Would you say this family member was a predator, or just a bit creepy?

[Stormwhale]

I dont want to go into the reasons of why I am asking this too much as it would disclose too much of someone else's story, but I wondered if you could help me get some understanding of my own experience with a family member growing up.

A male family member of mine made me feel uncomfortable growing up. He was always the fun one, being goofy, lots of tickling, wrestling, winding the kids up, very hands on. As I reached my teens though, things changed a bit and it was more smacking my bum, commenting on my appearance, telling me I was gorgeous, general comments on my changing body. I'm particular he would make comments about my thighs, as I would go on the back of his motor bike and he would squeeze my thighs and say how it felt so good to have my thighs squeezed around him. I would have been about 13 or 14.

I cant help but wonder if this was how he treated me in reasonably public situations, what was happening behind closed doors? He has two daughters, similar aged to me. Both are not well mentally now as adults.

The thing is though, my whole family, including my parents think he is great, noone has ever commented on his behaviour, and I think there would be an uproar if I ever brought it up.

What would you think about it? Aibu to be concerned that actually he might have done more to others?

Definitely a sleaze

Sadly most people think people like are fun.

Both - a creepy predator! I think they are the same thing

Definitely a predator.

@rejectedcarrit

I think if you can face it you should be more open about your perception of his behaviour when you were younger. As far as everyone else is concerned he's the fun uncle. Just a few comments from you to your close family that on reflection he was creepy and inappropriate when you were young and you wouldn't have him near your kids might help someone - maybe making them think twice about supervising some kids for example.

I think this could be a good approach, planting a firm seed.

Also speaking to your mum too.

Definitely checking in with your cousin.

It would be great for her to have support.

Rightly of wrongly the key to his inappropriate behaviour could be to do with his age now...
How old is he and how many years ago did the motorbike thing take place...?

I don't agree that his age now is key? How?

Regardless of whether he's a pensioner now in ill health, or whether this happened decades ago when paedophilia was less recognised, it happened. His age now is irrelevant.

Op is right to acknowledge it to herself, realise that it wasn't normal, it was predatory behaviour and share it with her cousin if she wishes to.
It appears that the rest of the family have turned a blind eye or not noticed how he was around children, so Op could offer so much needed support and validation to her cousin.