Getting my name wrong at work

[LittleFroggie]

I started a new job 18 months ago. I’m reasonably senior and have contact with lots of people every day, have spoken many times in front of our colleagues and my name is on the company website in an obvious place. In short - it’s not difficult to find my name. Yet, lots of people at work call me different names and it’s starting to really annoy me. Almost everyone at work is of a different cultural background to me (the same as each other) and I’m now wondering if this has something to do with it. Particularly as they keep calling me one particular name, which begins with the same letter as mine but is a different name (for example, Katie and Kathy). She is the only other person of the same ethnicity as me and I’m getting really upset that people apparently can’t distinguish between us. I’ve been correcting people politely every time it happens but it hasn’t stopped. Very senior people in the company do it too. Today a lady called me the wrong name and I corrected her, she said she just remembers people by their surnames and that’s how she is no apology. She’s just emailed me notes from earlier and started the email with “To Kathy…” I’ve replied and put “ps It’s Katie!” AIBU?

People often forget my name at work too and in my case it's definitely not due to different backgrounds.

I simply correct them every time, loudly.

This happened in one my old work places. We were a really small team with two Indian girls and the manager kept using one of the girls names for the other (I'm not sure if it went both ways). They did not begin with the same letter and were really not similar but I guess they were both the same number of syllables ending in the same sound...
Almost like the equivalent of say Sarah and Laura. They were not Indian names but were infrequently used western names.

'Laura' tried to address this as she was sick of it and she said she felt like she was getting mixed up due to race, and they dragged her through a long horrible disciplinary process focussed on how^^ she raised this, avoiding the real issue entirely. It was really disgusting! Lots of gaslighting and bullying.

I think raise it, but raise it as formally as possible using the right channels because if done in another way you run the risk of someone shitting themselves at the suggestion of racism and trying to turn it back on you somehow - as above.

Hope you get it sorted, it's really not on!!

Gosh, I get this at work on a daily basis. I’m Caribbean/Latina and so is my colleague. We are mixed up frequently with regards to name calling. We are both fed up with it. We are both short, slim and of similar features which proves difficult for colleagues apparently.

@GiveMeAUserName123

It’s manners to get it right but some people do struggle with saying certain names. I’m white English and my name to a few ethnicities is really difficult. I’m not sure why but they just can’t say my name, so I often offer a different name for them to call me and I answer to both. They do try to say my name but they just can’t. People who have been here along time or born here with the same ethnicity as them can say my name though. It’s strange, like their tongue hasn’t learned to mould certain sounds.

I don’t get offended by it as it’s obvious they can’t do it, not that they haven’t tried.

every email that arrives with "Hi wrongname" just send it straight back with "I'm Kathie, not wrongname, I think you've sent this to the wrong person".

You could call everyone who addresses you by a wrong name - something nice and generic like "Bob" or if you felt creative something close to their name but not quite right - Sandra for Sarah, etc. Any kickback - well, you're very busy and it's a typo. But I would start building your CV and looking for another job. That's not a place that will nurture your talent.

I have this at work. I have a name with another woman that is out by only one letter (like Julie/Julia) and we frequently receive each other's emails and/or are addressed using the wrong name. It's lazy and it's annoying, but we've also had confidential information accidentally shared with us, which is why it irritates me the most.

Fortunately she and I have now turned it into a bit of a joke, but I usually reply with "Hi X, thank you for this information, but I don't think I'm meant to receive this. I have forwarded it onto Julia as it's clearly for her. Thank you, Julie."

Just keep doing that. It probably won't stop them, but you are just making a point.

(On another note, it'll be interesting to see what happens when Julia goes off on maternity leave after Christmas).

On from that though, your situation feels more uncomfortable, and so I would actually be more inclined to address it head on and every time it happens, say that while you and your colleague are of the same ethnicity, she is X and you are Y. Any decent human being would feel mortified by that and would put a stop to it. Then, if it doesn't stop, I'd go to HR.

Thing is, whilst it’s certainly lazy and possibly racist, this is at work and you need to play the long game. How can you get them to fix this without making them uncomfortable, as making them uncomfortable or embarrassed about interacting with you, or resentful of you for correcting them, might well backfire on your own career success? I find this stuff really hard so I don’t have an answer sorry, but if it were me I would find a way to publicly yet gently address it, perhaps at the start of a big meeting, by saying you know people find it difficult to pronounce and differentiate your name, but it is time for them to learn it, and make a point of breaking it down phonetically for them and repeating it until they remember it.

YADNBU. I get this, as I have one of those bog-standard names that can easily be spelled a couple of different ways while still sounding the same eg Rachel/Rachael, Anne/Ann. Despite the correct spelling being right there in my email address if they’re emailing me first, plus twice in my signature block if they’re replying to one from me, some people will always choose the other spelling. It’s incredibly rude, as if they think you don’t know how to spell your own name or something. I don’t even have a colleague with the other spelling so they’re just making it up.

Dyslexia aside, there’s no excuse for it (and even then I’ve had dyslexic colleagues who make the extra effort because they know it’s important to at least get people’s names right to make a professional first impression!) and anyone who thinks you’re being precious is a bit of a dick.

Sorry that even after 18 months you’re still having this problem. Honestly your company doesn’t sound like a great place to work, but if you otherwise enjoy the job I hope you can find a way to get this resolved.

@LittleFroggie YANBU and it’s obviously racist at this point because it’s been 18 months. This has moved from being a micro aggression to a full on macro aggression done by loads of people at your job. Own that emotionally and then start to unravel your next steps.

@WorkingItOutAsIGo

Thing is, whilst it’s certainly lazy and possibly racist, this is at work and you need to play the long game. How can you get them to fix this without making them uncomfortable, as making them uncomfortable or embarrassed about interacting with you, or resentful of you for correcting them, might well backfire on your own career success? I find this stuff really hard so I don’t have an answer sorry, but if it were me I would find a way to publicly yet gently address it, perhaps at the start of a big meeting, by saying you know people find it difficult to pronounce and differentiate your name, but it is time for them to learn it, and make a point of breaking it down phonetically for them and repeating it until they remember it.

No, why should the OP suffer career wise because some people are too pig ignorant to remember to say her name correctly.

Unless they genuinely cannot and l understand as l work with young people who are dyslexic so l can see why they might struggle.

Other than that, its lazy, ignorant and now becoming racist.

We are not all the same. I've had this for years in my job and l would take the piss out of people who couldn't pronounce my name. These are teachers who have to pronounce lots of names.

I was sick of it and my name has religious significance so that made it even more insulting.

Do let them get away with it OP.

Don't *

This is a crap thing for you to have to deal with. Its very rude after 18 months, and they are possibly even bullying / gaslighting you. I would be tempted to ask "do you think all xxx nationality look the same" when they mix you up. Can you get together with the other lady and see if you can share an action plan going forward to tackle it?