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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dread Christmas every year because of this

34 replies

GemGem85 · 10/09/2021 17:16

Just so I’m clear, I actually love Christmas itself and the build up but there is one thing I hate about it. My SiL (dh’s sis) clearly thinks it’s a competition and it absolutely drains me. Every single year around August she’ll ask me what I’m buying my dc and more often than not I’ll say oh I don’t know because I can’t be bothered to get into it. She will then proceed to rhyme off everything (and I mean everything) she has bought not only my nieces and nephews but also dh’s parents, brother, aunt, cousins etc. She has also asked me how much I spend on my dc which I find plain rude but what I find even ruder is when last year she called round and actually went though my bags. I’d just been to Smyths to get a few gifts for my dd and I’d placed the bags on the table. She was like oh what have you bought. So I said some Christmas gifts. She then decided to look through my bags! If she’d wanted to see what I’d got I’d have shown her. She also insists on knowing what me and dh have bought their parents and believe me, it isn’t so that we don’t buy the same thing, it’s so she can cost up in her head how much we have spent so that she can buy something more expensive. I know, it’s ridiculous. We see her on Christmas Day as she’ll call round to give our dc their presents and she’ll look at literally every present that they have got. She has even asked my teenage dd how much money she got. Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable to think this is pretty bizarre behaviour?

OP posts:
nanbread · 10/09/2021 17:22

God that sounds annoying.

I'd probably tell her you're only doing token gifts this year because you're reining in spend, then go all out and buy them ponies or a new car to wind her up.

GemGem85 · 10/09/2021 17:24

Lol that made me chuckle. To be honest my dc get some nice gifts and they’re always well thought out. I don’t have loads of money and to be fair even when some years I’ve had a bit more I’ve spent it on other things like a day out over Christmas or nice food that kind of thing. My dc always appreciate what they get and always seem happy so I don’t know why I let my SiL get to me.

OP posts:
Akire · 10/09/2021 17:24

That is annoying just tell her your DH is in charge of all the shopping this year to give you break you are looking forward to being surprised. Being a bloke this immediately becomes a master stroke of
Shopping genius and to be congratulated on every careful purchase. Even if he’s got them on Xmas eve at Tesco’s. Win win

gamerchick · 10/09/2021 17:25

You could have fun with that. Give her false info.. you already know she's trying to 'beat' you. Give her something to beat.

There is fun to be had in a lot of irritating situations if you look for it.

GemGem85 · 10/09/2021 17:26

Lol aw I wish I could leave my dh in charge of Christmas. He does his fair share at home and with the kids and he’s amazing at diy projects but organising and shopping for dc Christmas presents is my thing.

OP posts:
GemGem85 · 10/09/2021 17:27

Lol aw yeah that would actually be quite funny. It just baffles me as she clearly thinks the more gifts you buy and the more you spend equates to more love. I just don’t think of it that way.

OP posts:
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 10/09/2021 17:28

My sil was the same. Obsessed about my spending in general. Her bff lived opposite mine... I used to carry bags of old clothes round to show off my 'purchases' to my bff and her bff would be ringing my sil ASAP!! Then sil would call round telling her db (my dh) I had been out shopping 'again'!!
Absolutely bonkers!!
The diet of less information is what you need op..

GemGem85 · 10/09/2021 17:30

Omg that’s crazy. To be honest shopping doesn’t interest me. I find it a chore and only go because I have to. I used to enjoy Christmas shopping when my dc were a bit younger but it’s tiresome these days. I love Christmas itself and spending the whole week of work with my family but Christmas shopping is my worst nightmare lol.

OP posts:
Ultraopaque · 10/09/2021 17:36

Op stick to your own guns here. Your present buying approach sounds perfect. Your sil on the other hand sounds incredibly impolite and annoying.

Once she "starts" this year could you use humour to stop her in her tracks? Ask if she has her spread sheet at the ready or if she has started the wall chart tracking the price and size of all the family gifts yet?

Or alternatively just be honest when she brings it up and say very calmly "sorry x but I just don't approach Christmas buying in the same way you do "Sandra", I don't see it as a competition, and frankly we are trying to be less consumer driven this year, can we talk about something more interesting? " and change the subject.

GemGem85 · 10/09/2021 17:40

Oh now I know if I were to say that she’d blow it way out of proportion and think I was having a go at her. She can be quite difficult at times.

OP posts:
barskits · 10/09/2021 17:46

@GemGem85

Lol aw I wish I could leave my dh in charge of Christmas. He does his fair share at home and with the kids and he’s amazing at diy projects but organising and shopping for dc Christmas presents is my thing.
He doesn't actually have to do the present-buying, just tell SIL that he is.

Then, when she starts pestering the life out of him, he'll understand how irritating it is for you, and why it winds you up. And hopefully, being her brother, he won't have any qualms about telling her to stfu and mind her own business.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 10/09/2021 17:50

Think of this.

How sodding miserable her life must be to turn the season of good will into a competition.

Is she quite an anxious unsecure person?

sayanythingelse · 10/09/2021 17:58

That sounds incredibly annoying. She reminds me of one of my colleagues who is obsessed with the cost of everything. I know the cost of her house, her car, her purse, her new windows. If I've had some lovely prawns for tea that I got from Aldi, she'll have had some lovely prawns that she got from M&S or a super amazing fishmonger that charges £3 per single prawn. I'm not a materialistic person at all, so I don't know why she feels the need to one-up me with wealth.

I agree with pp that you should tell her you're buying super expensive things this year. Tell her really matter of fact, like it's no big deal but when she checks the prices, each item is about £1000.

Justajot · 10/09/2021 18:17

I'd make up long lists and then watch her trying to out-spend them. But I do enjoy messing people about, though usually in a jokey way.

wigglerose · 10/09/2021 18:33

Ugghhhh people who don't get the hint when you say something vague/noncommital because you don't want to get into something are the worst.

Eralos · 10/09/2021 18:36

Is this your husband sis or brothers wife? Either way I’d be having a word with her relative so either your bro or your husband and saying can you get her to stop. It’s weird and crass.

Ambo21 · 10/09/2021 18:38

You are not buying gifts this year but will make donation to charity in each recipients name...

Hekatestorch · 10/09/2021 18:42

See I would be so petty with this.

Like tell her I had bough pil X & Y, and then I the day also produce 'z' gift, that sil and no idea about

If she was round, I would leave bags of joke type presents for her to look through.

Oh and any time she asked about money I would follow with 'wow that's really rude!'

PullMeInToTheScreen · 10/09/2021 18:49

"The kids are mad about Playtons so we're getting them lots of Playtons this year"

"What are Playtons?"

"Omg they just love them, they're like Burnees but talk"

Etc

Or tell her to look at what kind of penguin bollards are the best as you're not sure which ones to get...

PaolaDiLorenzo · 10/09/2021 18:54

One of my SIL's was like that but with my MIL, always trying to make sure her family got better presents. MIL used to get very anxious about it and didn't want to upset her, so she ended up spending more on them .
In the end she switched to giving money as they became older and that put a stop to it.

SquirrelFan · 10/09/2021 19:24

Tell her it's all been getting too commercial and you're worried about the effect on your children. You're planning on focusing on the true meaning of Christmas this year and will all be giving toys away and serving a Christmas meal at a homeless shelter. Would she like to join you?

LookItsMeAgain · 10/09/2021 19:24

Agree with what @PullMeInToTheScreen suggested! Genius there by the way!!

Also, could you put forward a suggestion in order to cut back on the waste around Christmas and gifts, that this year all of the adults (i.e. anyone over 18 yrs old) will be doing a "Secret Santa" and the budget is £50 or £30 or something like that so that it is more personable and that it would be more likely to be appreciated. Would something like that work?

Then she would have to return all of the gifts that she has bought for the whole family and just buy for one person.

SquirrelFan · 10/09/2021 19:25

And if she says yes, then you've started a new tradition!

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 10/09/2021 19:32

Tell her you’re buying your parent a Tesla and a Rolex. Then see her try and top that 😆

FangsForTheMemory · 10/09/2021 19:35

say you're just giving them money and when she says 'how much' say you don't know yet.

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