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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DPs DB and SIL should buy Christmas presents

34 replies

rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:15

For my 2 girls?

To be fair they haven't met them, but we are going to be at DPs parents place together on Christmas night.

DP is unsure as to whether to mention anything to him or just leave it and assume that they will buy something for them. DP has a daughter of his own, and the whole issue came up as they called and asked what size she was for clothes for Christmas.

Help please, not sure what we hould do, and neither is DP

OP posts:
NAB3littlemonkeys · 04/12/2007 11:16

So they are buying for your DPs DD but not your 2 DDs you have had together? Or are they yours? Either way, they should buy for all.

Dropdeadfred · 04/12/2007 11:18

I think it would be nice if they had thought of it themselves..I don't think phoning and 'reminding' them to, no matter how diplomatically, is a good idea.

Wouldn't you rather know the gifts had been bought (if they are) from their own choice rather than a hinting phonecall from your dp?

Original poster
rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:18

Sorry, should have been more clear, DPs daughter is his from his previous marriage, My DDs are from my previous marriage, we don't have any DCs which are 'ours'

OP posts:
ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 04/12/2007 11:18

Not sure how you can broach it without sounding grasping. They may have bought something already. How do you know they aren't planning on something?

NAB3littlemonkeys · 04/12/2007 11:19

Still think it should be all or nothing. Agree they shouldn't be told too though.

Original poster
rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:19

Well exactly DDF, but if my DDs don't have pressies from them it might be upsetting for them/embarassing for them???

OP posts:
ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 04/12/2007 11:19

Ah I see. Well I wouldn't have thought they were under any obligation to buy anything tbh.

clairejo · 04/12/2007 11:20

They should buy for all. my dss gets bought presents by my parents and my brother for birthdays, xmas, easter etc.

Twiglett · 04/12/2007 11:21

DP needs to speak to them .. you might be working yourself up over nothing and they may be planning to buy a little something

I would suggest you get a small list of inexpensive things (less than £5) that your children would like and get DP to call up and say something along the lines of

"Really looking forward to christmas together, I know you don't know xx and yy so thought maybe you'd like an idea of what they might like for christmas .. xx would love aaa (which costs £5 from xx shop) and yy would love bbb (which costs £5 from xx shop) .. or feel free to buy them whatever you think fitting"

In that way it is a positive statement, not putting people on the spot, assuming they would be doing the right thing anyway and being helpful

CarmenerryChristmas · 04/12/2007 11:21

Well you can't ring them and tell them to and in fairness they may not be expecting to. Imo children get plenty of gifts at Christmas, does it really matter if they don't get a gift from some people they are not related to and have never met before?

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 04/12/2007 11:22

Why "should" they clairejo? You are talking about children they have never met before.

I not saying they won't or that it wouldn't be a nice gesture but "should" is not right surely?

Original poster
rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:23

See, it's a nightmare.

Actually my DDs (and DSD for that matter) will have heaps of things from us and then later DPs parents.

It isn't about what they get for them, even a selection box or something, but just want to avoid any embarassment for anyone.

DP is of the opinion that they should but my DDs something, but isn't sure how to go about asking/hinting/leaving it and hoping they will think of it.

OP posts:
fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 04/12/2007 11:25

How long have you & dp been together?

I wouldn't have thought they would be under any stipulation to buy to 2 children they had never met before.

Your dp's brother is his dd's uncle. He is no relation to your children, in fact he has never met them before.

Will your family be buying to your dp's dd if they have never met her?

CarmenerryChristmas · 04/12/2007 11:28

Look the thing is, if they are embarrassed, and next year you are having Christmas together, they will know to buy presents. I really wouldn't worry about it.

chopchopbusybusy · 04/12/2007 11:29

I don't think your DP should do any hinting. They might buy your DDs a present or they might not.

Will your DDs really be upset if they don't receive a present? I'd manage their expectations tbh.

Original poster
rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:29

We have been together for 9 months, we have moved to a new town together.

I do see the POV that they haven't met them, so why should they, however yes, my parents and sister are buying presents for DSD even though they have only met her once, in fact my Mum even bought a little gift home from holiday for DSD, the same as my DDs, not that that makes any difference.

OP posts:
ib · 04/12/2007 11:31

Why don't you buy a little something for your dds 'from them'. Then if they have bought something you can be pleasantly surprised and if not you can explain that you didn't think they should buy something for the girls they hadn't met but you didn't want the girls to feel left out.

chopchopbusybusy · 04/12/2007 11:31

I should add that we always bought presents for my SILs step children even before we met them, but I know i would have been pissed off at any hinting.

clairejo · 04/12/2007 11:32

I never read the 'never met them' sorry. in that case i would think it would be a nice gesture especially at christmas. The first xmas I was with my dp I had never met 2 of his nieces but I bought presents for both of them as I did for dss and other niece. I didn't think it fair to leave tham out. It is christmas after all. I would never have dreamy of giving one niece a present and leaving other two out

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 04/12/2007 11:34

I think you are making it more complicated than it need be. In all likelihood they will bring something small for your DDs but if they don't it isn't that big a deal is it?

If you want to pre-empt it in someway maybe get your DP to mention to his DB that they don't need to buy anything as your DDs will have enough. Then the DB will either go along with that and you will know what to expect or will say "no no we'll get them something small".

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 04/12/2007 11:42

YABU.
You should not expect any thing from these people.
Do you know any thing of their circumstances? Christmas may be a real hardship to them, you just should not presume or expect any thing.
I think that yes you definitely are bieng very unreasonable.
Does it realy matter in the scheme of things? Are your kids not going to get a ton of stuff any way? Will they even notice that they are not bieng given a present by a total stranger because that is what they will be to your girls.
I think that it is outrageous to give them a list of things that your girls might like.
you are meeting them for the first time, dont start off on the wrong foot and risk offending them.

Original poster
rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:45

deeny-no the financial side of things would not be an issue. I have met them before, just not my DDs.

I did start the thread with a genuine query, I wasn't sure what to think. It would only be DP who would say anything, not me.

OP posts:
Original poster
rudolphdoesntneedbratnav · 04/12/2007 11:46

Also the list of things was suggested by another poster not me

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deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 04/12/2007 11:49

yes, i saw that the list was by some one else, cant believe it.
I agree with what many of the others say about it tbh, just let it go and enjoy the day.
Does it really matter do you think?, Honestly?

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 04/12/2007 11:52

sorry Rudolph, i was totally looking at it from the point of view if it were me that were the in laws and i would be very very offended at bieng pressured into buying for people i dont know.
Some one is going to follow this with "they are only kids, they only need spend a fiver or so", but i think that it is more than that tbh.