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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum has cancer

53 replies

swizzells2003 · 09/09/2021 15:08

I know this isn't the right place, I just needed to write this down somewhere......

About 6 weeks ago mum told us that she has pancreatic cancer, then a week later we were told it's terminal. She went to Christie's for her first appointment and was admitted straight away - she's really poorly.

I was going to go and visit her yesterday but now she has COVID ..... I'm just so sad today and don't know what to do.

I just feel like this can't be happening to my mum, it's my mum.... she can't die, she's my mum

OP posts:

NotPersephone · 09/09/2021 17:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

IwishIwasinAlykanas · 09/09/2021 18:28

So sorry to hear this. I lost my mum in Feb this year to the same cancer. I felt exactly the same way you do - it can't be happening to my mum. Wish I knew what to else to say, but I know how you feel. Sending hugs.

Original poster

swizzells2003 · 09/09/2021 18:54

Thank you so much everyone, it's nice to have so many people supporting. I'll have a look at all the resources you've pointed too

OP posts:

CurryLover55 · 09/09/2021 18:57

So sorry OP - sending hugs 💐💐💐

Andi2020 · 09/09/2021 19:33

OP handheld. Have been through this with my mum 3 years ago. It is a horrible diagnosis but to add covid19 on top is horrible.

GoGadgetGo · 09/09/2021 19:35

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. I really hope that you can get the support that you all need to support you through this. The best that you can.

Username7521 · 09/09/2021 19:39

Hi OP
My mum has terminal pancreatic cancer which has spread to her liver. It’s so hard. She’s had the wipple, 2/3 of her liver removed and nothing has helped.
It’s just shit. Absolutely shit.
I’ve found maggies helpful as a charity helpful. It’s taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that cancer happens to the family.
My sympathies. It’s just horrible. But you’re not alone xxx

cherrypiesally · 09/09/2021 19:40

I’m sorry my mum got this diagnosis in July, it’s rubbish. You are not alone. Loads of hugs to you. Xx

Piggy42 · 09/09/2021 19:55

I’m so sorry, it is horrible. I hope you can get some support.

bellabasset · 09/09/2021 19:55

I've lost both my dm and dh to cancer, my dh wasn't even retirement age. So I know what you're going through mentally. But covid on top is cruel.

I felt the same about my df as your dad does, so thinking of you at what is such a hard time

Original poster

swizzells2003 · 09/09/2021 21:30

Again, thank you all. I'm sorry for everyone going through this.

I can't remember who asked but I do have my DH and a sister, I also have a 6 year old DS. He knows grandma is poorly and is in hospital with cancer so I try and be strong for him - he's seen me cry a couple of times, he just comes and gives me cuddles 🥰

I'm trying to look after me (fed and watered as a friend put it tonight) but I honestly am the last person that I'm thinking about right now. I think tomorrow I'll treat myself to a bath before work and get dressed nicely instead of usual leggings and T-shirt - bring me a little joy.

Thank you all again and hugs to everyone

OP posts:

Userg1234 · 09/09/2021 21:52

My mum died of pancreatic cancer when I was 17. I'm 52 now. She missed most of my life and as a man i would fight Mike Tyson Muhammad Ali, and Frank Bruno together for 1 minute extra with her.
But she has gone, it's scarred me. Stunted me. Stopped me. But I've battled through. You will to. It's not easy. But you will deal with it, never get over it...but deal

makinganavalon · 09/09/2021 22:02

Am going through this right now Feel so helpless, just want to go through it for her, take it away. So sorry you are going through this too As others have said, just trying to take a day at a time and make the best of time left

Nurse1980 · 09/09/2021 22:07

I’m so sorry, We went through the same thing (different cancer) with mum in January, she was also in Christie’s.
Huge hugs.

sydenhamhiller · 09/09/2021 22:37

Oh OP, I am so sorry. There is nothing to say, but I wanted to send my sympathy.

My mum was diagnosed with myeloma in late Feb, and then Plasma cell leukaemia 2 weeks later, and given 12 months.

They live 6 hours away and for covid related reasons, we had not been able to see them since the summer.

It was… is… awful. There is no way around it. I got some wonderful, kind, practical and helpful information from mumsnet. The most helpful was:

look after yourself too
contact organisations such as Macmillan, Marie curie and esp your local

Hospice.

My mum had terrible terrible care from her GP and district nurses, and as soon as I emailed her local hospice, they called me an hour later and the next day there was a respite care to give my dad a break. They got her pain under control for the first time in 5 months. So when you are able, do look them up.

Am sending you a big hug. And just one step at a time. X

BobbiPinsOn · 09/09/2021 22:54

Postivepants · 09/09/2021 23:18

Dear OP, like so many have said above and been able to relate, I too lost my mum Christmas 19. She was my absolute best friend in the whole wide world and even now doesn't seem real. You never get over it but you do slowly learn to live with it. Sending you and your mum big hugs 💞💞

Cocolapew · 09/09/2021 23:26

My Dad has bowel and lung cancer, they are separate cancers and the bowel one has spread everywhere, most noticeably his bones.
He's been remarkably well considering but I've noticed a decline this week. He's got weaker and for the first time sounds like he has something wrong with his lungs. He was given 3-6 months in the summer.
I hope your Mum is getting good care and remember to look after yourself too.

ElizabethTudor · 09/09/2021 23:30

@swizzells2003

Hi op, so sorry to hear about your Mum.
This thread might be helpful.
There’s a few of us in the same horrible position.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting_illness/4332263-Thread-for-those-who-have-a-parent-with-cancer?msgid=110623986#110623986

Cagedbirdsinging · 09/09/2021 23:34

Summerdayshaze · 09/09/2021 23:34

My mum died of cancer, four months after diagnosis. It still doesn’t seem real three years on. I’m so sorry.

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 09/09/2021 23:37

My Dad pass

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 09/09/2021 23:40

I hope you get the chance to tell your Mum anything you would otherwise wish you’d said. Thanking her for something she may have forgotten, telling her how much you valued something she once said, that sort of thing.

Also, please let her talk if she wants to. I wish I had had the courage to listen when my Mum wanted to speak about her death, which was close. Instead I gabbled “No no, you’re not going to die Mum, we’re getting the garden lovely for when you come home…”. She smiled gently and dropped the subject. I hope you won’t be left regretting you were too scared to listen if she wants to speak.

But mostly, I’m sure she is glad of your company and your love. I’m glad you both have loving family to support you. Sending love and sympathy in this painful time, and best wishes to you both.

repog · 09/09/2021 23:40

I'm sorry

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 09/09/2021 23:45

I'm so so sorry 💐 sending you hugs. I hope you can spend lots of time with your DM over the coming months, time is precious. I have been through similar and know how hard it is to cope, please allow yourself time to process everything. Stay strong when you can but also know it's ok to get upset and you need to feel all the feelings. Make the most of every day together

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