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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting my name wrong at work

38 replies

LittleFroggie · 07/09/2021 17:07

I started a new job 18 months ago. I’m reasonably senior and have contact with lots of people every day, have spoken many times in front of our colleagues and my name is on the company website in an obvious place. In short - it’s not difficult to find my name. Yet, lots of people at work call me different names and it’s starting to really annoy me. Almost everyone at work is of a different cultural background to me (the same as each other) and I’m now wondering if this has something to do with it. Particularly as they keep calling me one particular name, which begins with the same letter as mine but is a different name (for example, Katie and Kathy). She is the only other person of the same ethnicity as me and I’m getting really upset that people apparently can’t distinguish between us. I’ve been correcting people politely every time it happens but it hasn’t stopped. Very senior people in the company do it too. Today a lady called me the wrong name and I corrected her, she said she just remembers people by their surnames and that’s how she is Confused no apology. She’s just emailed me notes from earlier and started the email with “To Kathy…” I’ve replied and put “ps It’s Katie!” AIBU?

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 07/09/2021 17:15

Your answer to the one who said she only remembered surnames, should have been, "From now on call me Miss Little"!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 07/09/2021 17:18

@AdaColeman

Your answer to the one who said she only remembered surnames, should have been, "From now on call me Miss Little"!
Absolutely
Thatsjustwhatithink · 07/09/2021 17:21

Tell the company/someone more senior than you that it feels racist or culturally inappropriate. Are you in the UK and work for a large company?

MuchasSmoochas · 07/09/2021 17:23

You’re going to have to keep telling them until they get it right. But don’t feel bad about this! I get my name spelled wrong a lot, am fine with that but would definitely say in your situation.

Funnylittlefloozie · 07/09/2021 17:27

If you are the only two people of the same ethnicity, I absolutely get it. I bet the other person is fuming just as much because everyone knew she was Kathy before you turned up, now she gets called Katie because to some people, she's just an interchangeable ethnic.

OK, I am projecting a little, but probably not much. I would be very tempted to wear a massive badge with my name on for a week or two, just to drive home the point.

billy1966 · 07/09/2021 17:35

I would have serious reservations about the ability of someone who couldn't get a name right after 18 months, and in your place I would tell them...🙄

WallaceinAnderland · 07/09/2021 17:35

This sounds like bullying in the workplace. Have a look at your company's policy and see what you can do to address it.

Original poster
LittleFroggie · 07/09/2021 18:01

I’m not sure I can do anything about it by labelling it as bullying really, partly because there just so many people doing it. They’re a very cliquey sort of company anyway and I’m seen as the outsider I guess. I’m still seen as the newbie too. I think it’s just rude and I had to learn masses of names when I arrived - why can’t they learn one?

OP posts:
takehomepay · 07/09/2021 18:33

Get their names wrong. Every single time.

Eilatan2018 · 07/09/2021 18:51

Omg it infuriates me when people get names and wrong after being corrected…it’s pure ignorance!

Waspsarearseholes · 07/09/2021 18:55

This is so rude. It does, from your posts, appear deliberate now. Try not answering when people get your name wrong. Bounce emails back saying, you sent this to me in error, this is for Kathy and I am Katie. Make it as inconvenient as you can for them to 'forget' your name.

Original poster
LittleFroggie · 07/09/2021 19:18

Ye I need to keep picking them up on it. I’ve told a few people today that I’m finding it really rude that no one knows my name. Everyone just laughs it off and one guys told me to “have a warm heart” and leave people to make mistakes. I don’t think I’m being difficult though after 18 months?? I did fire one email back with a “do you mean me, Katie, or is this meant for Kathy? As I’m confused” and that person emailed back that they’re very busy and that was a typo. So I felt maybe I was being snotty which I not want to.

OP posts:
Bigoldhag · 07/09/2021 19:20

I’d make people uncomfortable. You mention the person you are mixed up with is the same race as you - I’d literally laugh and say ‘it’s katie, not kathy - not all x-race people are the same you know’.

People are terrified of being called a racist. Its bloody ignorant of them, you have every right to be angry and fed up.

GoGadgetGo · 07/09/2021 19:46

I am terrible with names.I really struggle with them. Someone will tell me their name and it flies out of my head immediately. But even when I know names, I still get mixed up, it may have been the last person I spoke to or a name on my mind.
I have called people the wrong name and they are all different races.
It doesn't have to do with race, it is to do with me being an idiot or not thinking before I speak.

Some people I have no idea of their names, so I just avoid using it altogether.
I don't think all people do it with malice. But yes, it must be annoying.

WhateverHappenedToMe · 07/09/2021 19:48

I don't think it's necessarily racist, but lazy. I've been with my current employer since 2008. My name appears in the staff directory, on the infogram, and in full in my email address. People still get it wrong. Yes, it's a slightly unusual British surname, but you'd think they would have learned in 13 years.

romdowa · 07/09/2021 19:56

If they are only getting you mixed up with the only other woman of the same ethnicity as you then I would point that out. I'd say I'm katie , not Kathy, not every polish/irish /German/ Indian person looks the same. It will be the only way into shaming them into remembering

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 19:58

@LittleFroggie

Ye I need to keep picking them up on it. I’ve told a few people today that I’m finding it really rude that no one knows my name. Everyone just laughs it off and one guys told me to “have a warm heart” and leave people to make mistakes. I don’t think I’m being difficult though after 18 months?? I did fire one email back with a “do you mean me, Katie, or is this meant for Kathy? As I’m confused” and that person emailed back that they’re very busy and that was a typo. So I felt maybe I was being snotty which I not want to.
They're doing it deliberately and want you to shut up and put up.

Keep correcting them, and don't answer their query until they get it right.

Newmumatlast · 07/09/2021 20:02

@takehomepay

Get their names wrong. Every single time.
Yes. I'm this petty too. If they have a problem remind them of what they call you and what your actual name is
Original poster
LittleFroggie · 07/09/2021 21:11

I’m not saying it definitely is racist, I just think it’s so rude to forget my name generally and also a bit concerning that it’s almost always this other woman’s name Hmm sometimes it is random name beginning with the same letter. I think the worst is via email because it’s so easy to check my name first (and it’s on my email signature so have a look at that before replying if you’re bad at names). It shows a lack of respect for me I think, a lack of manners.

OP posts:
GiveMeAUserName123 · 07/09/2021 21:20

It’s manners to get it right but some people do struggle with saying certain names. I’m white English and my name to a few ethnicities is really difficult. I’m not sure why but they just can’t say my name, so I often offer a different name for them to call me and I answer to both. They do try to say my name but they just can’t. People who have been here along time or born here with the same ethnicity as them can say my name though. It’s strange, like their tongue hasn’t learned to mould certain sounds.

I don’t get offended by it as it’s obvious they can’t do it, not that they haven’t tried.

Purplewithred · 07/09/2021 21:22

My full name is a contraction of a different name (eg Beth/Elizabeth). People often call me Elizabeth - I can forgive it if it's the first time we've met etc although I do always correct people now "it's Beth". But if it's the second time of meeting, or it's in reply to an email, I find it very rude. In your situation I'd be incandescent with rage and working up to an all staff email or a warning shot about racism to HR.

trunumber · 07/09/2021 21:36

I don't think I could keep working there. They're showing such disregard and disrespect. How about they have a "warm heart" and learn your bloody name!

Rosebel · 07/09/2021 21:44

My ex manager used to call me by the wrong name, for a whole 2 years before he left. And I wore a name badge.
I found it quite funny but that was only one person. If it was everyone it would be annoying. I agree with calling them the wrong name.

annacondom · 07/09/2021 21:49

If not deliberate, it's really lazy. I worked at a school for four years (not as a teacher - a lesser role). I have a common name. The head called me by another common name (same initial letter) all that time, like in your example. I gave up correcting her and really think she just cba to get it right. I am not the only person to have a low opinion of her.

Hikingforscenery · 07/09/2021 21:55

Has anyone decided you’re aggressive yet for daring to want your coworkers to address you correctly?

Don’t respond if they call you by the wrong name.

It’s most likely racist.
Sometimes, it can be sexist ( not likely in your case I suppose, if the women are doing it too).
It’s a reminder that you’re still not that important no matter how senior you are.

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