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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to the pub with my newborn?

70 replies

PurpleCurtain · 09/09/2021 19:43

I'm part of a new mum group who like to try to meet up every few days, which I really appreciate but they seem to keep suggesting we meet up at pubs, usually outside in beer gardens so that there is enough space for us all. Am I being unreasonable to suggest there must be more appropriate places for us to meet up? For one I'd rather not surround my baby with smokers (who I fully understand are entitled to smoke in beer gardens) and often even sitting inside you can smell the smoke... and even without any smoke I'm not sure they are an environment designed to cater for babies. Is it reasonable to be taking a bunch of newborns to the pub?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 09/09/2021 20:26

I presume you’re not all meeting up on weekend afternoons or evenings - more like daytime meets midweek? In which case your fears of rowdy drunken louts chain-smoking are probably a bit OTT…

healmebaby · 09/09/2021 20:26

Yes YABU. If you don’t want to go to a pub, no one is forcing you. They can go without you

liveforsummer · 09/09/2021 20:26

@Mantlemoose

I wouldn't but then I think pubs are entirely inappropriate to take kids to - inside or out.
Even the ones that serve kid's meals with paper and crayons or have outdoor play equipment or indoor soft play?
Gimlisaxe · 09/09/2021 20:28

If you are meeting up at lunchtime and you have drunken punters, you are going to the wrong pubs.

We have a couple here, I wouldn't take myself to let alone a baby and then we have others with play stuff for the kids and massive load of space.

If you want an alternate view, I wouldn't want to go for lunch, go outside to sit outside with a stack load of small babies

Maryann1975 · 09/09/2021 20:29

As others have said, in a couple of years (Probably less than that tbh, maybe as little as 6 months) you will be wishing you could take Your baby to a pub for a drink and a chat with friends. Once they start moving, it won’t be an option unless it has a soft play attached to it and then you may well find yourself up and down so often that you haven’t actually managed to have a half decent conversation with anyone you wanted to see as you’ve chased your pfb round for the entire 2 hours you’ve been out.

Is it that your babies are still on the young side for groups? Once they are old enough for that kind of thing, your meet ups will change anyway. Or maybe see if there is a baby music group locally and suggest doing that first before going to the pub for lunch.

I honestly wouldn’t make it in to an issue though, this stage is so short it won’t last too much longer (and then it will be raining And cold anyway so you won’t be able to sit outside Anyway).

ZenNudist · 09/09/2021 20:30

I used to go to a pub with my very well heeled nct group. It was much quieter and more spacious in the middle of the day to fit all of us in. We used to spread a big mat out when the babies were old enough to lie on it.

CheekyAFAIK · 09/09/2021 20:30

Have you actually been to a daytime pub meetup? Why not try it before deciding it's that bad? You'll probably be the only ones there, not many drunkards in the daytime and anyone wanting a quiet fag will leg it the minute you lot turn up.

Spottybluepyjamas · 09/09/2021 20:31

I LOVED going to the pub with friends when my DC were tiny. They just slept most of the time and even when they didn't they were much easier than when they got bigger! I would definitely go, but sit away from the smoking area. However, if you don't feel comfortable then just suggest somewhere else, although be prepared that the others might want to carry on going to the pub

LegendaryReady · 09/09/2021 20:31

There can't be more than a couple more weeks of outdoor meet ups. I'd leave it and you'll need to find a new venue before long anyway.

We used to rotate meeting at each others houses, but in my day a trip to the pub was a treat not a weekly event, we wouldn't have wanted to spend the money Grin

SkinnyMirror · 09/09/2021 20:31

Meeting up with friends in the pub was one of highlights of my maternity leave!!

89redballoons · 09/09/2021 20:33

Depends on the pub. A rowdy locals type pub more focused on getting people pissed than food, maybe not.

However, there are a couple of very family friendly pubs around here with children's menus, play equipment etc. They even run baby groups there in the mornings before the pubs open to punters. I'd take a newborn to a place like that and let them snooze in the pram while I had a glass of wine without hesitation.

didyouseeit · 09/09/2021 20:33

Not allowed smoking in our pub garden. People eat there and smoke drifts. they go outside the pub itself.

Hardbackwriter · 09/09/2021 20:34

@PurpleCurtain

I'd like to meet up with them (and I'd like to take advantage of being able to enjoy a glass of wine!), I guess I just have different comfort levels to them when it comes to e.g. how far away from the smoking area I'd be happy to sit, or how close to particularly drunken punters.
It's quite hard to work out from your posts if you've ever been to any of these meet-ups or are just contemplating it - are these actual problems you've encountered or things you're worried will happen if you go to a pub?
PurpleFlower1983 · 09/09/2021 20:39

DH and I loved an afternoon in the pub when DC1 was tiny - no such luck now she’s a toddler and we have DC2! Didn’t realise how lucky we were Grin

Kakser · 09/09/2021 20:44

Went to loads of pub gardens with fellow mums when babies were small. Never had an issue with anyone smoking nearby or being made to feel anything less than welcome - pubs were pleased we were filling a table and buying drinks and bowls of chips during a usually quiet time.

TolkiensFallow · 09/09/2021 20:45

I wouldn’t be keen for a pub. National trust cafes are a good shout. Or garden centres.

Original poster
PurpleCurtain · 09/09/2021 20:48

@Hardbackwriter, yes I've been to a couple of pubs with them all now where we were really only a couple of tables away from the smoking area (featuring smokers) and everyone else seemed fine with it on the surface (though I guess they could also not be speaking up yet!), including one where a random drunken couple tried to touch a couple of the babies.

OP posts:
WheelieBinPrincess · 09/09/2021 20:48

😂 not everyone lives anywhere with an abundance of garden centres and NT properties. Round here the local wanky gastro pub (no punters getting drunk in there during the day, unless they’re made of money) is a good shout.

ParkheadParadise · 09/09/2021 20:54

That sounds great.
Whisky n lemonade for me, a bottle of milk for dd🥂🥂

My dd spent hours in the pub as a newborn. DH took a years leave when she was born. We went for lunch/dinner 2/3 times a week.

takealettermsjones · 09/09/2021 20:54

Family friendly pubs are completely perfect for babies! Lots of space, normally warm, background noise, changing facilities, high chairs, baby food and/or bottle warming available... When kids get older, there's crayons, fish fingers, outdoor play areas, even sometimes a Wacky Warehouse... and I get to have a wine! What's not to like?? I'd never take baby/child in a pub that's not set up to cater for children, but I do a quick Google of their website beforehand: if there's a kids menu, it's fair game.

Nosferatussidebit · 09/09/2021 20:58

Most formal baby groups I attended were in pub function rooms (baby massage, baby sensory etc) and we used to stay afterwards in the pub and have lunch. Some of us even had a glass of wine! I really don't see the issue.

LakeShoreD · 09/09/2021 21:08

Are you going to really grim drinkers pubs or something? Drunks rampaging and loads of smokers on a random Tuesday afternoon really isn’t normal. Find a naice gastropub with a kids meal (I know your baby isn’t eating yet but it’s typically a sign that they’re family friendly) and you shouldn’t have a problem.

Original poster
PurpleCurtain · 09/09/2021 21:09

Perhaps I'll just steer away from the pubs we've already tried then! If it did feel like mums and babies were welcomed, and there was space sufficient distance away from the smoking area (whether that's inside or out - as have found tables close to the door are also often a bit smoky!) then I think that would be okay! I'm not sure pub meetup suggestions will be over when the weather cools down, given the rise in these outdoor marquee areas etc (which is what I mean by beer garden most of the time!).

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleCurtain · 09/09/2021 21:11

Also - the pubs we have been to definitely have kids menus!

OP posts:
Planty13 · 09/09/2021 21:13

I LOVE the pub but it would be the last place I’d think of for a baby met up! I feel picnic is areas, walks, parks are more suited. Then a baby free pub visit? YANBU

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