AIBU - to want more menopause success stories ?

[MamaNorth]

It's great we are now discussing the menopause more. But it's all doom and gloom. Those who 'sailed through' are generally told to shut up.

So BOAST TO ME about how you sailed through the meno, and why you think you did?

I'm 47 without any signs so far.......

I already do daily exercise, meditate, eat low carb, take vits. I drink too much but am trying to cut back.
Anything else I should add now?

56 and went from "oh my fucking fuck I've missed a period I can't have a baby at 48" to "oh, bit warm" to "oh! I think that must have been the menopause!"

Sure, I do the odd "oomph" when I get off a low sofa and I don't feel like shagging all night on a school night, but that aside, I've been fine.

@Iloveginger, I'd agree I think about peri-menopause being a bit of a buzzword. Ive noticed that friends who were always more likely than me to go to the doctor anyway for minor aches and pains, lots of testing for X, Y and Z always have really latched onto the "it'll be peri-menopause" I think because symptoms are so vague and varied, nobody can say no it's not.

It actually infuriates me that these gimlet-eyed media sharks have decided that the best way to prolong their careers is to appoint themselves spokeswomen for a generation.

So of course it’s to their advantage to declare that the menopause is a National health emergency (it’s not) that nobody talks about (they do), because unless it’s presented as a HUGE PROBLEM they won’t get the airtime they crave.

Sod the women they claim to be representing, eh? I’d like to see a televised debate (subject: are you doing middle aged women any favours by bleating about the menopause?) with Davina McCall, Marcella Frostrup and Meg Mathews on one side, and Lady Hale, Helena Kennedy and Emily Thornberry on the other. The latter would make mincemeat of the former, and I would be cheering them on.

Loving your story @Insert1x20p !
And I want @Tangledtresses experience.

Seems like a mixed bag. The upshot is that you might be fine, if not then ignore it for a bit then if it gets too much then go nag the GP to cough up serious amounts of oestrogel, Mirino coil and vagifem. Don't be fobbed off.

And also at mid 40s we are just fucking fed up with all the shit women have to deal with, and that's enough to give someone the rage. Esp at work, when personally I've been working in an industry for 30 years which thinks it's fast moving and exciting but it's still the same old shit and nothing really changes.

I don't watch TV so have missed the professional crones on TV. But it's a good warning NOT to mention to my boss, in case he thinks I am off to the Grey Havens.

@Insert1x20p

I agree that some symptoms can be misattributed. I was convinced I was peri (mirena coil so no periods so just guesswork) as I was constantly low level angry and couldn't concentrate. Kids went on a residential camp for a week. Miraculous recovery Amazingly, not having someone ask you something every two minutes that they could easily google and a week of blissful silence after 18 months of home school hell (not UK) does wonders for your concentration.

Ha that made me laugh 😂 I am also miraculously recovered (not tired) every Friday when my kids go their dads.

Maybe that's the key? I work for myself kicked out my twat of a partner, and do what I like when I like?

I wouldn't say I sailed through, but once my periods stopped I felt so much better. I'd put weight on and felt rubbish, couldn't seem to shift it. I buckled down to losing weight and exercising about a year ago and feel fitter, stronger and healthier than I have for decades.
(And yeah, lifting weights is part of that)

@Iamthewombat

It actually infuriates me that these gimlet-eyed media sharks have decided that the best way to prolong their careers is to appoint themselves spokeswomen for a generation.

So of course it’s to their advantage to declare that the menopause is a National health emergency (it’s not) that nobody talks about (they do), because unless it’s presented as a HUGE PROBLEM they won’t get the airtime they crave.

Sod the women they claim to be representing, eh? I’d like to see a televised debate (subject: are you doing middle aged women any favours by bleating about the menopause?) with Davina McCall, Marcella Frostrup and Meg Mathews on one side, and Lady Hale, Helena Kennedy and Emily Thornberry on the other. The latter would make mincemeat of the former, and I would be cheering them on.

Excellent post and articulates my feelings. Davina has always had her eye on the next big thing- she's one savvy self-promoter who hasn't missed a trick and manages at the same time to distance herself from whatever her latest thing is the minute it starts to whiff. I'm not in the UK so see very little UK TV. But the idea of Meg Mathews speaking for me is, erm, interesting.

No problems here apart from owning a load of polo neck jumpers that I doubt I'll ever wear again. I lost weight around that time unwittingly but that was probably a stressful house move

I've done ok, I can't take HRT so have gradually worked out a few things that help me and now I feel fine. I'm 54 and it's been going on for a while now

I did have a bit of vaginal dryness and UTIs, and some night sweats.

I found balance activ moisture plus pessaries totally sorted the dryness and d-mannose sorted the UTIs for good

I take menopace for night sweats which worked to some extent but I was still a bit flushy, then about 2 months ago I started taking SPM oil (SPM Supreme I think it's called) having read somewhere that this helped with night sweats and they have totally gone
Clearly this could be a coincidence so when i run out I will try stopping for a bit and see if they return as they are £££ (but actually £1 a day for not sweating all night is bargainous!)

I also exercise a lot, mainly pilates, walking and cycling. I find if I don't do this I feel generally crap.

I’d like to see a televised debate (subject: are you doing middle aged women any favours by bleating about the menopause?) with Davina McCall, Marcella Frostrup and Meg Mathews on one side, and Lady Hale, Helena Kennedy and Emily Thornberry on the other. The latter would make mincemeat of the former, and I would be cheering them on.

Hear hear.

I can't help noticing that with the exception of Mariella Frostrup all the women now trying to monetise the menopause like fury are women who previously tried to monetise their sex appeal.

While those older women you mention who have steadily built their reputations on their careers, their ideas etc, don't need to juice their careers by banging on about their hormones.

A lot of the menopause-related stuff which flies under the banner of "awareness raising" is actually just a bunch of superannuated sex symbols trying to get a second or third bite of the publicity cherry.

The only problem I can see ahead is that my mum had vascular dementia and osteoporosis later on in life 😬

Doctor has told me it's not hereditary.

But she had a very different lifestyle to me... and was a bit of a party girl!

I'm 56 and delighted to see this thread! Just because menopause is now a popular topic in the media (& with "celebrities" who need to earn a few quid) doesn't mean the rest of us want to talk about it. As for the ridiculous concept of peri, isn't that just what used to be called "getting a bit older"?
Having not had periods for most of my 30s and 40s, they came back when I was 48 & have kept going ever since, so I am desperate for them to stop. I will accept whatever peripheral symptoms that may also come along, because they are perfectly normal and not something for me to waste a GP's time about. As other posters suggest, sometimes women don't do themselves any favours....

I'm 37 so not there yet. Me and my mum have always has heavy, difficult, complicated periods and she says when she went through the menopause it was the best thing that ever happened to her. So I am holding onto that.

Menopause as liberation

I've really found a correlation amongst the women I know going through it, between those most naturally laid back sailing through and those the more anxious, control freaks, emotional before the menopause struggling much more with all the symptoms linked to it.

Maybe a coincidence, maybe not! Sadly, I'm in the latter group!

I had very heavy periods for a couple of years which I blamed on the coil and headaches which I blamed on pressures of work plus life with teenagers. This was the end of the 90s and peri menopause wasn't a thing. Then at the age of 47 my periods stopped completely. No other symptoms at all then or since, so I count myself fortunate.

@thepeopleversuswork

To be honest I'm now finding this whole obsession with the menopause in the media a bit of a PITA. Although I'm glad people can talk about it I actually find I sometimes wish they'd shut up about it a bit.

I have a colleague who is going through it who talks about nothing else and she assumes all other women of the same age are similarly obsessed. She recently said to me in a professional meeting in front other colleagues "it must just be your menopause hormones". I was a bit .

Because a lot of high profile woman are turning it into a career its assumed that everyone want to shout it from the rooftops and bang on about it endlessly over drinks with female friends. Well I don't.

Maybe its a cop-out but I don't want younger colleagues -- particular male ones - thinking I'm incapable of doing my job because my periods have stopped (I'm not). I don't want to endlessly have to discuss hot flushes and night sweats. And most of all I don't want to feel that other people have decided I've reached the end of my useful life as a woman.

So thanks Davina and Mariella but I'm not talking about my menopause.

I totally agree with this and am glad someone is saying it.

Sure, it's great that the supposed taboo about menopause is being lifted, that women feel free to talk about it and to get the help they need.

But this idea that menopause is always a horror story is really not good. It casts doubt on the abilities of any woman between the age of 45 and 55, or even more. In some ways, it's regressive, going back to the idea that women are all ruled by their 'hormones'. Certainly, some women have a horrendous time, but by no means all women do, but it seems we're being trained to approach this time with dread and fear.

@NoYOUbekind

Well I had a year of NOT sailing through, then I went to the GP and got some lovely hormones and now I am sailing through like Duran Duran on the Rio, frankly. I absolutely count myself as a menopause 'success story'. God bless science.

"sailing through like Duran Duran on the Rio"!

I like it!

As for my own experience with all this, I'm 52 and haven't had a period since last October, so I'm guessing this is it. No particular symptoms so far. I have been feeling a bit depressed from time to time, but I attribute that to lockdown rather than hormones. But I guess I'm not quite there yet so we shall see!

@Jerseygirl12

I really didn’t sail through, so I started taking using Ostrogel plus I have a coil and then it was lovely calm sailing for me.

Exactly the same as me. I was a gym bunny, careful about my food and drink. Still woke up covered with sweat and felt very flat most of the time. OEstrogel and Mirena helped a lot.

I did sail through (as did my DM). Periods just gradually stopped ... had one hot flush, but didn't really notice it until I thought about it afterwards. No other symptoms at all.

And I am overweight, never exercise, drink too much and don't eat particularly healthily . Non smoker though.

@Jerseygirl12 - not in scotland there isn't. lots of routinely prescribed HRT in England is not available on the NHS, especially in my area. I was offered anti-depressants

Everyone commenting that they are 'through' the menopause like its a set time frame. It's not. Menopause is when you are a year clear of no periods. You then remain in menopause till death. It isn't a stage. Every woman will lose estrogen progesterone and testosterone, some deal with this loss better within their bodies than others, hence the symptoms. Our bodies then adapt to this new way of being. Those of you who say they've sailed through, can develop symptoms at any time in the future, as you will continue to lose estrogen, this is were you risk osteoporosis, heart disease, va etc

I'm 56 and delighted to see this thread! Just because menopause is now a popular topic in the media (& with "celebrities" who need to earn a few quid) doesn't mean the rest of us want to talk about it. As for the ridiculous concept of peri, isn't that just what used to be called "getting a bit older"?

Yes, did the concept of 'peri' even exist 10 years ago or so?

I think a lot of the symptoms we attribute to menopause could also be simply getting older. Menopause usually hits at the exact time - late 40s or 50s - when ageing really starts to kick in. Men in this age also suffer from weight gain, loss of energy, short tempers - the 'grumpy old man' syndrome - and much else besides.

Note that I'm not saying menopause isn't difficult for a lot of women, and of course those women deserve the best medical care if appropriate. But attributing everything that happens to women in their 40s and 50s to 'hormones' is regressive in my view.

I sailed through and didn't actually notice. Sadly I was 22 and then conceived my children with an egg donor

ADreadedSunnyDay my friend was also offered anti depressants, I think she takes half of one every other day or a low a similar low dosage and she’s a changed woman. She couldn’t sleep before, was crying a lot, making mistakes at work and completely off sex. Now she says she feels much more ‘herself’. I’m really pleased for her, it was horrible to see her suffering.

This is so refreshing. I'm sure changes are happening with me at 47 but I am managing quite well with herbal/natural supplements. I don't really want HRT, it's just not for me but if I felt so dreadful I couldn't get up in the morning I guess I'd have to reassess. I try to concentrate on this being a natural process and try to be kind to myself when I feel the changes. It's going to happen no matter what I do. We don't hear enough about women who've completed the process without many problems. It is possible.