bedroom to sleep with me because she literally claws on the door all night if I don't.

I would try her in one of the rooms for a week to see if having her own space helps. Our vet said it could cause less stress and it really has worked. Our long term goal is to not have her confined at all but for her to recognise her dedicated room as ‘safe space’ she can retreat to if she’s anxious when we’re out. This is what the RSPCA suggested when my Mum adopted a kitten from a feral litter who was WILD. She calmed down eventually and had free roam of the house. I forgot to mention we also have a white noise machine which we leave playing with our cat when we go out.

I would also have dedicated play sessions with her before you go to work eg 20 minutes every day fully dedicated to just paying with her before and after you get back. I don’t think it will be helping her anxiety if you’re just running out of the door. I’d continue with the feliway too. How far away from home do you work? Is coming home in your lunch hour feasible for a bit (you could slowly reduce this over time) to break up the amount of time she’s left alone? Or is there anyone else such as a neighbour who could pop in half way through the day?

Another cat is something that could be helpful but only if it’s something your cat will tolerate or else it will just make the problem worse. My Mum went away for a week and I offered to look after her cat and it was the worst thing ever for our cat. She peed everywhere and tried to fight the cat every time they crossed paths.

Yes she was in the spare bedroom as her safe space when she first got here. I could implement that system again but she does love mooching about and looking out all the various windows.

@FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo I've answered all those questions above.

Realistically, who do you think is going to offer a home to a cat that wees everywhere?

How is going to a shelter going to help a distressed and anxious animal?

I imagine you just want her not to be your problem anymore. I think you make a commitment to a pet when you take them on. If you do rehome, don't kid yourself that she will be going on to another lovely home, as that seems very unlikely.

I wouldn’t rehome, at least not yet. I know you’re thinking she’s unhappy and deserves an owner who is around all day, but she’s attached to you. That would be a terrible ordeal for the little mite.
I would just give it a while and see if she settles down. It’s a massive change for her for you to be going back out to work.
Could you get a pet sitter to pop in halfway through the day to play with her?
Incidentally, does she wee on the soft furnishings when you’re there, or just when you’re out?
My boy cat has chosen one particular spot in our hall to wee in, despite there being a litter tray about two metres away, and does it quite blatantly in front of me. 🤷‍♂️ Luckily we have laminate flooring so it’s easily wiped up.
You might get more advice if you ask for this to be moved to the Litter Tray.

Poor you and poor cat. I think you might not be able to fix the situation, perhaps what you have to offer simply does not suit this particular cat and it’d be best to rehome. If she needs someone at home she needs someone at home. You have done everything with the best of intentions.

I don’t have a solution but I wanted to say getting a second cat might not help. I rescued my cats as a pair from the same house and they don’t really get on any more, at best they’re indifferent to each other and I think they’d both like to be the only cat.

@RandomMess

Bizarrely a newly neutered stud is a good option. Many pedigree cat club welfare's have studs that need to be retired and a new home found.

Because they have been stud they treat girl cats as the boss.

My girl just looks at him and he goes submissive, yes boss, of course you can eat all my food boss. When studs are with Queens they have to mind their manners else they won't get to do the deed!!

I didn't know that, wow.

Is she neutered, OP?

@Coffeetree I’m sorry if I’m missing this answer somewhere but I still can’t see if you have or haven’t taken her to the vets. It might just be me missing it somewhere though.

I would be very selective about getting her the right home in terms of company and space.
Or, if you don’t want to do that, get another one.
The only problem with that is, you would have to keep it as an inside cat as well, which would be unfair on it.

Another cat may be a disaster and make the stress behaviour worse. It’s a huge risk- what will you do if it doesn’t improve the situation?

I would ask your vet if it’s worth trying anti anxiety or anti depressant medication. I had a stress wee’er- the mere sight of another cat would set him off- years of trying sprays and the usual, even moved house more rurally so fewer local cats. Last resort was anti anxiety meds. After two weeks the weeing behaviour was all but gone.