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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think Nursery has caused this behaviour deterioration?

40 replies

blaisealex · 09/09/2021 16:23

DS has been going to nursery since he was 9 months but not for very long per week with large periods not at nursery (thanks, Covid). Anyway, he has now started doing the 30 hours as he is three which is well over double what he was doing.

Since he started this week his behaviour has really deteriorated. I realise doing so many more hours than normal was going to be quite a transition and I expected a bit of tiredness, over emotional and grumpy but it has been way more than that.

We've had throwing things and defiance. This morning he launched his breakfast on the floor. Completely out of character for him. He's just thrown something at my face. He's had tantrums. Talking back, lots of 'why' to everything. None of which is normal for him.

He's told me about naughty children at nursery, biting, hitting and nicking. The nicking I assume based on what he said is taking toys and food that don't belong to him.

It just seems that perhaps DS is starting to replicate the behaviour that he's seeing and honestly, it's really bothering me.

AIBU to think that the behaviour of the other children is the cause of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
blaisealex · 09/09/2021 16:25

Sorry for leaving the 'k' off knicking!

OP posts:
cleckheatonwanderer · 09/09/2021 16:27

How old is he?

It may just be that he's tired from the new routine and acting up. You may find it settles down.

negomi90 · 09/09/2021 16:28

At 3, its far more likely to be a combination of the change in hours, over tiredness, being unsettled due to change, and a developmental leap (toddler go through this phase at different ages, but most go through it in some way).

TooOldandTired · 09/09/2021 16:33

YABU and ridiculous, has has been doing extra hours at nursery for under a week!

Stompythedinosaur · 09/09/2021 16:33

Well, the change in behaviour may well be linked to nursery (because he's tired and/or struggling with the transition) but I seriously doubt it is because he is copying others.

Ijustreallywantacat · 09/09/2021 16:38

They don't teach children to throw plates at nursery you know! As you said, it's a big transition. He's probably getting overwhelmed. Don't start down the 'it's the other children's fault' route now, please!

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 09/09/2021 16:42

He's overtired and 3.
If you think the behaviour is that bad in nursery and not being addressed move him but dont be surprised if he doesnt become a compliant polite agreeable child overnight.
They talk about terrible twos but threes are just as bad they just can communicate more to tell you no

iklboo · 09/09/2021 16:43

You do know children pretty much everywhere go through a period of behaviour like this when they're three? It's also about when they start telling stories about things that might not have actually happened.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 09/09/2021 16:43

And please dont be that parent that always blames all the other children for their owns poor behaviour and therefore doesnt seem the need to address it

RJnomore1 · 09/09/2021 16:44

You were right first time with nicking!

Is he over tired? It’s week one - so only a few days in and strange etc?

fallfallfall · 09/09/2021 16:47

He’s three typical three year old behavior.
Not related to nursery it’s developmental.

Original poster
blaisealex · 09/09/2021 16:47

@RJnomore1

You were right first time with nicking!

Is he over tired? It’s week one - so only a few days in and strange etc?

Oh, bloody hell. So I was! 😂 My brain is all over the place.
OP posts:
Original poster
blaisealex · 09/09/2021 16:48

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee

And please dont be that parent that always blames all the other children for their owns poor behaviour and therefore doesnt seem the need to address it
No, I don't want to ever be that parent. My old NDN was like that and it was awful!
OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 09/09/2021 16:49

It's because he's unsettled and tired from the change in his routine.

DD is the same age, she's been in full-time nursery since ten months but has started in nursery school this week. She's only been in for two hours a day, in a small group and she knows some of the children, but she's exhausted and her behaviour is shocking. Very similar to what she said, throwing and hitting etc, things she wouldn't usually do. It'll settle down soon once she's adjusted to the new routine.

I'd also take his stories about the other children with a pinch of salt. They don't have reliable memories or interpretation of this stuff at that age. We've collected her to see her happily playing with James, only that evening she tells us James hit her and she doesn't like him. Or she told us Evie pushed her, but on some probing it was because she pulled Evie first. They're finding their way and they won't get it right all the time or remember it correctly all the time.

girlmom21 · 09/09/2021 16:53

He's just tired and pushing boundaries. He's working out what's acceptable behaviour at home and what's acceptable behaviour at nursery.

WhatisanODP · 09/09/2021 16:53

I’ve got one that’s 3.

He’s been a horrible little nightmare today at home with me. Hitting… throwing his brothers stuff out of windows etc.

He’s exhausted. He’s past the napping stage and he’s tired and massively over emotional today. I’m not blaming the nursery. Because I know he’s a little joy at nursery.

Yab a bit U…

Snaketime · 09/09/2021 16:54

He is 3. There is a reason they call it threenager, both of mine were angels until they hit 3 and then both of them became just like your son. My DD is finally out of it now she is 7.

Cam2020 · 09/09/2021 17:00

Even if he has seen some bad behaviour at nursery and decided to give it a go, it's for you to shut it down - that's going to happen all throughout his childhood and adolescence at times. Three is notoriously difficult and kids are definitely pushing boundaries to see ehat reacting they get and what they can get away with.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 09/09/2021 17:01

Phew Grin
It may help to use similar ways to set boundaries so if nursery use "kind hands, listening ears" or if they have traffic lights or stars etc"
But alot of it is being 3 unfortunately

legoriakelne · 09/09/2021 17:03

Since he started this week ...

Mate, it's Thursday afternoon. Do you think maybe your expectations of how quickly he would adjust may be slightly unrealistic?

Ozanj · 09/09/2021 17:14

Seems like he’s bored to me. Does his behaviour improve when you do activities with him?

Tresal · 09/09/2021 17:18

It sounds like he is tired and overwhelmed by nursery. He probably bottles it up when he is there and then takes it out on you when he is at home because he is comfortable around you and knows you will still love him even if he hurls his breakfast around the kitchen.

SoundBar · 09/09/2021 17:20

He's absolutely exhausted and having emotional outbursts as a result. At nursery he will be on best behaviour bottling it up. Once he's home with you it's his safe space so out it all comes.

Consider doing a more gradual phasing of increased hours over 2 weeks or so. Doubling it is quite extreme with no lead in.

Original poster
blaisealex · 10/09/2021 15:34

Today DS has come home and said another child bit him on the head. DS also said he punched this child! But I have no idea if any of it's true or if DS punched first or after he was bitten. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 10/09/2021 15:50

@blaisealex

Today DS has come home and said another child bit him on the head. DS also said he punched this child! But I have no idea if any of it's true or if DS punched first or after he was bitten. 🤷‍♀️
Did nursery not tell you there have been any incidents? We'd always be informed of either of those things. Call them.
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