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to expect my MIL to say happy christmas to my dc

27 replies

ineedapoo · 04/12/2007 12:33

she isn't english and is a hindu but to just ignore a 3 and 5 year when they say happy christmas to her is just so annoying

OP posts:

MamaG · 04/12/2007 12:33

you have to teach them to respect her beliefs then, surely


ineedapoo · 04/12/2007 12:35

we celebrate diwali we teach them both languages we do expect them to respect all cultures why can't she respect other cultures

OP posts:

JodieG1 · 04/12/2007 12:36

YANBU imo.


MamaG · 04/12/2007 12:37

Its obviously important to her, otherwise she'd just say it.

I don't think its the end of the world tbh


ProfessorGrammaticus · 04/12/2007 12:38

it's still early - there's plenty of time!


ruddynorah · 04/12/2007 12:39

it isn't christmas yet.


nametaken · 04/12/2007 12:40

We usually say this on xmas morning! Do people really say "happy christmas" before xmas?


ineedapoo · 04/12/2007 12:41

this happened last year and went on for a month I just think she is being so intolerant and racist

OP posts:

NAB3littlemonkeys · 04/12/2007 12:42

I think there are bigger things to worry about. Praise for being faithful to her religion and the children can still say Merry Christmas to her. Are they bothered by her silence?


ruddynorah · 04/12/2007 12:43

your kids wished her merry christmas for a month? how annoying. now wonder she won't entertain a response.

othing to do with racism. plenty of people from all different races celebrate christmas.


ineedapoo · 04/12/2007 12:43

Yes they are bothered they get told of for ignoring people who say hello etc to them yes there are bigger things to worry about but this just annoys me beyond believe

OP posts:

mumblechum · 04/12/2007 12:44

Anothr vote for your dcs wishing her happy christmas on the morning, not before!


ineedapoo · 04/12/2007 12:45

ruudy it became a game I think as the older one though it was funny that an adult was ignoring her

OP posts:

pukkapatch · 04/12/2007 12:49

mine doesnt even say hello.

tbh, i think it would simplify your lives if your dc learnt that no everyone wants to amaglamate into the society of the country they live in. and that to their mil, celebrating a festival of another religion is blasphemy.
why cant she respect other cultures? that is not the question you asked in your title. yes, she should respect other cultures, andshe probly does. but that doesnt mean she wants her darling grandchildren commiting blasphemy. because it's very possible that is how she feels, andby keeping quiet and ignoring it,s he is actually respecting your decision to allow her grandchildren to celebrate the customs of the country they are living in.
convoluted thinking i know, but its the way that many people think. when my mil doesnt say hello to dc, she is actually not being rude, becuase in her culture, the young say hello to the elders. adn the elders accept it. i used to get really stressed about this, until i realsied that she was trying tobe accepting in her own way, even though i thought she was being rude.


ineedapoo · 04/12/2007 12:52

I see pukkapatch. I just feel she makes my dc say a religous greeting to all her family at the set time and me. I think I might refuse next time as I feel very uncomfortable doing it but do it out of respect for her but don't get that respect back

OP posts:

mumblechum · 04/12/2007 12:52

where's your mum in law from, Pukka, and how long has she lived in the Uk?

(my mil is Nigerian and has some odd ideas too, but is always v. effusive at greeting ds)


ruddynorah · 04/12/2007 12:52

so they say happy christmas to her to wind her up? so she's doing the right thing in ignoring them. it's you its winding up so ask them to stop.


goingfor3christmaspuddings · 04/12/2007 13:28

Your children only need to say it to her once the closest time they see her near christmas. She should show respect and say it back or at least acknowledge what they have said. Winding her up but saying it over and over is really annoying. If my children did it to me for a month I would ignore them too!


morningpaper · 04/12/2007 13:32

Why on earth are you letting your children pester her?


EmsMum · 04/12/2007 13:37

Um. I don't think anyone should say anything they don't believe but if someone wishes you a Happy its polite to say thank you or
thanks, same to you.

The first time they say it anyhow. If the kids are just winding her up then its no respect to either culture.


pukkapatch · 04/12/2007 15:04

my mil is from bangladesh, and has lived here since 1970. well off and on, she mangaed to spend most of the 80's in bangladesh. but her kidsare all here, so no point in her being there she thinks.


ColdPenguin · 04/12/2007 15:57


I would tell her that in this country we ALL have respect for each other regardless of age, race, gender, etc..., and that this includes not ignoring someone when they have spoken politely to you.

What faith you chose to believe in is one's personal choice to make when old enough. Basic manners is not something you chose to believe in. It is hardly ideal for such young children to be taught that it is okay to be so rude to someone just because they're saying something you personally don't like.

If I was in Bangladesh and somebody said 'Happy Diwali' to me, would it be okay for me to ignore and turn my back rudely?


bubblagirl · 04/12/2007 16:06

you say she makes your dc say greeting at set time to her family

it is not christmas yet

i know everyone says she must respect religion over here living here and all but we are allm individuals with our own beliefs and i feel that that should be allowed

but mannors wouldnt go a miss but if said continuously i'm sure id get selective hearing also

tell your dc to respect her religion and to tell her on christmas morning its only fair but i dont think yabu as i wouldnt want someone ignoring my dc a comprimise has to come in


LadyMcArgue · 04/12/2007 16:41

My MIL dropped dead just over a week ago.

My DS now has no Nanny to say 'merry xmas'



mm22bys · 04/12/2007 16:50

Agree, it's not Christmas yet. Maybe saying Happy Christmas back to her DGC does feel like blasphemy to her. I certainly don't wish American friends Happy Thanksgiving, or Jews Happy Hanukah, or Muslims (?) Happy Diwali, because it feels fake on my part. I do wish people Happy Christmas though (but not on December 4!)


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