to have severe doubts about 'Help Me Love My Baby'

[onebatmother]

moving, yes. Without question, a great thing for women who are suffering severe pnd to know that there are others out there.

But for the babies concerned?

They can't consent. And how will they respond, in future years, to this potentially devastating record of their early years?

Will the mother also have regrets.?

I understand that the taboo must be broken. But perhaps the price is too high?

She seemed great to me - the right mix of empathetic, warm and a great listener

i am so glad that you are doing well - how nice to get a real life update like this - thank you

both your DDs are lovely

hope you all have a great Xmas!

You were amazing and so brave, I cried lots of tears for you and Izzy and am so pleased there was a good outcome. Your girls are gorgeous and you are doing a terrific job.

god zoe - inspirational! x

Dear zoena

Can't believe I didn't consider that you'd read this - how crap of me.

I really hope that you don?t think my reservations were about you, or about your decision to take part. As I said in one of my posts, I think you are a remarkable woman. I found your honesty incredibly moving, and I was crying through most of the programme.

In your situation, given the choice of televised therapy or none at all, of course I would have chosen the former. And of course it is better for Izzie to have the wonderful relationship you have now, than not.

I?m very glad that it?s been such a positive experience for you, and answers my question so well.

i took no offense to your posts so dont worry!! i understand that some may have found that part difficult and its was a shame the programme didnt point that out that i just happened to come across the help being offered! if i hadnt who knows what might have happened!!! in my area there is no parent infant mental health help until the child is 5 can you imagine what we both would of been like by the time that came around it is unimaginable, i really want to try and look into campaigning for it being routine to offer at least 20 sessions everywhere as although some nhs trusts do offer it, it is max of 6 sessions which would have been pointless for me xx

Not sure why but I feel the need to share this, I was going to name change but I can't be arsed.

My relationship with my mum was a bit difficult because firstly she was an older mother from a different culture and also because she was working so much when I was a kid so I didn't really get to spend much time with her and when I did she was pretty strict and tense. Looking back I know it's because she was under so much pressure to keep things going and it wasn't her fault but at the time it was hard.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had morning sickness for the whole nine months and then when I went into labour her head was facing the wrong way so labour went on for three days and I ended up with pretty bad tearing. During labour the machines kept breaking down and they kept saying she was dead because they couldn't find a heartbeat and there was a monitor screwed into her skull via my vagina and the wires strapped to my leg for the whole three days.

The day after she was born my leg swelled up and went really hard and they thought I had a dvt, so I had to stop breastfeeding because of the drugs they were using to dissolve the clot which would have transferred to the baby, I was also forced to lie flat on my back and not allowed to pick her up at all - I had to wait for someone to hand her to me, it was awful.

After 10 days I was well enough to go home but still in a lot of pain and because my mum and my husband had taken over most of the care of her they continued to do so at home and she just didn't respond positively to me at all. It seemed that she liked anyone better than me which was really hard to take and so gradually it got so that I was glad when people wanted to take her for a cuddle because it seemed to make her happier than I could and so we never got to make the emotional link and the distancing just got worse and worse, I found it harder and harder to cuddle her or show her affection although I did care for and look after her.

As she got older, she got more demanding attentionwise and I just couldn't deal with it, she wound me up no end although thankfully I never hurt her, she became the sort of kid that was a nightmare and friends would ask me not to bring her if I went to visit. Of course the more I wasn't able to respond to her, the worse her behaviour became and by the time she was 14 she had attacked me with a knife, thrown an iron at my head, was in trouble with police etc etc etc.

Eventually she started turning the anger on herself and self harming, cutting herself very deeply and overdosing and that's pretty much where we are now, although she's 17 and been in a therapeutic community for the last 18 months and she is a lot lot better. We're also getting on better now although it is still difficult at times but we had family therapy today and I brought up the tv prog from last night and we talked about it a bit, although my daughter dismissed it as rubbish, it's given her and the therapists (who thought it was very relevant) something to think about. We even went out on our own afterwards and had a coffee in Starbucks (her favourite place at the moment) and had a really nice afternoon together which is a huge step forward.

Somehow I feel much better and more positive about things after seeing Zoe last night.

i must just say as well to anyone who has pnd talk to you partner, dave had no idea how bad i was and cried after the programme and said he wished i had told him more but i was so scared he would do a runner i couldnt but his support through my therapy was tremendous so tell your man they may suprise you at how caring they can be and i should know as dave is what we like to call your typical bloke to outsiders!!

Zoena,
I watched the programme last night and remarked to my dh that you have most likely helped countless women in the same situation as you to go out and seek help.

You are tremendously brave. I wish you the best.

am sorry i missed this programme, am about to watch it on virgin 'catch up tv', if anyone's interested

no way, i can't believe they've made a bloody reality show about this. i had PND for over a year, and what women desperately need is more support, more counselling, not a stint in the public eye when they're at their most vulnerable. I think the programme makers should have donated their budget to a pnd charity instead. But then i haven't seen it, and i suppose if i had seen it when i had PND it might have helped me through. and i wouldn't want to deny any woman anything that would help her.

no way, i can't believe they've made a bloody reality show about this. i had PND for over a year, and what women desperately need is more support, more counselling, not a stint in the public eye when they're at their most vulnerable. I think the programme makers should have donated their budget to a pnd charity instead. But then i haven't seen it, and i suppose if i had seen it when i had PND it might have helped me through. and i wouldn't want to deny any woman anything that would help her.

ah fatbelly jones it is never to late to sort things out if the fundamentals are there you both can do it ! at least you are both trying to move forward and face up to things i so hope it all works out for you both xx

yummers, I think it was a very important programme, it opened up a taboo subject and will hopefully encourage women in similar situations to seek help.

Thanks Zoe.. we're working on it. I posted my story I suppose partly so that people can see how important it is to seek help as soon as they realise they don't feel right.

yummers i feel for you but you really should watch something before having an opinion i dont class my programme as a reality show to be honest it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my whole life x not sure most would compare it to the likes of big brother!!!

Zoena, I work as a volunteer for homestart and have supported several mums living with PND. You are now my hero.

What you did on telly yesterday helped sooooooo many people. I cannot tell you how deeply your programme touched me. I talked tonight with my son's about how my mum was unable to show me love as a child and how seeing you yesterday made me realise that she must have been dealing with rejection herself.

I really, really, really have nothing but admiration for you. What a gorgeous family you have.

Thanks.

I agree, not 'reality telly' but a pukka documentary. Excellent stuff.

zo, i'd get that deleted by MNHQ, tbh. you'll just get HEAPS of junk mail. press the exclamation mark and then reprint it if you want leaving loads of spaces and spelling out the at and the dots.

Zoena as i said earlier i thought you were very very brave to do this, even admitting to yourself you dont feel right towards your baby is a massive step but to do what you did has helped so many other mums who feel like this.

Glad the fruitshoot comment was explained - just my silly joke im afraid!

Do you keep contact with the therapist after the progamme and can i ask what "aftercare" they give? (Am a nosy bird sorry!)xx

yeah i do the filming finished in august but as i had missed so many sessions through being on and off in hospital and they wanted me to have 40 in total so i stopped going in october and i have a follow up session after xmas and me and amanda talk on the phone and text and email each other so she is always there. that was quite scary actually thinking once my last session was over that was it and what if i slipped and there was no one there to help but she has and always will be fantastic!!!

sorry should of said during the course of the year of therapy i had a d and c for retained products of conception, a laparoscopy that diagnosed endometriosis (we tried for izzy for ten months) two lots of steriod injections for nerve entrapment on my section scar and two wisdom teeth took out under general so i had all that going on whilst filming!! dont know how i survivied lol xxx

ps sorry to keep going on am off to bed now i have a face,,,, book page if anyone would like to be my friend? x zoe hicks

Sorry for disappearing before.. I'd like to add you on facebook if that's ok?

I didnt see the program (I have an exam this week - was revising!)

But glad to see PND being broached. I had it with all of my kids - went down at 3 days with dd1 and pretty much didnt come up for 5 years - was on antid's through 2 more pregnancies and had several suicide attempts - it was a ghastly time for us all. I have been off the medication for 2.5 years now and have a great realtionship with my children.

Well done for raising the issue Zoe. It needs more talking about, its so taboo, and it shouldn't be (btw my relationship with my mother was also at the root of my problems, esp with dd2, my dc3)

hi fbj thats fine xx just put a message about who you are xx