Horrible man in pub

[NotTodayPleaze]

Aibu to think some men get a kick out of talking down to women who have had a drink or two?

Was our the other day with some friends. Mildly drunk (prob 3-4 large glasses rose). Group of men started chatting to us and one of them seemed to be at great pains to get into an argument with me. Goading, taking every innocent thing I said the wrong way (example- I said I didn’t normally come here, his reply “oh not good enough for you”, I didn’t understand something he said, and he mimicked me in a faux posh voice “oh excuse me commoner, but I don’t understand your accent, I’m far too posh”). For what it’s worth, I’m not at all.

I got really flustered. I’m pretty awkward at the best of times! There was something really cruel about it. Like he enjoyed the power trip, knowing my guard was down due to having some wine. Or that he somehow thought I wasn’t worthy of respect because i was tipsy and wanted me to be ashamed/embarrassed of myself or something.

It has made me feel really horrible and shaken for a few days now. I know that might seem a bit dramatic. It’s not the first encounter of this kind I have had with men. Can anyone tell me, is it a thing?

Yes, something similar happened to me once and it was an extremely unnerving experience. Horrible man. Years later, I found out what negging was, and then it all fell into place and I realised what he'd been doing. Now I know about it, I'd be able to handle the situation better.

Never try to defend, or justify or explain, if there ever was a time and a place for the phrase 'water off a duck's back', this is it.

Are you a bit of a ‘people pleaser’ OP?
Do you feel under pressure to be nice and polite?

Honestly, next time something similar happens try to remember you are perfectly permitted to either turn around and ignore him or tell him to F off. You’re under no obligation to listen to his shite patter and remain polite.

Just sounds like a dickhead best off ignored.
Not worth the headspace.

Sounds like he made a bit of a tit of himself

Some men are horrible drunks and are just vying for a fight!!! I’m sorry this upset you, don’t overthink it and don’t go to that pub again.

He could just put a neon sign on his head saying “socially insecure, chippy little fucker who can’t communicate properly” and save himself having to show you over the course of an evening what he is. Don’t stop being your friendly self but next time you meet a jerk just look him or her up and down and turn away and blank them. You don’t owe these sort of people anything. Having said blank them I personally like to go for the jugular and publicly embarrass these types which is very easy to do if they are made a laughing stock, not among the women present but among other men.

Before OP gets further battered re. drink, four large glasses of rosé is a bottle and a third, which could be as low as 8 units, given the usually lower alcohol content of rosé wines. She drank it over the course of a few hours with a meal. It's not as though she was mainlining tequila.
Sorry OP as you were

He sounds like a right idiot.

You've done nothing wrong OP but I would clock it up as an experience and I would make sure next time I was prepared with a response to any ridiculous comments like the ones he made.

You don't have to continue a conversation with anyone you don't feel comfortable talking to or simply don't want to talk to for any reason.

If you can't find an appropriate reply to say to him simply tell him that you're now going to talk to someone else and move away.

It’s not pathetic at all to feel that way, your feelings are simply feelings we have little control of them.

I’ve had situations like this before, whereas if I’d said the “right thing” it’d be water off a Duck’s back, but it’s me not reacting how I wanted that stuck.

He’s a small insignificant man. Think of a few sharp responses that go with any situation and you’ll feel more armoured next time.

Honestly some men thrive on taking women down a peg or two. Add the chip on his shoulder about you being posh, and you have a nasty combination of inverted snobbery and misogyny.

There's a bloke like this in every pub everywhere in the world.

I think "negging" is too sophisticated a phrase for it tbh.

They're always alcoholics, usually married or with a long-term partner with whom the relationship has broken down but with whom they are stuck for financial reasons. Usually unemployed or in a dead end job. Normally their friends/peer group have long since moved on or moved away. Feel misunderstood by the world and particularly women.

Going up to groups of women at the end of the night and trying to "flirt" with them in a heavy handed way which is designed to leave the women feeling insulted and patronised is the closest they ever get to feeling alive again.

I wouldn't even engage with people like this. It's not you.

He just sounds like a twat OP. In future just end the conversation and enjoy another glass of wine

Men like this are so inadequate. They lead pointless, pathetic lives and wish for something better, knowing they'll never achieve it. They're sad people and they know it.

Going up to groups of women at the end of the night and trying to "flirt" with them in a heavy handed way which is designed to leave the women feeling insulted and patronised is the closest they ever get to feeling alive again.

thank you, I needed that!

I don't talk to men in bars. The only time I would is if I was single and fancied them and they were chatting me up. I have zero interest in having a debate or even chat with some random guy that I have no romantic interest in.

@TunnelOfGoats

Pubs by their very nature attract weirdo's and the dregs of society OP. I used to own one. Try not to give it too much thought, and just try a nicer pub for any subsequent get togethers

Exactly

If you go to a pub and get drunk and start chatting to randome men what do you expect???

Invite your friends to your house to avoid this and it's loads cheaper aswell

If you go to a pub and get drunk and start chatting to randome men what do you expect???

She can expect to not be insulted/harassed/belittled, regardless of how much she's drunk.

Learn to return fire

How much had he had to drink over the course of your evening?

I'm not excusing it by any means, but too much alcohol rarely brings out the very best in anyone.

Fucking hell, the victim blaming on this thread is disgusting.

Meh, he was clearly just suffering from Secondary Incelism. He's had somebody prepared to have sex with him before, but she got the fuck out of it ten years ago and he's failed miserably to find another one ever since.

Have encountered some in the past. Walking away and telling the staff there's an angry/abusive man bothering you tends to lighten the tone, particularly when they are guided from bar to front door without their feet touching the ground once.

Most people seem to recognise this behaviour for what it is but smh at the couple telling the OP she shouldn't drink so much, should have expected this from a pub (a PUB, oh the horror!) In case you haven't realised, women in 2021 are allowed to drink in pubs and still expect to be treated as human beings....
I have had this a couple of times OP, living in the North East but being from Home Counties originally. In the past it has really upset me and, as you did, I twisted myself in knots trying to justify myself and "prove" I was just like them. Never again. If it happened again they would get the dead stare and then not one more second of my attention. Literally anyone else in the room would be more worthy of attention than that prick.

@Comedycook

I don't talk to men in bars. The only time I would is if I was single and fancied them and they were chatting me up. I have zero interest in having a debate or even chat with some random guy that I have no romantic interest in.

It's very difficult when they talk to you though!

I stopped playing this game we are expected to play of getting them to go away in a way that doesn't feel to them like a brush off.

So many girls and women try sorry I'm married/have a boyfriend/ gay and often that doesn't work.

As long as no man is with you or your group you're fair game.

Anyway I thought sod it why should I. It pisses me off.

So I started saying no directly but politely.

What can happen and does more often than you'd hope is that they get argumentative, insulting, aggressive and sometimes threatening or actually violent.

So not talking to men in bars is a seemingly easy solution. But in real life they come and talk to you and then what.

And because some get angry/ abusive. The vast majority of women handle them very very carefully when trying to get them to sod off.

IME.

Meh, he was clearly just suffering from Secondary Incelism. He's had somebody prepared to have sex with him before, but she got the fuck out of it ten years ago and he's failed miserably to find another one ever since.
A million times this.

From what I’ve read on MN you should smile and say 'stop negging random man' and walk off. really is the best thing i've read