Is it just me or is everyone on MN either hard faced...

[dazzlerdo]

Is everyone on MN either hard faced, unforgivable or got the perfect life!

All I ever see is walk away, leave, run or he's not worth it

What do you think?

It’s just you

My face is soft as a baby's bum.

Never see any give it a go, give them another chance or see how it goes

Thought it might be just be

I would say most women here have enough experience of men to know when other women would benefit from cutting their losses.

There's a whole thread running right now, where most posters are recommending counselling and giving it a go.

Look and see.

MN has a low tolerance for shitty male behaviour. That balances the rest of the world which has low expectations of men and high of women.

YABU. I think MNers can suss out an abusive man pretty easily, so the LTBs are 99% warranted.

@PullMeInToTheScreen mine is as well after a nice shower and moisturise

I don't think everyone is hard faced or has the perfect life.

I also don't think advising someone to leave a bad relationship is a sign of being hard faced or having a perfect life. I amd struggling to see the connection.

6 years ago, mn helped me leave my abusive husband. Non of those posters were hard faced OR said they had the perfect life. But they did give me good practical advice. Spoke if their own similar experiences pre and post leaving.

If it wasn't for teh threads I started, I think I might still be there

I am nearly 50. I can give people a chance, but the way some women recount how they have been treated on here,is "giving someone a chance/another go" is very poor advice indeed.
I have a good life in that my husband is nice and not a shit. And I don't want shit for other women.
I'm done with shit. Too old for it.

My life experience has taught me that if people do things once they will generally do them again.

As women we are all fighting against being socialised to sacrafice our own wellbeing for the wellbeing if others (generally men). I don't think other women need another voice telling them to "be kind" or "give more".

Obviously there is a lot of good advice. But.. I mean some things, like he didn't do the dishes. Leave him!

I am also Northern and can look quite hard faced.

People rarely bring out a LTB solely for a man who doesnt do the dishes.

@HotSauceCommittee

I am also Northern and can look quite hard faced.

I'm Northern myself and been told I have a "resting bitch face" but I am quote forgiving. Obviously depending!

It's not usually just an isolated case of not doing the dishes though. It's part of a wider picture and through life experience a lot of women on here can deduce that quickly.

@dazzlerdo

Obviously there is a lot of good advice. But.. I mean some things, like he didn't do the dishes. Leave him!

Link to this thread. Seriously, because that's bollocks.

Now, he doesn't ever do the dishes even though I cook every night and he says he will. Then he gets annoyed and sulks when I ask him to... yeah LTB.

@dazzlerdo

Obviously there is a lot of good advice. But.. I mean some things, like he didn't do the dishes. Leave him!

But it's never just the dishes is it? Generally , the dishes are part of a larger pattern of poor behaviour, disrespect etc.

I think a lot of the posters have been there ,done that and got the tshirt,or several of them. They know how the story ends and it's never happily ever after or even averagely content.

While there is gender bias the majority of posters give balanced advice. There’s always a few with their own agenda but more people are balanced .

@dazzlerdo

Never see any give it a go, give them another chance or see how it goes

In some of the situations posted here I’d have had his bag packed, locks changed and his stuff would be at the end of the drive. Sometimes there is no second chances with shitty behaviour.

@DeepaBeesKit

People rarely bring out a LTB solely for a man who doesnt do the dishes.

That was an exaggeration obviously!

Sometimes the advice is indeed a bit OTT!

Let’s change the tide then. Let’s, as a group, wander about on all of the other threads saying nothing but lovely things to everyone and see if anyone notices

@takehomepay

YABU. I think MNers can suss out an abusive man pretty easily, so the LTBs are 99% warranted.

This.

The easy, default, socially acceptable option is always to stay, to keep taking the tablets.

When you describe a domestic scenario on the internet and random strangers can smell a rat, they're usually onto something. They have no skin in the game and no reason not to tell you.

MN helped persuade me that my marriage wasn't a good deal for me and gave me a significant amount of the confidence I needed to go it alone and I've never looked back.

If they'd all chipped in and said "go easy on the poor man", it might have taken me a lot longer.

Thank God for the LTB brigade. Society isn't doing it so I'm glad someone is.

Well I'm 58 and have seen too many people i know in absolutely terrible relationships bending over backwards to accomodate terrible men and their behaviour. One friend openly admits she wasted 15 years of her life trying to save a doomed marriage. Another it was 12 years. If you're asking Mumsnet if your marriage is toxic it probably is.
And no my 31 year marriage isn't perfect because humans aren't but we love and respect each other, listen and share. Marriage has survived my major illness, mh problems in one child, chronic illness in the other, DH having a demanding job and his toxic parents.