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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU people inviting themselves on my holidays?

44 replies

Tilly18101 · 07/09/2021 06:32

Probably IABU as I can just say No and move on but why do grown adults (friends and family) invite themselves on anything DH and I want to do or book?

Like everyone DH and I haven’t been away since pre Covid, other than UK breaks. Pre Covid we were very lucky to have a couple of abroad holidays a year, one with friends (skiing) and a few UK long weekends, alone and some with friends/family always organised and planned together.

DH and I have just booked a week in December to go to Scotland (cottage with a hot tub, lovely views etc) as a bit of a pre Christmas break with our dog.

As you do you discuss these things in generally conversation (not much else to discuss!) and my parents were asking what we planned to do with the second/third bedroom - nothing? Queue my mum ‘Your dad and I can join you then?’

Politely made a joke about having the spare room to kick DH in after too many beers and the dog having their own room so no. They didn’t seem to happy about it and had a bit of a grumble, then we’re trying to find out where we had booked so they could join nearby? Also no!

A couple friend also stated ‘oh we could join you!’ That was very much an easier firm ‘haha no’ but equally they seemed OK about it but confused as to why we wouldn’t want them there?

Other situations have happened where we’ve organised a night away, and had suggestions of making it a family trip etc - no thank you.

Is it just me? Why does anyone feel it’s ok to invite yourself on someone else’s holiday just because there’s a spare room? (Most cottages have 2-3 bedrooms it’s not unusual!)

I would never invite myself along anywhere I’d wait to be asked, then answer whether I’d like to go. Part of me wonders if this is a money thing, and cheaper to share with someone else? I understand the cost of UK breaks are obscene right now!

Why is it so ridiculous DH and I want a week away together, without anyone else?

Grand scheme of things it’s a just a whinge really and IABU and literally just need to say no and move on with my life but it just bugs me and I feel so awkward about it!

OP posts:

NotGCTUR · 07/09/2021 06:33

Going forward say one bedroom. Sorted.

autumnalmist · 07/09/2021 06:37

I think they do it just so they don't have the Hassle of booking!

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 07/09/2021 06:40

Surely in your case as you normally holiday with family and friends they are seeing it as a trip to replace those group ones you normally take and letting you know they could join you, perhaps the CF comes from because they haven't thought to book anything this year as places are booked up or £££. Whereas you see it as an alone one, just for you and DH. I think the fact you often holiday as a group muddies the water on them inviting themselves.

Mybalconyiscracking · 07/09/2021 06:42

Just say, “Sorry, second Honeymoon, we plan to be at it like rabbits the whole time and are turning second bedroom into temporary sex dungeon”
That should put people off.

Mybalconyiscracking · 07/09/2021 06:44

“No, it’s been a horrible year, we really need some time alone, away from everyday stress.”

Original poster

Tilly18101 · 07/09/2021 06:47

@Mybalconyiscracking

Just say, “Sorry, second Honeymoon, we plan to be at it like rabbits the whole time and are turning second bedroom into temporary sex dungeon” That should put people off.

Haha! An excellent response!

OP posts:

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 07/09/2021 06:48

Urgh, that sounds awful, definitely say 1 bedroom from here on in, and be sketchy with the details on where it is!!!

Surewhynot · 07/09/2021 06:50

I’ve never had family or friends try to come on holiday with us! I would just say no thanks, we’d prefer to go on our own this time.

Mil once made some noises about us taking her on holiday but DH knocked that one on the head straight away and it’s never come up again.

It’s pretty weird to invite yourself to someone else’s holiday.

Stircraazy · 07/09/2021 06:50

I imagine you are good fun and easy going. My Dsis and DH are like that - everyone wants to go away with them, cos you are guaranteed a good laugh and lots of fun.

Ohdoleavemealone · 07/09/2021 06:51

Only my MIL has ever tried to invite herself on my holidays.
We pretend we didn't hear.

DotsandCo · 07/09/2021 06:52

This has never happened to me! I can't imagine any of my friends or family even saying this OP, but if they did, I'd simply laugh and tell them not a chance, book your own holiday 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Tilly18101 · 07/09/2021 06:54

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

Yes possibly, but any group weekends are usually dedicated to a separate discussion with those involved in a WhatsApp group and this absolutely was not. However the cottage we have booked is similar to what we would book with friends, big open space, near by to lots of walking routes, hot tub, nice views etc so they could possibly have been a presumption!

We go away with my family for a long weekend every May so it’s not like I’ve booked a similar time and they assumed.

OP posts:

Justwantanewname · 07/09/2021 07:23

Like someone said above, you’re probably good fun to be with so you should be flattered! I’d still say no though……

MzHz · 07/09/2021 08:07

Hmm… perhaps you have one of those faces… Resting Host Face or something

BrisbaneandGone · 07/09/2021 08:10

Stop telling them in so much detail, just tell them you're having a break away in December or whenever and then talk about something else, don't give them the opportunity to invite themselves,

cooldarkroom · 07/09/2021 08:11

Why dont you say the truthful 6 words.
"Sorry, we want to be alone."

Palavah · 07/09/2021 08:41

How do they know there's a spare bedroom? Just don't tell them?

Aprilx · 07/09/2021 09:00

Well you seem to normally go away with others, so I would imagine people did not see this as any different and assumed you were up for company. That is all, maybe don’t tell people about spare bedrooms.

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 09:01

YANBU, they are being presumptuous and also lazy - much easier to join you rather than research places themselves. Asking to take the spare room is just rude.

I would just stop oversharing with them. Don't share exact locations or number of rooms or even exact dates.

CasaBonita · 07/09/2021 09:07

I'd definitely tell your parents that you intend to shag in the hot tub a lot, so it's probably for the best if they don't come.....

Movingsoon21 · 07/09/2021 09:37

How do they know how many bedrooms there are? Why are you going into that much detail? If people ask about holiday plans surely you just say “DH and I have booked a romantic trip to Scotland in winter, can’t wait!”

billyt · 07/09/2021 09:42

If you had planned on them coming along surely you'd have discussed it with them at some point?

If either of my daughters said they were off on holiday to a place with two bedrooms I would be more likely to say sleeping separately due to SIL snoring, not ask if I could go?

CFs.........

billyt · 07/09/2021 09:43

Whoops....

If I even mentioned why they were getting two bedrooms for?

SprayedWithDettol · 07/09/2021 09:46

Just don’t say anything until you are about to go away. The thought of anyone gate crashing mine and DH holiday fills me with horror.

Holidays with friends and family don’t happen in the Dettol world. That’s why we keep on good terms 😉

AlCalavicci · 07/09/2021 09:46

I agree with PP , I think it is because in the past you have gone away as a group they just presume that because there is space that they can join you and DH again .

You must of told them quite a bit about the holiday and I get that it is a nice thing to talk about but in future you Should say as little as possible so they x=can not invite themselves ,

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