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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you to stop me making a mistake

35 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/09/2021 23:26

A man I fell in love with took me for granted and then dumped me because I copped on and laid out my boudaries.
I am just moving on from the nice way we were, its been a struggle but I'm nearly there.

I knew he would miss me and now he does. He wants us to meet up as "mates" and I really want to, but I know I shouldnt. Stop me, please.

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 10/09/2021 23:41

Been there, done that so I know it's not easy. The one thing I can promise you (even tho you won't believe me right now) is that one day, you'll meet someone who will make you realise this person was not right for you. Yup, told you you wouldn't believe me but it's true.

Don't think about your entire life without this person, just focus one day at a time. Or one hour at a time if it comes to that. And try to find things to occupy your time/mind. I swear, I know exactly how hard this is but you can do it. Keep posting x

Theunamedcat · 10/09/2021 23:47

Don't lower yourself

StoneofDestiny · 10/09/2021 23:48

I'd say no. I'd give yourself a lot of months and physical distance to allow yourself to move on. 'As friends' is way too soon - if ever.

SpittinKitten · 10/09/2021 23:49

DON'T DO IT, PyongyangKipperbang !

Hankunamatata · 10/09/2021 23:50

Urgh he took you for granted and then dumped you. He will just try and use you for sex

JassyRadlett · 10/09/2021 23:53

Every day you’re not with him is a day you don’t have to worry about a repeat of his horrible behaviour. Another day not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Every day he’s not in your life, you don’t have to fight to have your boundaries respected.

Every day he’s not in your life is a day to be proud that you’ve made yourself a priority.

You’ve got this.

Elouera · 10/09/2021 23:54

and then dumped me because I copped on

Sorry, what does this mean???

QueenBee52 · 11/09/2021 00:05

@PyongyangKipperbang

A man I fell in love with took me for granted and then dumped me because I copped on and laid out my boudaries. I am just moving on from the nice way we were, its been a struggle but I'm nearly there.

I knew he would miss me and now he does. He wants us to meet up as "mates" and I really want to, but I know I shouldnt. Stop me, please.

He missed all that 'Taking everything you did for Granted' stuff...

Do not be a MUG !!

QueenBee52 · 11/09/2021 00:06

@Elouera

and then dumped me because I copped on

Sorry, what does this mean???

She established clear boundaries ..

He didn't like that

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 11/09/2021 00:15

I "copped on" to the fact that I was being used and when I put my boundaries in place, suddenly I needed to be dumped. Ironic that he had got A LOT of ribbing about punching above his weight!

And yes @Hankunamatata I think that that is the issue....he wants a booty call

OP posts:
Enough4me · 11/09/2021 00:20

He'll start as friends, nice and smiley, then he'll tell you that he knew you were too good for him, that he forgot how amazing you are, that he's missed you he regrets his behaviour...poor him who would never hurt you again.

Think about him like a predator and know when he gets what he wants the effort will drop right off.

godmum56 · 11/09/2021 00:48

@PyongyangKipperbang

I "copped on" to the fact that I was being used and when I put my boundaries in place, suddenly I needed to be dumped. Ironic that he had got A LOT of ribbing about punching above his weight!

And yes @Hankunamatata I think that that is the issue....he wants a booty call

Oh fuck that!
ViciousJackdaw · 11/09/2021 00:51

You are an intelligent woman, Pyong. I've read enough of your posts over the years to know that. You are not daft. That's because you do your thinking with your brain. Now is not the time to start thinking with your vag.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 11/09/2021 00:53

Friday night? Good start to his weekend? Or he hasn't pulled so far? No, you're worth more than that.

thefourgp · 11/09/2021 00:57

You’re not ‘mates’. Do you want to have sex with him?

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 11/09/2021 02:36

@ViciousJackdaw

You are an intelligent woman, Pyong. I've read enough of your posts over the years to know that. You are not daft. That's because you do your thinking with your brain. Now is not the time to start thinking with your vag.
:o

Thank you!!

He knocked on my door and I offered him a coffee and called him a taxi. Kicking him out hurt like a bastard but I know it was the right thing to do.

Thanks guys....I will be back as I suspect he will not let this one lie.

OP posts:
R0tational · 11/09/2021 07:23

Oh my god, so pushy! Well done!!!

seriousandloyal · 11/09/2021 07:37

Well done OP! Self-respect has no price.

Burnamer · 11/09/2021 07:39

That’s impressive OP, well done. He will be back though. His type always are.

SeriouslyISuppose · 11/09/2021 07:57

@ViciousJackdaw

You are an intelligent woman, Pyong. I've read enough of your posts over the years to know that. You are not daft. That's because you do your thinking with your brain. Now is not the time to start thinking with your vag.
Exactly this, I NC weekly, but have been around for yonks and know your posts. You are full of cop on — live up to yourself. You know exactly how it would go, and how much worse you would end up feeling.

Mind yourself.

FoxgloveSummers · 11/09/2021 08:02

Blimey he really doesn’t respect your boundaries does he? WELL DONE on booting him out as it must have been very hard.

He sounds like an insidious dickhead. How many other women do you think he’s tried to shag tonight/this week?

One of the best texts I’ve ever sent was when someone who I loved but had messed me around horribly asked me to meet up as friends and I replied “why on Earth would I want to do that?” Grin

Newestname002 · 11/09/2021 08:44

@PyongyangKipperbang

He knocked on my door and I offered him a coffee and called him a taxi. Kicking him out hurt like a bastard but I know it was the right thing to do.

Thanks guys....I will be back as I suspect he will not let this one lie.

Well done for sending him out of the door again. As you say, he'll be back though - this time leave him on the outside of your door. Why make it harder for yourself?

Let him get his coffee elsewhere. 🌹

billy1966 · 11/09/2021 08:59

Well played.OP.

Don't be usedFlowers

Monty27 · 11/09/2021 09:04

Block him and don't answer your door to him.
Be kind to yourself.
He really does just want a fuck sorry.
Take good care of your physical and mental health always OP.
He'll find someone else to bother.

Clarich007 · 11/09/2021 09:07

The problems you had before will still be there.
I did this myself and we kept splitting up and getting back together a the time. Very exciting but so damaging in the long run.
Finally split up for good after 3 years