to have severe doubts about 'Help Me Love My Baby'

[onebatmother]

moving, yes. Without question, a great thing for women who are suffering severe pnd to know that there are others out there.

But for the babies concerned?

They can't consent. And how will they respond, in future years, to this potentially devastating record of their early years?

Will the mother also have regrets.?

I understand that the taboo must be broken. But perhaps the price is too high?

sorry have added you xx

hi i have not posted on here before but i would like to be added as friend? in think that i have a form of pnd and would like to chat to anyone who doenst think i am mad? lol

Hi Zoe,

I watched the programme last night, and all I kept thinking was "what a lovely mother" - it was so brilliant to see the bond between you and Izzy developing, and I think that if she sees it in later life she'll be so proud of you. She's a gorgeous girl, by the way!

thanks hab she is gorgeous!! santa just search for me and add me as a friend i will give you my email addy and you can mail me xxx

I thought it was absolutely brilliant

Have posted on the other thread, but I thought it was brilliant too. And just reading through this thread the penny has dropped re my mum's awful pnd with my brother, of course, she was dealing with her early childhood too. I'd never really seen that before. Zoe, I think you are amazing and I think Izzy will watch that programme as an adult and see how determined you were that you had a good relationship with her. Agree with everyone, she is a gorgeous girl. Lots of love to you all

very true shreddies i have no idea what my moms relationship with my nan was and it upset me a bit to thing it wasnt good as i lived with my nan for 5 years from the age of 12 she died from a long battle with alzheimers in 2004 and it devastated me although my mother didnt shed a tear at her funeral which i always thought was odd, and unfortunatly i obviously cant ask my nan what life was like for her back then. i do feel sorry for my mom but as she has a personality disorder and alcohol problem it means she will never accept responsibility for any wrong doing which meant we could never move forward x

hi the words below are amandas email to me after me saying i felt like crying all day yesterday how lovely is she !!

Your emotional reaction makes so much sense to me - such an achievement for you and Izzy but juxtaposed with the reality that you would not have chosen for anything to have to go through this. You've turned a tragic situation into something very creative. I feel so proud of you for that. I expect you're shattered - or is that me projecting!! I've been a bit overwhelmed and emotional too

zoena, wanted to just add to what i said earlier in threas you are a remarkable, brave, candid woman and talking and breaking the taboo and stigma of PND is to be applauded. i wish you and your daughter all the very best now and in the future

Hi Zoe - again just wanting to add my thanks for a great programme. Your courage and bravery made me realise that whilst I thought I had overcome my pnd (nearly 4 years on) I hadn't dealt with the crux of the problem (bad relationship with mother, no bonding with her etc). I still get counselling once a month but have been kidding myself that if I make my counsellor believe I am okay then I must be. I now realise that I am not, and that I will not be until I deal with my ongoing problems.

Am seeing my counsellor on Friday and have now written everything down so that I don't "back out"!

I know it won't be easy, but your programme has given me the courage to deal with the more deeper set problems rather than the symptoms (pnd/depression).

Thank you

BBx

well done you!! good luck honesty is the best policy xx

zoe, hi. i can't believe that i missed your posts on this thread! i only read the first couple, then felt compelled to go and watch your programme on 'catch up'tv...so i missed your posts. i wouldnt have been so rude as to post and ignore you, if i'd read the whole thing.

i think you are very brave. you and your lovely daughter made me cry.

i too found it harder to bond with me second daughter, but not to the same degree. thankyou for being brave enough to tell your story. i am sure that it will help many people.

take care x

I agree that it did cross my mind to worry for the child watching the program in the future. However, I also found the program really moving and relevant. The issue of mothers not bonding instantly with their babies is often totally ignored. Many women struggle to seek help and as a result face long term difficulties in their relationship with their child. This program at least showed that this issue is a very real and devastating one. I totally sympathised with the woman on the program having also suffered terrible bonding problem with my dd after a traumatic birth. I sought counselling and thankfully have a great bond with her now. I still look back with bitterness, guilt and regret though for all the time I spent not feeling able to love her and not being able to enjoy just being a mum. Hopefully programs like this will help other women to seek help if motherhood is not the wonderful dream we are all brought up to expect.

Is it any more embarrassing or hurtful for the child to see that, than those in The House of Tiny Tearaways? where many of the childrens problems stem from parental instability and arguments.
I don't think so... at least a child watching this will realise that their mother was ill, couldn't help their feelings and can therefore rationalise their possible insecurities which have stemmed from childhood. Thats if they ever actually see it at all. How many documentaries have been screened again from 10-15yrs ago? The only obvious one was child of our time by Dr Winston which was designed as a progression observation of children over several years.

and as redfraggle said exactly the same for me re the PND, bonding and guilt.

It was really moving to watch, amazing to see the was your baby responded at first to amanda, and then to you Zoena, as you worked out how to share and talk with her. It made to cry to think how many babies must be suffering and feeling scared and shut off because no-one has really helped their mums through PND, and how scared you must have felt seeing your daughter look away from you. You are so brave an amazing, and so is your family. I think if I was your baby girl I would look back with joy and relief at the program, as she learns to love and trust and look to you for love and security. It was sooooo nice to see her communicating with you, and you with her. well done.

Sorry zoena, didn't realise the documentary star was on mn or would have posted to you. .
I just want to reiterate what everyone else said. You have been inspirational. I sat watching in tears as it made me relive and evaluate how I felt when my own daughter was born. Thankfully my PND was not so severe but there were lots of similarities.
Well done x

Quick post to you Zoe, not sure if you are still around. Further to my earlier post, saw counsellor earlier and almost didn't say anything but showed her my written stuff and we are, shall I say, "delving deeper"! Feeling positive tonight and things are getting clearer.

Many many thanks again. I hope you are proud of your programme. You truly should be.

BBx

Zoe, if you are still around, well done.

I have been commissioned to write a book aimed at 'normal' mums (ie not academics or medical professionals) on surviving birth trauma, PND, family and bonding issues. I would love to talk to you if you are still interested in talking about this and you're not sick of it! I'll be in touch via your Facebook page.

I will also be posting a request in the Media case studies page about the book over the next few days if anyone else is interested in talking to me. (Completely anonymously, by the way).

hi join my face book by all means!! i am glad to help in anyway i can x bernie that is a great idea writing things down i do it now as i dont see amanda anymore and i find it really helps me rationalize my feelings i did sometimes do it then take it to amanda and read it out or let her read it if i was too scared!!

i don't think all mums who don't seek help "can't be bothered" as someone said down below. a lot of women don't think what they feel is serious enough to be pnd. and then they think the baby is too old to have pnd. and it goes untreated and can get worse as the child gets older.

me and my mum have a somewhat violent relationship. i had a brother and i have a sister and she's only like it with me. my dad left her when i was tiny and believe she probably suffered pnd and this is where it stems from. as a result i have grown up thinking this is entirely normal. when i got into my teens i realised it wasn't normal and started to lash out towards my mother i am not proud of this and it is inexcusable.

i wonder at times wonder if i have pnd. i never enjoyed ds as a baby. i couldn't wait til he would be old enough to crawl around and not cry every time i left the room. i resented the fact he wanted me to spend all the time by his side and i couldn't do what i wanted i had to do what he wanted. he's now 17 months and i have more good days than bad days with him but i do find it really hard being on my own with him. i don't like playing with him at home - i find it incredibly dull. i still want to just chill out on the computer or whatever. he spends most days on his own in another room i try to make myself go out with him cos i enjoy him much more then but if i'm not meeting anyone then it doesn't seem to happen.

watching this programme really made me feel i need to do something to sort this out but i want to try and do it on my own.

i did also worry about the child watching this as an older person but if left til they are mature enough it should be ok. and i'd much sooner any child have a happy relationship with their mum and have it shown on tv how they got there than have a terrible one like i do with my mum.

i also didn't like those experiments that they did with the 2 girls that made them doubt their progress. don't think it was a good way of helping them feel confidence in how far they had come.

i read somewhere - cant remember where - that the girls had negative comments written about them - saying lots of women had pnd, it wasn't anything special and they were just trying to achieve stardom from it how utterly pathetic of these mothers to slate another mother like that. i hope they never go through cos then they will know how hard it is. i would like to say i hope they do go through it so they take the words back but i wouldn't wish it on anyone - not even thoughtless people like that.