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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was annoying!

48 replies

AndTime · 08/09/2021 09:49

Just here for a rant more than anything I guess. I don't like moaning about DP in real life!

DP works in the city centre in a very awkward spot to get to. I have said a million times that I couldn't cope with that journey in rush hour, don't know how he does it etc. I am not an experienced driver so city centre just fills me with dread. There are so many people everywhere!

So his car has gone in for it's MOT and he has asked me to pick him up from work today, it's a one off, I am nervous but happy to help him out. He would do anything for me so I wouldn't dream of saying no. However I am nervous about it, I have looked at the tricky bit on street view and decided to go a slightly longer route to by pass this part. so all in all I am fairly happy to do it now. We spoke about this, he knows my new route etc.

So later on last night I said to him - have you got a minute to chat I'm a bit worried about something. (the something was totally unrelated to picking him up, as far as I was concerned that was now settled)

He said - oh picking me up? I am really worried about it too.

So now I am thinking great, you have no faith in my driving ability, why would you ask me to do something if you don't think I can manage it!

So AIBU to think his comment was insensitive at best and now I am worried about this journey all over again when I was actually fairly relaxed about the new route.

The tricky bit (cos I know someone is bound to ask) basically you come round a big round about and you are in the right hand lane, DPs work is off this road on the left so I have to get across 3 lanes of busy traffic in rush hour but there is not a lot of time to get across as it's not far from the roundabout, if you miss it you have to go back down round the round about and try again.

The new route swings round the back of his work place and puts you on the road from the opposite direction so I will already be in the left lane ready to turn, into his building.

OP posts:

moynomore · 08/09/2021 10:34

If you’re this worried then you shouldn’t be driving, yabu here

Agree with this. I think you should have him get a taxi as you are both worried. Not fair to other drivers.

621CustardCream438 · 08/09/2021 10:36

If I was that anxious I’d have just told him to get a bus/taxi. The whole thing sounds like a non issue.

But honestly op bumper to bumper is easier - you have time to stick your indicator on and wait for nice people to let you over, which they almost certainly will given they’ll be crawling along too. It’s not like a motorway with people flying along at 70 where you can’t stop. If people behind you have to wait for a few seconds then so be it.

3scape · 08/09/2021 10:36

Can't he just uber it? Or public transport? I'm surprised it's just "I need a lift" why didn't he plan more?

Constellationstation · 08/09/2021 10:38

It sounds quite caring that he’s worried about you doing something you’re worried about! It would be worse if he couldn’t care less.
For what it’s worth, I’m an anxious driver too and I can totally sympathise.

redtshirt50 · 08/09/2021 10:43

I get where you're coming from (although still think you're overreacting).

My DP had a broken leg years ago but desperately needed to get to his mums house (passport locked in, mum and brother on holiday etc).

So he asked me to drive him.

His mum lived in the center of a really busy city, I was a new driver and was not used to driving in that environment. I had to drive his car, which I'd never driven before and honestly, it was a nightmare.

He was the worst backseat driver and the drive ended in an argument, hopefully yours doesn't go the same way!

OneMoreStitch · 08/09/2021 10:45

I get it, OP. It's all well and good to say that one shouldn't drive if one isn't confident, but sometimes you have no real alternative, and the only way to build confidence is to try!

I'd also be annoyed that he asked if he thought the drive was too much for you, and the "really" would bother me, particularly.

Try not to worry. You can do it!

Original poster

AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:47

Ok so I will be coming from opposite the blob and down the loop which brings you out in the right lane of a a three lane road - this part is fine.

Getting from there across to make my turn off (right before the blob) in bumper to bumper traffic is what worries me. There are also traffic lights right outside the office so you have less time to get over than you think because the cars are stationary and you can't get across.

Instead I will come round the back and drive the opposite way and therefore be on that road before the roundabout and have plenty of time to be in the correct lane.

OP posts:

NotAnotherBloodyNameChange · 08/09/2021 10:48

@AndTime

Yea that pretty much sums it up

No, I was worried, came up with a solution, it was settled.

For him to later then say he was still worried is why he is unreasonable.

Also asking me to do it in the first place if he thought it was too difficult for me is also unreasonable.

I would assume that he’s worried that you’re worried. That’s what’s he’s concerned about, you feeling out of your comfort zone.

Original poster

AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:53

@Whinge - just in general conversation before hand when he has been driving to his work and I have been there. (a million is exaggerating a bit) but he knew before he asked that I find his work awkward to get to.

I am happy with the alternative route, I think I would be fine, I have just totally over thought it but the new route just takes the whole issue away.

I can drive confidently on motorways, in new arears, in the dark or the wet. It's literally just city centre rush hour traffic that I would rather avoid where possible.

I do totally accept that I am unreasonable btw, which is why I am moaning here and not at my DP.

OP posts:

Original poster

AndTime · 08/09/2021 10:57

also just realised the map makes it look more like a uterus than a roundabout!

OP posts:

MattHancocksSexTape · 08/09/2021 11:37

That roundabout is a cunt!

Original poster

AndTime · 08/09/2021 14:02

That sounds like you have personal experience of it!

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 08/09/2021 14:07

He's not worried about your driving, he's worried about you getting stressed and worried.

You'll be fine, and you've got a strategy which is all you need. Basically those kinds of manoeuvres, you have to feel confident and determined and slowly push your way across, confident that everyone will have to wait and make room while you get there. You indicate and hover, make eye contact with other drivers, and inch your way across waving thank yous in every direction. It's not elegant, it's just what you have to do!

girlmom21 · 08/09/2021 14:19

You massively overreacted to his comment (in your head, I know you didn't say anything to him!)

Alloftheboys · 08/09/2021 14:24

Can’t DP walk to somewhere easier to get to and you pick him up from there?
I don’t understand where you’re supposed to be meeting him but that map looks like there’s a few dead ends if you’re ok to meet him there?

Anordinarymum · 08/09/2021 14:25

@AndTime

Oh and yes I am totally over reacting and haven't actually mentioned to him that I was annoyed. I just fancied a rant here and hoped everyone would say there, there what a knob.

He's probably worried about you worrying is all

AlbertBridge · 08/09/2021 14:28

Your route sounds brilliant. 👍🏻

TedMullins · 08/09/2021 14:30

Am I the only one wondering why, if this is in a city centre, there’s no public transport he can use?

ApocalypseNowt · 08/09/2021 14:31

That's not in Leeds is it? If not there's a similar one that I rarely have to go on but when I do I usually end up doing an unintended sightseeing tour (as I don't always make it across!)

Original poster

AndTime · 08/09/2021 15:31

He has to get to the place to pick his car up before it shuts so public transport would be a pain.

I don't mind picking him up, he helps me in lots of ways, I just hate the location of his office.

It's not Leeds no. I can just see myself going round and round till 8pm 😂

Thanks for the advice on how to get over, confidence is key I guess.

OP posts:

PheasantsNest · 08/09/2021 16:02

I'd get him a taxi. You sound like a nervous wreck.

Original poster

AndTime · 08/09/2021 17:48

Made it safe and sound. Wasn't as bad as I imagined either.

OP posts:

annacondom · 08/09/2021 19:01

Well done, OP!

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