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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was annoying!

48 replies

AndTime · 08/09/2021 09:49

Just here for a rant more than anything I guess. I don't like moaning about DP in real life!

DP works in the city centre in a very awkward spot to get to. I have said a million times that I couldn't cope with that journey in rush hour, don't know how he does it etc. I am not an experienced driver so city centre just fills me with dread. There are so many people everywhere!

So his car has gone in for it's MOT and he has asked me to pick him up from work today, it's a one off, I am nervous but happy to help him out. He would do anything for me so I wouldn't dream of saying no. However I am nervous about it, I have looked at the tricky bit on street view and decided to go a slightly longer route to by pass this part. so all in all I am fairly happy to do it now. We spoke about this, he knows my new route etc.

So later on last night I said to him - have you got a minute to chat I'm a bit worried about something. (the something was totally unrelated to picking him up, as far as I was concerned that was now settled)

He said - oh picking me up? I am really worried about it too.

So now I am thinking great, you have no faith in my driving ability, why would you ask me to do something if you don't think I can manage it!

So AIBU to think his comment was insensitive at best and now I am worried about this journey all over again when I was actually fairly relaxed about the new route.

The tricky bit (cos I know someone is bound to ask) basically you come round a big round about and you are in the right hand lane, DPs work is off this road on the left so I have to get across 3 lanes of busy traffic in rush hour but there is not a lot of time to get across as it's not far from the roundabout, if you miss it you have to go back down round the round about and try again.

The new route swings round the back of his work place and puts you on the road from the opposite direction so I will already be in the left lane ready to turn, into his building.

OP posts:
araiwa · 08/09/2021 09:56

You both agree but he is annoying for agreeing with you?

Original poster
AndTime · 08/09/2021 09:58

Yea that pretty much sums it up Grin

No, I was worried, came up with a solution, it was settled.

For him to later then say he was still worried is why he is unreasonable.

Also asking me to do it in the first place if he thought it was too difficult for me is also unreasonable.

OP posts:
HotToddyColdSauvignon · 08/09/2021 09:59

I think you’re over reading into his remark. He probably thought now you’re relaxed about it, he can joke about it with you

Are you always this anxious?

seaandsandcastles · 08/09/2021 10:00

YABU and oversensitive, and if you’re that nervous you shouldn’t be driving.

namechange30455 · 08/09/2021 10:01

Have you been going on about it a lot? He probably regrets ever asking you in the first place.

I wouldn't have said what he said though, but maybe it just slipped out.

Arcadia · 08/09/2021 10:02

Why can't he get a bus/cab?

Original poster
AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:02

He wasn't joking he was serious.

I'm not usually anxious no, but I know my capabilities and if I am going into the city centre I tend to get public transport or avoid rush hour.

Nope not been going on about it, said I was nervous about tricky but so was planning on going a different route and asked his opinion on the new route.

OP posts:
Original poster
AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:04

Oh and yes I am totally over reacting and haven't actually mentioned to him that I was annoyed. I just fancied a rant here and hoped everyone would say there, there what a knob.

OP posts:
seaandsandcastles · 08/09/2021 10:07

@AndTime

Oh and yes I am totally over reacting and haven't actually mentioned to him that I was annoyed. I just fancied a rant here and hoped everyone would say there, there what a knob.
But he isn’t being a knob Confused
TwooThirty · 08/09/2021 10:08

If you’re a nervous driver and doubt your driving abilities so much that you go out of your way to avoid a roundabout then I imagine he will be worrying about you. I would worry for my DP in that situation too: that they were feeling unhappy, that they might get into an accident, etc.

ErickBroch · 08/09/2021 10:10

YABU and overreacting, sorry!! Good luck with the drive Smile

billy1966 · 08/09/2021 10:10

Don't take it personally.

Give yourself plenty of time to get there.
Better to be 15 minutes early than driving under pressure.

Remember to use your indicators very CLEARLY ON THE ROUNDABOUT.

So what if it takes you a second going around to get in the correct exit lane, just go around again.
Take your time on the roundabout and don't be rushed and try not to be intimidated.

You will be fine, just give yourself plenty of time.
Good luck.Flowers

Shoxfordian · 08/09/2021 10:10

If you’re this worried then you shouldn’t be driving, yabu here

ViaRia · 08/09/2021 10:13

I’ve had difficulties driving (still do on certain roads but I’m much better than before) so I really think I can see it from your point of view.

Your solution (finding a new route) is fine but it doesn’t address the underlying problem at all. (I know that’s not what you’re asking about).

I think… although you’ve found a solution for this pick-up, that doesn’t stop you from being worried about driving generally and so it would surely not stop him from having the same worries about you.

My husband is a confident driver and he still worries about my going out alone, even though I’m much more confident than I used to be.

It sounds like your husband got the wrong end of stick because he is worried about you and how you’re feeling (not necessarily that he thinks you can’t do the drive). He sounds caring and that he wouldn’t have asked you to do it if he didn’t think you could.

I found that I needed trips like this one to get me out on the road, a little at a time, and help me to ‘face the fear’. So put that conversation behind you and don’t read into it. Set off with lots of time to spare so that you don’t feel rushed. Enjoy the drive and enjoy knowing that this could be one step closer to the more confident and relaxed driver within!

Aprilx · 08/09/2021 10:13

You have told him you are worried about it, I think his comment shows some understanding! YABVU.

Whinge · 08/09/2021 10:14

@TwooThirty

If you’re a nervous driver and doubt your driving abilities so much that you go out of your way to avoid a roundabout then I imagine he will be worrying about you. I would worry for my DP in that situation too: that they were feeling unhappy, that they might get into an accident, etc.
I agree with this. Sorry OP, but it would really worry me if the person driving was so anxious about the route that they would avoid a roundabout, and repeatedly tell me that they couldn't cope with the journey.

If I were him i'd feel more comfortable getting public transport or a lift off a work colleague.

Spinxsta · 08/09/2021 10:16

YABU but, I get you ... he's a bellend. There, there. I hope he bites a tiny bit of gum when he eats his lunch today and it swells slightly so it catches every time he eats for the next 48 hours... that'll show him.

annacondom · 08/09/2021 10:18

I think he was just anticipating that you were going to say that you were worried about picking him up.

As for the driving, YANBU at all. I would feel the same. When I've had to do something like this I've done a practice run. But it sounds as if you've got it sussed. It'll be fine! Traffic will be slow. Also, set out very early! Can he drive you home?

Original poster
AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:24

Sorry I haven't explained it well, the roundabout isn't the problem, it's just the fact that it spits you out in the right lane and you have a very short distance to get across 3 lanes of traffic to make the left turn and at rush hour it is bumper to bumper traffic.

I am fine with roundabouts, motorways, driving in general. His work is just in the most awkward place ever.

I feel like a diagram might be helpful here!

I will leave lots of time, go the alternative route and yes he will be driving to pick up his car and I will just get home from there by myself with no issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:26

@Whinge I mentioned once that I was worried about hat route and asked his opinion on the alternative route. He said the new route would work and that as far as I was concerned was the end of the conversation.

@Spinxsta thank you - that's exactly what I need. I know I am unreasonable but just agree with me anyway.

OP posts:
Whinge · 08/09/2021 10:27

[quote AndTime]@Whinge I mentioned once that I was worried about hat route and asked his opinion on the alternative route. He said the new route would work and that as far as I was concerned was the end of the conversation.

@Spinxsta thank you - that's exactly what I need. I know I am unreasonable but just agree with me anyway.[/quote]
I was referring to your comment in the OP I have said a million times that I couldn't cope with that journey in rush hour, don't know how he does it etc.

MattHancocksSexTape · 08/09/2021 10:30

So did he know you have found an alternative route to quell your fears?

Cluelessgardener · 08/09/2021 10:33

Get him to walk to somewhere you can pick him up more easily

ripples101 · 08/09/2021 10:33

Because it’s bumper to bumper traffic, that could work in your favour. Traffic moving slowly, less likely to cut someone up, could conversely actually make it safer to get across three lanes, albeit taking longer to do so.

But you’ve settled on a route that avoids the roundabout anyway.

Although your DP hasn’t really said anything wrong, that you’re anxious about it means that you’re probably being over sensitive to his comment. Try not to overthink things, take your time, drive defensively, and give yourself plenty of time. Relax, you’ll be fine. Kudos for planning ahead and working out a different route.

Cluelessgardener · 08/09/2021 10:33

I'm a total overthinker too, you got to do what makes your life easier

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