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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Workplace bullying less than a week in?

88 replies

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 12:15

Newly qualified healthcare professional. Ist job...i did a few shifts of bank at the beginning of the sumnmer holidays . On shift my phone went off as dd was in trouble. I apologised, put it on silent and didnt answer it.
Ever since i got comments such as
" do you have to reapply for the permanent role?"
"Are you sure you have done this before?"
General tutting.
I felt anxious over the summer as i had a feeling she'd make my life difficult.

So three days adter i returned...yesterday in fact she was in charge. I had a good day in 1 dept. I made 2 mistakes from the whole day on the new computer system...she came and chastised me..fair enough but i was a day into training...it took most people 3 wks to learn.
I followed her into the office to correct mistake with receptionist. She told me off for standing in the wrong place. Then told me " listen" in sharpish tones as i looked the wrong way...eg...at the receptionist. The receptionist reassured me that they made the same mistakes when they were learning.
Then i got told off again for making another mistake. She makes me so nervous. This is after working with a lovely seniour person all day who was v tolerant.

The other day we were joking about how people hate change and how annoying it is when they change fire alarms. I commented that i was used to the fire alarm going off on a Thursday in my old job and she snidely said in front of the entire office " well of course the fire alarm is on a different day in a different workplace." I have had a nervous tummy since working with her...ibs symptoms.
Worse...she's my mentor. I start my proper permanent contract in about a week and shes my mentor...how do i handleher?

I am triggered as i was bullied on my placements.

OP posts:

Original poster

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 14:18

Well yes...i'm not denying i do have people problems in the workplace....seeing as some people seem to take an avid interest in my issues.
But i have genuinely been bullied before so i am on high alert. ...perhaps paranoia...perhaps ptsd...either way i want it to change. I do have a very anxious tummy atm if u know what i mean but i do take anti anxiety meds so am tackling it.

OP posts:

LaBellina · 09/09/2021 14:23

She sounds like a proper nightmare.
First of all I think you need go trough your memories as you have done in your op and write everything nasty she did so far down, preferably with date and time indications if you remember them. Also write down the names of any coworkers that were there and possibly overheard/ saw what happened.
Then go to HR.

She sounds so miserable that I am sure it’s nothing personal against you and she has probably behaved in this way before to other trainees / coworkers as well. It would surprise me if HR doesn’t already know about her ways of behavior.

Original poster

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 14:29

Well according to posters sge's normal and i'm the one taking it personally...this is where i get confused. I was badly bullied at school as a child and i do wonder if im hyper vigilant since. I might have to go to therapy....again. at least to build resiliance.

OP posts:

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 14:33

What do your co-workers think of her?

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 14:34

I had a boss like this and everyone thought he was a wanker

QueenBee52 · 09/09/2021 14:34

@malificent7

this is your real life situation...

take the advice that helps you.. ignore what is not helpful..

Record everything and do what you need to do to rectify this..

you can do this..

lastqueenofscotland · 09/09/2021 14:37

The conversation you’ve listed really doesn’t sound that bad to me….
She told you to listen as you were turning away as she was talking to you and told you to ask if you weren’t sure?

The NHS has a lot of dicks working for it but this sounds like a you problem tbh OP.

Original poster

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 14:38

So is her behaviour normal or am i abnormal? Will keep notes and see if there's a pattern.

OP posts:

Original poster

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 14:39

I agree that i do have issues at work...just what to do about it?

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 09/09/2021 14:40

@malificent7

So is her behaviour normal or am i abnormal? Will keep notes and see if there's a pattern.

If you think strangers on a public form know better than you.. and are able to tell you this isn't happening... then stop taking notes..

if you believe it IS happening.. then keep taking notes..

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 14:42

Telling someone to 'listen' is a bit like a parent or teacher scolding a child. I don't think many people would want that in a workplace. I have witnesses this with a lot of younger colleagues and got it myself when I was young (not now I am over 50 !) I wonder if you are quite young and not very confident as this sometimes attracts this kind of behaviour from certain types of people.

FAD2016 · 09/09/2021 14:43

She isn’t (or should be) your mentor. Mentors are meant to be chosen by the mentee not assigned. Speak to HR

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 14:44

By mentor, do you mean she is training you? I do this and I particularly get the younger ones as I am the same age as their mum and they (allegedly) look up to me

If so, it sounds as if her role is bigged up to be more important than it is and it's gone to her head.

maffhew · 09/09/2021 14:45

What people are perhaps not understanding here is that it's not necessarily what she says it's how it's said, her tone, how she looks at you.

MadisonMontgomery · 09/09/2021 14:45

TBH that conversation doesn’t sound like bullying to me. Honestly if I were you I would give it a chance - try not to see being corrected as her being nasty, take feedback on board, and see how you feel in a few weeks. If you genuinely still feel it is bullying, then speak to your line manager or another colleague for support.

Recessed · 09/09/2021 14:45

People do this to the "nicer" types as they interpret it as weakness and can exploit it to feed their ego. If this is something you have repeatedly experienced of course you're going to be hyper vigilant to it and it will have knocked your confidence so I would try building that up. Reading up on assertiveness and practicing stock responses to say her arsey comments.

I'm not blaming you by the way. These people are horrid and if it continues/escalates by all means you should keep a log/ report to HR. But I would try biting back first as the majority of the time these people stop when they realise you won't take it and then they move along to the next victim. Congratulations on your new job - don't let this one person ruin it for you

Original poster

malificent7 · 09/09/2021 15:13

I am 43...she's a lot younger and she is excellent at her job btw...i want to learn so i dont know why i feel like this.

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 09/09/2021 15:36

@malificent7

I am 43...she's a lot younger and she is excellent at her job btw...i want to learn so i dont know why i feel like this.

you know she's excellent at her job? I thought you'd only been there a week ?

girlmom21 · 09/09/2021 15:41

She's not bullying you. Nothing you've said suggests bullying.

She does seem a bit sharp. Be more assertive and firm in your responses. Have a little more confidence in your ability.

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 16:17

Use your age as an advantage. I have come across these types before and it's a maturity issue. She may be good at her job in that she knows how to do it but she isn't good at mentoring .

Practice being assertive:

Yes, I can hear you, thank you
What exactly do you mean by that?
Look around and say, Why, am I in the way if I stand here?
We've all got to start somewhere, haven't we?
We are all adults here
We all learn at different rates
Bear with me, I will soon get the hang of it. I have plenty of life experience and transferable skills to draw on

Whatever you do, don't respond like a timid child. Respond like an adult

Catatemyhomework · 09/09/2021 16:37

Op, I've worked with people like this and something I've learned over the years is to be disarmingly nice. They don't expect it and it throws them. Try not to look nervous. Be polite and kind if necessary go OTT and say things like "oh thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain". It wrong foots them and most people find it hard to be nasty to people who are nice in my experience.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 09/09/2021 16:44

@malificent7

So is her behaviour normal or am i abnormal? Will keep notes and see if there's a pattern.

Normal for arseholes.

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 16:48

Love it

Catatemyhomework · 09/09/2021 16:53

I worked in a factory laboratory doing a research project once and the laboratory manager was a dragon to me even though she wasn't my line manager. She criticised everything I did, never included me in team meetings and was always so rude. It made me cry. In the end I realised she was a narcissist and I played to that. I used to complement her and be really nice to her. Eventually she started being nice to me! 😊

Drinkyourweaklemondrink · 09/09/2021 17:04

For the last year I have worked with a colleague like this. She also had a group of colleagues that were "in favour"
There was an incredibly high turnover due to ill health moving to new teams. I thought it was just me being unlikable.
I bumped Into one of the people who had also moved teams and she mentioned that she felt victimised. As did the other 4
When people think it's just them... that's when systemic bullying continues.
So sorry you have had this experience

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