AIBU - to want more menopause success stories ?

[MamaNorth]

It's great we are now discussing the menopause more. But it's all doom and gloom. Those who 'sailed through' are generally told to shut up.

So BOAST TO ME about how you sailed through the meno, and why you think you did?

I'm 47 without any signs so far.......

I already do daily exercise, meditate, eat low carb, take vits. I drink too much but am trying to cut back.
Anything else I should add now?

Note that I'm not saying menopause isn't difficult for a lot of women, and of course those women deserve the best medical care if appropriate. But attributing everything that happens to women in their 40s and 50s to 'hormones' is regressive in my view.

It's quite a complicated issue I think.

One of the complicating factors is that the medical establishment has historically been quite backwards about female-specific health issues, because the whole of science and the medical community is largely run by and geared towards men. So its a good thing, in my view, if doctors are starting to take menopause alongside other issues which primarily affect women seriously.

But the whole "menopausing" thing -- turning it into the next thing for female celebrities to turn into copy for the Daily Mail and Loose Women, is nauseating because it fuels the existing perception that women are no more than the particular stage they have reached in their reproductive journey.

If the whole celebrity bandwagon makes it easier to have a serious discussion about women's health then so be it. But I don't want to feel that every conversation I have with a female friend is dominated by endless self-pity about the menopause. If we're using it as another excuse for limiting ourselves and defining ourselves around our hormones we're not learning anything from the past 50 or so years.

Yes, I do think we need to separate the actual health and medical side from the evident bandwaggoning sleb bit.
Call me old-fashioned but I'd prefer to hear about my nethers crumbling from my lovely female gynaecologist than Davina McCall.

@thepeopleversuswork

Note that I'm not saying menopause isn't difficult for a lot of women, and of course those women deserve the best medical care if appropriate. But attributing everything that happens to women in their 40s and 50s to 'hormones' is regressive in my view.

It's quite a complicated issue I think.

One of the complicating factors is that the medical establishment has historically been quite backwards about female-specific health issues, because the whole of science and the medical community is largely run by and geared towards men. So its a good thing, in my view, if doctors are starting to take menopause alongside other issues which primarily affect women seriously.

But the whole "menopausing" thing -- turning it into the next thing for female celebrities to turn into copy for the Daily Mail and Loose Women, is nauseating because it fuels the existing perception that women are no more than the particular stage they have reached in their reproductive journey.

If the whole celebrity bandwagon makes it easier to have a serious discussion about women's health then so be it. But I don't want to feel that every conversation I have with a female friend is dominated by endless self-pity about the menopause. If we're using it as another excuse for limiting ourselves and defining ourselves around our hormones we're not learning anything from the past 50 or so years.

Yes I agree with all that.

We've gone from a time where the menopause was hushed up, to one where it's practically being shouted from the rooftops.

And yes, it seems like just another way to define and pigeonhole women according to their age, which for me is a step backwards.

And you mentioned self-pity. Is it just me or does it seem to be the case, especially on MN, that being female is equated with constant suffering and hardship? To me, again, that seems regressive.

I had straightforward menopause early 50s and glibly thought my workouts and a good diet we're getting me through then boom. Fifty eight now and in the last nine months my hair has started to fail out, weight refuses to shift, atrophy, it's like looking at my grandad in the mirror, hot flushes came back with a vengeance, sleepless nights and anxiety.

I don't know who I am any more, I feel like I have aged 10 years and lost all of my confidence. I've started HRT 3 weeks ago and am waiting to see what happens. No hot flushes for a week though so fingers crossed.

I know some people feel the menopause talk is over the top but I was busy braving it out and the Davina programme made me contact my GP.

"Davina McCall, Marcella Frostrup and Meg Mathews"

I suppose as 'Presenter" people they have made careers out of "Look at me!" activity, including "Look at my personal situation!" presenting.

People who don't have much to say aren't the ones you ever hear from.

I can't remember a time when I didn't know menopause could be tough. Kind of amused at people who are suprised about it being tough; kind of amused that peri(menop) can't be bothered to bother me, (yet?)

I'm glad people are talking about the menopause because I for one was woefully ill-informed. It does feel though that this is now getting developing into the same competitiveness that accompanies childbirth - look at me I had no pain relief, look at me I had no menopause symptoms.

Why can't we just accept that a focus on women's health issues, whatever they may be, is generally a good thing given the lack of attention previously and accept that everyone's experiences are different but still valid.

Why can't we just accept that a focus on women's health issues, whatever they may be, is generally a good thing given the lack of attention previously and accept that everyone's experiences are different but still valid.

I have no problem with a focus on women's health issues -- I am all for that.

What I dislike is the magnification of attention around women's issues that basically revolve around their reproductive cycle which has the effect of suggesting that women's lives are no more than the sum total of this.

I also think, as @IcedPurple says, that there's a streak of self-pity about the female condition which extends to the menopause which I find depressing and disempowering. It has unpleasant overtones to me of that whole idea that being female is a life of burden and suffering. It has always creeped me out and I want as much distance between myself and that mindset as possible.

I also am just really bored of having to have conversations about it.

I’ve found the menopause so far worse than I expected. When I was about 48 I had 10 months with no periods and absolutely terrible night sweats, some went on for 40 minutes . I persevered thinking it couldn’t get worse and it’s good not to have periods snd I must be entering menopause. Then bam, my periods came back, the night sweats disappeared over night and what came in it’s place was a rage, agitated feeling, it was mainly directed at my DH. Each month I had this mood for about a week. After a couple of months I went to the doctors about this and also a back and shoulder pain and insomnia. I thought all three were unrelated, luckily I had a locum doctor who was my age and had been on lots of courses and training about the menopause. She prescribed Oestrogel and explained in may take a couple of months to work. That was three years ago and I haven’t had any night sweats, if I drink alcohol I occasional find a hot flush breaks through. I drink so little I think it effects me a lot. My skin is lovely and my hair is thick and shiny. I don’t know if it’s the HRT. I haven’t had a period since October and am 52 so really hope this time they don’t come back. I remember a lady who worked in Holland and Barrett telling me she had symptoms for about 10 years so it really does show how every one is so different.

I’m finding this thread quite dismissive of women who struggle with perimenopause symptoms. There’s an undertone of ‘making a fuss’ and ‘attention seeking’.

If you’re finding it a breed just thank your lucky stars and don’t kick others when they’re down.

A breeze!

"given the lack of attention previously"

was there a lack of attention... ?

I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't know that women's fertility declines with age, especially after age 35, or that menopause can be tough. Yet I often see posts from people saying "I had no idea!" about these things.

It feels to me like there was lack of people paying attention, not actual lack of news articles and media coverage.

Men are the ones especially oblivious to their health risks. If you want to pick a constituency who would benefit from more self-care health education, males are it. Hands down.

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

I’m finding this thread quite dismissive of women who struggle with perimenopause symptoms. There’s an undertone of ‘making a fuss’ and ‘attention seeking’.

If you’re finding it a breed just thank your lucky stars and don’t kick others when they’re down.

Nobody is doing that though.

Obviously if women are suffering then they absolutely should seek help.

The point some of us are making is that - thankfully - not everyone has a terrible time, but you wouldn't think that going by the current media obsession with menopause. Surely there needs to be a balance between women being free to talk about their symptoms and seek help, and not assuming that the menopause is inevitably an ordeal for every woman?

I put a little weight on but no hot flushes or other symptoms. I haven't had any medication. I don't drink or smoke and have always eaten plenty of vegetables but I like sweet things as well, so not an ultra healthy diet. I don't drive so have always walked a lot.

I agree with @IcedPurple

It's almost as if we are, in an attempt to go forwards, and NOT hide it away, we're almost going in the other direction and going backwards to the days when anything to do with women's health was considered to be an illness.

You only have to look at threads on peri-menopause on here to see how many people presume it's going to be awful, they're going to feel like shit for years etc. Before there's even a whiff of menopause in sight. It's a need to label and to medicalise that I'm not comfortable with.

That said, over on the women's health section there are some amazingly well-informed MNers who give hours of time to women who are having a hard time, and that's great. One in particular goes over and above to help and is a fount of knowledge and suggestions.

As I said, I just see on here, as with the immediate suggestions of children being on the ASD spectrum, and anyone over 50 having dementia, that at the first poster saying "ooof, got a headache, am 37" for peri-menopause to be suggested.

Oh god I have found my tribe (well some of you!)

I'm several years post menopause (went through it with a teenaged daughter and neither of us were hormonal wrecks) and don't need Davina or Mariella telling me I should've been on HRT. I've read the NICE report and so have my GPs who I trust more than some celeb who's jumped on a bandwagon.

And breathe...

But people have suggested these things. I agree that it shouldn’t be assumed that the menopause is awful for every woman. But nor should people be discouraged from talking about it for fear that they will be seen as ageing and incompetent.

There are several suspect comments on this thread, including several along the lines of ‘I didn’t struggle, maybe because I have a healthy lifestyle’, which implies blame to those who do struggle. Also a couple along the lines of ‘the ones who say they struggle are the ones who run to the doctors about every little thing / are generally less able to cope / are neurotic’

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

I’m finding this thread quite dismissive of women who struggle with perimenopause symptoms. There’s an undertone of ‘making a fuss’ and ‘attention seeking’.

If you’re finding it a breed just thank your lucky stars and don’t kick others when they’re down.

I don't think people are being dismissive and certainly no-one's kicking anyone when they're down.

Some of us are just saying we don't appreciate the fact that certain female celebrities spend so much time maundering on about it and the sense that it defines us, as opposed to the many more interesting things we're doing with our lives.

No periods since I was 40 and only 2 in the year before. Minimal effects which lasted about 6 months then nothing!! Brilliant 👏 👏 👏

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

But people have suggested these things. I agree that it shouldn’t be assumed that the menopause is awful for every woman. But nor should people be discouraged from talking about it for fear that they will be seen as ageing and incompetent.

There are several suspect comments on this thread, including several along the lines of ‘I didn’t struggle, maybe because I have a healthy lifestyle’, which implies blame to those who do struggle. Also a couple along the lines of ‘the ones who say they struggle are the ones who run to the doctors about every little thing / are generally less able to cope / are neurotic’

I agree that linking an easy menopause to a 'healthy lifestyle' is silly.

Are people really 'discouraged from talking about the menopause' though? From where I'm looking, it's the opposite.

I think it's also worth pointing out that not everyone wants to talk about their personal health, even if they are suffering. Some prefer to keep that to themselves or just discuss it with close friends or family. I think there's this idea these days - not just about menopause - that talking about things is always good. But sometimes it isn't, at least for some of us.

@KayKay247 are you taking hrt

I did try to get it. Especially as I am at high risk of osteoporosis. But had a very shit doctor at the time. After three different pills that didn't suit he said what do you expect me to do and wouldn't refer me for further help so I gave up. 20 years ago now so a bit too late for me!!

It's not been that awful ,It been that ok that I didn't notice for the first 2 years , put all my symptoms down all other stuff

No periods (. It had a mirena so didn't have them anyway)

Low/moderate level anxiety ( FT job , difficult divorce, crap childhood etc)

Never had night sweats

Leaky bladder ( had kidney stones and a stent fitted thought it was a left over thing from that)

Got fatter ( was getting older anyway, I thought I'd just run out luck with keeping the weight off)

Less body hair ( bonus!)

The only ones that really bothers me is I suffer from headaches quite a lot and I have periods of being able to smell cigarette smoke when there is none (that really drives me mad) .

I was 38 when this all started and it was confirmed at 40 so I did struggle a little with knowing I couldn't have anymore DC's (even though I had 3 already and was a GM twice over by then but having the choice taken away took me a little while to get over )

Not a complete breeze and I know other women do suffer worse but overall, it's not been a bad experience, much easier than managing monthly bleeds and PMT

I think many women do struggle with a whole range of symptoms- I wouldn't dismiss that for a second.

But equally there are some women that find it a breeze.

I had no discernable peri menopause. Periods up to my menopause were very regular, flow as it always had been, pretty average. No irregularities or differences leading up to my menopause.
One month when I was 54 my period didn't come and er, that was it. Just like someone had flicked a switch.
That was 5 years ago, and no periods or symptoms since. No mood swings, no hot flushes, no weight gain, no night sweats.
I feel pretty much as I did before the menopause just no periods.
Which is lovely!!

And just to add

My lifestyle is shit, I eat too much junk , smoked for 25 years (vape now) and I do very little exercise . My sleep hygiene is pants , I don't drink alcohol though , so I don't think I've been spared the ordeal some other women have because I do everything to lead a healthy lifestyle or I'm in some way better .

I think it just luck if you have it easier than other, much like anything else us women have to go through .

It's great its more mainstream to talk about , I feel for the older generation who didn't have it and just had to quietly get on with on

I am not sailing through-quite the opposite-but my mother did and my sisters are. They are all a healthy weight, moderate or non-drinkers and take exercise. I fail on weight and exercise, plus I take quite a few medicines.