Miffed about lack of flowers

[EdithGrantham]

This is completely outing but CBA to name change.

At my workplace we all contribute £10 a year for a 'flower fund' and this is used instead of a collection for if someone is ill, has a bereavement or if they've had a baby.

In the case of people having babies a collection is also made to buy gifts and often a baby shower is organised, often at a place that does afternoon tea, to present the gifts, play games and generally say "good luck".

I had my first baby a few weeks ago and got some lovely presents before I went on maternity. A shower couldn't be organised because of covid restrictions but everyone gathered for a little while in the outside space to wish me well. A few weeks later when restrictions were the same a takeaway afternoon tea was organised for some people who were leaving which did make me think that might have been an option for me but the main issue is the following and I'm (half!) prepared to be told I am being unreasonable.

I haven't had any flowers. For other people these have been delivered within a week after the baby has been born, my LO is now 6 weeks old and everyone has been back in work after summer holidays for a week and a half. I'm not bothered about the flowers particularly but I can't move on from the feeling of being a little bit forgotten. Am I being completely unreasonable?

There is always 1 person in charge of managing the fund and spending it. Perhaps that person has left or is off sick? Or perhaps you were forgotten.

If you really want the flowers, you could mention it to your supervisor.

You got gifts though right?

Tbh I think it's just all a bit weird right now for going out organising stuff and I think as so much time has passed you won't be seeing any flowers.
Sometimes you land lucky and sometimes you don't. I've been at places a short time and had amazing gifts and then one place I was there 7 years and well liked, and they didn't really organise anything for me :/ my colleague nipped out and bought the cheapest Asda cupcakes. I had bought all my close team an alcoholic gift, a book voucher and written a note individually to them all. I honestly was miffed about it all.. the cupcakes almost made it worse!

No I would be a little upset too. For some reason, I am sometimes forgotten when it comes to this type of thing too. There is no point dwelling on it though.

Were you the one in charge of the flowers fund? Who is in charge of it now. Could it be a new person who doesn't know about you.

It seems weird to do flowers and gift . Are you sure it's not one or other.

Eg illness or bereavement flowers as wouldn't do a gift

I'd be feeling put out too, but objectively everything is just so "different" now that what's usual doesn't seem to apply. I usually get all my staff birthday gifts but I haven't for those in the latter part of this year. Partly because I've had some testing personal circumstmances , which I hope they understand, partly because I haven't seen them (although I could have ordered something) and partly because frankly, because I've got to a point where I just cba. It's not personal against them, I just don't have the emotional energy.

Sorry I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable-they bought you gifts before you left, surely this is instead of flowers? It’s not usual to get both??
Congrats on the baby x

Yeah I'd be a bit upset too, about being forgotten more than the actual flowers

@PlanDeRaccordement the person who does the organising is definitely in work and not sick, and AFAIK likes me but now I'm not so sure! I don't want to mention it to anyone at work because I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, also my supervisor would turn it into a massive thing I suspect which is so not what I'd want!

@JasonMomoasgirlfriend yes I got some very lovely, thoughtful presents organised by a colleague who I'm also friends with outside of work which is why I know I should get over it really! I guess I just want a rant and some sympathy as it's a bit of a weird thing to bring up in real life conversations!

I would have a fairly lighthearted feeling of “fucksake, all those contributions and where’s mine?!”

But bottom line I’d figure someone had just forgotten and I wouldn’t care.

Unless you’re about to uncover a long term scam - like Arthur and the Xmas Club! 🤣

You could email the person, “hey, I know you usually do flowers… there’s a good chance I’ll go to take baby to my mum for a week from tomorrow, and I’d hate them to die on the doorstep - letting you know not to organise this week!”

Sorry other replies weren't there when I started typing. It's not me who organises the fund but I have contributed every year I've worked there. It is definitely usually both flowers and present for babies, there have been 4 other babies in the time I've been working here and all have warranted a collection for a gift plus a bouquet from the separate pot of money for the 'flower fund'. Also, not sure if it's relevant but we've all been in the workplace in person since after the Jan-March lockdown so it's not a case of not seeing people.

I know it's shit, I would be feeling sad about it but I agree with you, you can't really say anything.
Maybe when you're back in the office after maternity leave and the next flowers are arranged for someone else you could joke "I'm still waiting on mine!" But I'm not sure I even would do that

@Cocomarine

You could email the person, “hey, I know you usually do flowers… there’s a good chance I’ll go to take baby to my mum for a week from tomorrow, and I’d hate them to die on the doorstep - letting you know not to organise this week!”

As the organiser, who no doubt does this outside of their actual job description, if I got an email like that it would be the last time anyone ever got flowers.

@Cocomarine that is how I've been trying to view it but every now and then I feel a bit sad about it (possibly hormonal lol!) and that's a great idea for a message but think like a PP said it's kind of been too long now

There is possibly a shortage on flowers.
We had trouble organising them for a funeral on Ireland.
I assumed it was something to do with Brexit.
These are strange times and your colleagues have already been generous.
I'd put it out of my mind.
Congratulations on your baby.

Please don't do what coco suggested . It is desperate and begging, and I would make certain you never got anything again with that attitude. I think the gifts were in place of flowers, let it go.

YANBU. If I were you I’d stop contributing.
If it’s indeed an office policy to contribute then whoever’s In charge should keep a detailed list. Tell them why you won’t contribute.

It’s a flaw in the formal ‘flower fund’ arrangement - it turns someone getting missed from ‘just one of those things’ to ‘not really on’ when that person pays in each time themselves. I’d be pissed off too. Unless it is that the case that the gifts were instead of the flower fund flowers, but you seem to imply that that’s not the case?

I know the feeling OP - including wondering if you're just being a bit greedy but especially if you pay towards it I think I would be feeling a bit put out!

I think annoyingly it's one of those things that can't really be corrected after the event. If you pointed it out to someone now and got the flowers it probably wouldn't feel the same?

@DayDate nobody ever getting any flowers again is a great outcome!
It’s unprofessional to say someone ‘just forgot’. Anyone having anything to do with other people’s money should be held accountable. If everyone’s too busy to do this then might as well not.
Everyone giving £10 in the OP’s workplace was meant to make things ‘fair’. But this again resulted in separate collections etc. What about people who can’t contribute . Or people who are forgotten in both counts?

I'm pretty sure it's not a case of the gifts being instead of the flowers, purely because of what has happened for ladies who have had babies before me, there's always been a collection for gifts which are given before maternity leave then a bunch of flowers sent once the baby has been born (including one during the first lockdown so fairly recently)

I'm absolutely not going to do or say anything about it now, just need to get over it. Glad to hear I'm not completely mad for feeling a bit annoyed if some others are saying they would be too!

[quote TractorAndHeadphones]@DayDate nobody ever getting any flowers again is a great outcome!
It’s unprofessional to say someone ‘just forgot’. Anyone having anything to do with other people’s money should be held accountable. If everyone’s too busy to do this then might as well not.
Everyone giving £10 in the OP’s workplace was meant to make things ‘fair’. But this again resulted in separate collections etc. What about people who can’t contribute . Or people who are forgotten in both counts?[/quote]
Yes OK, but why would anyone want to take this on? It's never a man? Is it?

@Cocomarine

You could email the person, “hey, I know you usually do flowers… there’s a good chance I’ll go to take baby to my mum for a week from tomorrow, and I’d hate them to die on the doorstep - letting you know not to organise this week!”

Oh god…whatever you do don’t do this!!

When it comes time to hand in money for the next collection make sure to say "Oh are we doing flowers again? I thought it stopped with the last baby"

Surely the gifts alone are enough??
Presumably you’ll also be going back to work at some point? Will you be expecting a back to work bouquet?

What about the men who contribute to the flowers fund but don’t get pregnant and go on maternity leave? Do they moan about it not being fair too?

Honestly, your seriously overthinking this. Just enjoy your baby.