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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Workplace bullying less than a week in?

88 replies

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 12:15

Newly qualified healthcare professional. Ist job...i did a few shifts of bank at the beginning of the sumnmer holidays . On shift my phone went off as dd was in trouble. I apologised, put it on silent and didnt answer it.
Ever since i got comments such as
" do you have to reapply for the permanent role?"
"Are you sure you have done this before?"
General tutting.
I felt anxious over the summer as i had a feeling she'd make my life difficult.

So three days adter i returned...yesterday in fact she was in charge. I had a good day in 1 dept. I made 2 mistakes from the whole day on the new computer system...she came and chastised me..fair enough but i was a day into training...it took most people 3 wks to learn.
I followed her into the office to correct mistake with receptionist. She told me off for standing in the wrong place. Then told me " listen" in sharpish tones as i looked the wrong way...eg...at the receptionist. The receptionist reassured me that they made the same mistakes when they were learning.
Then i got told off again for making another mistake. She makes me so nervous. This is after working with a lovely seniour person all day who was v tolerant.

The other day we were joking about how people hate change and how annoying it is when they change fire alarms. I commented that i was used to the fire alarm going off on a Thursday in my old job and she snidely said in front of the entire office " well of course the fire alarm is on a different day in a different workplace." I have had a nervous tummy since working with her...ibs symptoms.
Worse...she's my mentor. I start my proper permanent contract in about a week and shes my mentor...how do i handleher?

I am triggered as i was bullied on my placements.

OP posts:
Flowers500 · 09/09/2021 17:09

She’s not bullying you, at worst she’s a little sharp and impatient. She’s probably frustrated at trying to mentor someone who takes everything so personally—think of it as her being knowledgeable and every time she corrects you or holds you to account for mistakes, she’s improving your work. Eventually she will just be saying good job. You need to have a bit of backbone and focus on doing your job well, not taking everything as an insult.

You say she’s only criticising you—that’s literally her job. You’re at work in a busy, high pressure environment, people can’t turn everything into a bad news sandwich for you any time you make an error.

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 17:17

Is it necessary to tell her off on where she is standing? Why can't she say, you might be able to see/hear better if you stand here? Or it's better to stand here as you'll be blocking a doorway/fire exit?

Original poster
malificent7 · 09/09/2021 17:24

Was it necessary for her to sneer at my comment to do with the fire alarms out of a work context and in front of other staff? I dont show her i take things personally btw....i just smile and say yes/ no/ sorry.

OP posts:
9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 17:28

I think she made herself look like a dick. Just smile and say I don't care that much. Just making conversation

MissyB1 · 09/09/2021 17:36

@9ofpentangles

Use your age as an advantage. I have come across these types before and it's a maturity issue. She may be good at her job in that she knows how to do it but she isn't good at mentoring .

Practice being assertive:

Yes, I can hear you, thank you
What exactly do you mean by that?
Look around and say, Why, am I in the way if I stand here?
We've all got to start somewhere, haven't we?
We are all adults here
We all learn at different rates
Bear with me, I will soon get the hang of it. I have plenty of life experience and transferable skills to draw on

Whatever you do, don't respond like a timid child. Respond like an adult

Yes al of these! A confident smile and a confident tone of voice. Challenge politely and look her straight in the eye. Do not appear cowed or nervous. Her type are rife in the NHS unfortunately. One in every department, they don’t pick on the people who stand up to them.
cocktailclub · 09/09/2021 17:48

In my experience there are more bullies in nursing roles than in most other professions. Nasty people who try to make others feel bad to increase their own ego. Was so glad when I left the NHS.

myheartskippedabeat · 09/09/2021 22:25

Report her this is unacceptable

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 10/09/2021 03:58

The people saying its 'not bullying' .... Just because YOU are judging it from written text...

Only the OP knows how it makes her feel. Bullies thrive on power.

It's the tone of communication, it's the frequency of this sort of tone, and the type of situation. It's the type of comment which is bullying behaviour.

It's really really difficult to be massively assertive, once this has started to grind you down, bullies ' impact is cancerous.

LaBellina · 10/09/2021 05:32

If it what the OP described isn’t bullying then I wonder where people draw the line.
Fysical violence Confused?
IMO any behavior that is done to intentionally make someone else feel miserable, smaller and insecure, is bullying.
I am pretty sure that what is happening to the OP is done on purpose.

Luobogao · 10/09/2021 05:48

@malificent7

Was it necessary for her to sneer at my comment to do with the fire alarms out of a work context and in front of other staff? I dont show her i take things personally btw....i just smile and say yes/ no/ sorry.
But you've decided she 'sneered'. It could easily have been a completely innocuous comment. Alternatively, she's (shock horror) not perfect at human interactions either.

I'm also not seeing bullying in what you're describing. She may well be brusk, she may well not be very good at mentoring but to suggest it's bullying this early into a job seems extreme. Bullying is a pattern of behaviour and all you seem to really have is that you don't like her and you've decided she doesn't like you.

Given your acknowledged sensitivity (and your posting history where you say is a repeated issue both in this job and your previous career), I agree that this may be more about resilience than one individual. It's understandable but this focus on whether or not people are bulling you, whether or not they are treating you differently to others and whether or not you know how to 'play the game' must be mentally exhausting for you.

Absolutely there are horrible people around but also equally not everything is about you and not everything is targeted at you. People have bad days, can be under stress or need to get better at certain aspects of their job (eg soft skills around mentoring). I agree with a previous poster, in high pressure environments it's not always possible to coach all criticism into the 'shit sandwich' method (which I personally hate to be on the receiving end of anyway but everyone's different).

Wilkolampshade · 10/09/2021 06:36

I had a manager throw a large, hard, card archive box with nice sharp metal corners at me once...He was a big guy and a surprisingly good shot. Literally had to jump out the way.
(Work for myself now.)

chocolateorangeinhaler · 10/09/2021 06:47

Does your trust have speak up guardians ? If so they will listen and investigate on your behalf.
There are some lovely nurses out there but some absolutely rude nasty ones too. They need reporting but people are always too scared to. So they get away with it again and again. Please write down every time she says something derogatory, where it happened and who was witness. She may be able to talk herself out of one incident but she won't be able to talk herself out of a pattern of behavior.
Intimidating you for not knowing something when she does really shows she's not the person to lead the team effectively. Don't bitch or gossip about her to others. Just have a stock reply of "yes, of course" to every comment from her. Don't retaliate under any circumstances. I've been in your place at times. It's very lonely but it won't last but please ask HR if they can put you in contact with your speak up guardian.

girlmom21 · 10/09/2021 07:11

@malificent7

Was it necessary for her to sneer at my comment to do with the fire alarms out of a work context and in front of other staff? I dont show her i take things personally btw....i just smile and say yes/ no/ sorry.
It depends on what actually happened with that conversation. I've been mentoring people who've made various obvious errors through the day and rather than them revisiting their training materials, for example, in their downtime they've sat talking rubbish with colleagues and it's pretty annoying.

It wouldn't excuse sneering but it could've been her way of shutting down a pointless conversation so people can get on with their jobs.

MakeMineALarge1 · 10/09/2021 07:14

@chocoateorangeinhaler FTSU Guardians do not investigate, they support the person who raises the concern to ensure they are not treated unfairly in the subsequent investigation.

None of this sounds like bullying, but only you know how you feel and if you feel you are being treated unfairly and singled out then you need to raise it.

You are however saying you have been repeatedly bullied, you are using terms such as PTSD ( have you been officially diagnosed with this or are you self diagnosing? ) You said you worried all summer - it sounds like self fulfilling prophecy to me - you thought it would go wrong therefore you interpret every situation to prove yourself right.

user1471462428 · 10/09/2021 07:20

I was sent on the assertiveness and resilience course by the a horrendous nhs manager who bullied me and others tirelessly. It made me realise that I needed to leave. There’s a culture of bullying in the nhs. It’s okay to find that unacceptable, it’s okay to leave. You don’t need to learn to tolerate it or join in. Just leave.

a8mint · 10/09/2021 07:38

Join the union

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 10/09/2021 07:44

I’ve just left an AHP role due to workplace bullying. I’ll never go back to the same role. I actually think I’ll need counselling to get over it. Sorry, it’s probably not what you want to hear. The NHS is rife for it and now they’ve identified you as an easy target then watch out. Consider moving to a different department if possible.

MakeMineALarge1 · 10/09/2021 07:59

I have been in the NHS over 10 years, maybe I have been lucky but worked on a ward, community and ICU and have never seen bullying.

I have seen people who have been pulled up over things pull the bullying card though.

I am not saying it doesn't go on.

QueenBee52 · 10/09/2021 11:55

It's very difficult to show/express treatment of bullying in a few lines on Mumsnet... It takes notes records a paper trail of Dates Times Conversations.. a pattern of behaviour needs to be shown and if you are really lucky .. witnesses willing to come forward to speak up for you...

So writing off OP's descriptions of her bullying experience after reading a few pages on here.. sadly just shows how difficult it is to prove and how little support people get IRL...

OP I think regardless of some unsupportive comments.. that if you believe you are being treated unfairly.. then for your own peace of mind... Keep very clear and concise notes .. It might help you clear up and establish one way or the other.. if what you believe is happening to you is in fact bullying...

I hope today is better.... if not get your day down in writing 🌸

Luobogao · 10/09/2021 15:34

I don't think it does. She's been in the job 7 days - there has simply not been enough time for it to be bullying. As you've said, bullying is a pattern of behaviour. Jumping to bullying this quickly (plus the posting history of suggesting bullying or similar in every job/placement) suggests that a lot of this is the OP's traumatic past impacting how she views her current work interactions.

It's of course possible that this is the start of bullying but so far, this just looks like someone whose personality the OP doesn't like.

amylou8 · 10/09/2021 15:54

Is English her first language? I'm fluent in a second language, but I'm aware I can come across abrubt sometimes because I'm not a native speaker.

QueenBee52 · 10/09/2021 17:22

@Luobogao

I don't think it does. She's been in the job 7 days - there has simply not been enough time for it to be bullying. As you've said, bullying is a pattern of behaviour. Jumping to bullying this quickly (plus the posting history of suggesting bullying or similar in every job/placement) suggests that a lot of this is the OP's traumatic past impacting how she views her current work interactions.

It's of course possible that this is the start of bullying but so far, this just looks like someone whose personality the OP doesn't like.

in your opinion

Booknooks · 10/09/2021 17:31

Going by your other threads OP, I don't want to sound rude but I do agree with a PP that perhaps getting some support yourself will help.

Original poster
malificent7 · 10/09/2021 22:31

So I have had some time to reflect and ive decided that it's me...not her. We clash personality wise but ultimatetly it's her hob to teach ne and my job too listen. I admire her professionally so I will get on with it.

( tough for a girl like me.)

OP posts:
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