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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU people inviting themselves on my holidays?

44 replies

Tilly18101 · 07/09/2021 06:32

Probably IABU as I can just say No and move on but why do grown adults (friends and family) invite themselves on anything DH and I want to do or book?

Like everyone DH and I haven’t been away since pre Covid, other than UK breaks. Pre Covid we were very lucky to have a couple of abroad holidays a year, one with friends (skiing) and a few UK long weekends, alone and some with friends/family always organised and planned together.

DH and I have just booked a week in December to go to Scotland (cottage with a hot tub, lovely views etc) as a bit of a pre Christmas break with our dog.

As you do you discuss these things in generally conversation (not much else to discuss!) and my parents were asking what we planned to do with the second/third bedroom - nothing? Queue my mum ‘Your dad and I can join you then?’

Politely made a joke about having the spare room to kick DH in after too many beers and the dog having their own room so no. They didn’t seem to happy about it and had a bit of a grumble, then we’re trying to find out where we had booked so they could join nearby? Also no!

A couple friend also stated ‘oh we could join you!’ That was very much an easier firm ‘haha no’ but equally they seemed OK about it but confused as to why we wouldn’t want them there?

Other situations have happened where we’ve organised a night away, and had suggestions of making it a family trip etc - no thank you.

Is it just me? Why does anyone feel it’s ok to invite yourself on someone else’s holiday just because there’s a spare room? (Most cottages have 2-3 bedrooms it’s not unusual!)

I would never invite myself along anywhere I’d wait to be asked, then answer whether I’d like to go. Part of me wonders if this is a money thing, and cheaper to share with someone else? I understand the cost of UK breaks are obscene right now!

Why is it so ridiculous DH and I want a week away together, without anyone else?

Grand scheme of things it’s a just a whinge really and IABU and literally just need to say no and move on with my life but it just bugs me and I feel so awkward about it!

OP posts:

Ahwig · 07/09/2021 09:54

Our best man said for a wedding present he had arranged for us to stay for a week in a 5 star accommodation, we just had to pay the flights. The accommodation was time shared owned by a relative of his and he had paid a reasonable amount for us to be able to go there. As at the time of our wedding we couldn’t afford a proper honeymoon, going there 5 months after our wedding would be like a proper honeymoon. Fabulous we thought how lovely! Then he talked about what “we “ could do and see there. I took my husband aside and said, I think he’s planning on coming too. No don’t be silly of course he’s not he said. Anyway it became abundantly clear as time went on that he was indeed planning on coming to. In the end 4 of us went as I took my best friend. As a holiday it was fine, as a honeymoon it was rubbish

Notaroadrunner · 07/09/2021 10:00

Tell them you're going to a one bed Airbnb in the other end of the country from now on. If they then book something in the area they'll spend a long time looking for you.

Glssr195726113493 · 07/09/2021 10:07

I mean, if you’re telling them about your holiday booking and you share the information that it has three bedrooms, you’ve sort of brought it on yourself. Especially as you do regularly seem to take trips with all these people.

PhoboPhobia · 07/09/2021 10:14

Some of my family are like this and I end up lying or keeping things from them and I hate it. YANBU.

Gothichouse40 · 07/09/2021 10:17

It's the one thing I was adamant about in our married life, we did not go on holiday with family or in-laws. At the time we were both in very stressful jobs, yes, we received heavy hints which were ignored. At one point I did have to say sorry but we don't holiday with other people as we really need the time to ourselves. Im afraid my in-laws and us just would not have got on, their idea of a holiday and ours were very different. I would never dream of inviting myself into anybody else's arrangements, whether it be a holiday or anything else. People seem to be very forward nowadays.

Cooper88 · 07/09/2021 10:23

I have had this issue in the past, so now if we are going away and we don't want anyone joining us when we tell people in conversation e say something like wee have "just booked a dirty weekend away" it stops anyone even hinting they want to.come away with us 🤣🤣

dayslikethese1 · 07/09/2021 10:59

I've never had this happen but surely you can just say you want to holiday alone (or don't tell them where)

Ladyrattles · 07/09/2021 11:13

Maybe describe it as a romantic getaway? When mentioning the trips to family and friends, so they know off the bat it's not a holiday for everyone

sueelleker · 07/09/2021 11:26

BrimfulOfBaba · 07/09/2021 11:33

YANBU but stop telling people about how many rooms you'll have? They might think it's a hint/opportunity.

Jumpingintosummer · 07/09/2021 11:35

This bugs me, you should be able to make conversation about upcoming trips.

knittingaddict · 07/09/2021 11:39

I've never had this happen either, but I guess that family and friends know me well enough to anticipate the reply.

We do go on the occasional get away with our adult children, but it's very much booked as a family holiday and no one would ask to tag alone on our couple breaks. We frequently have spare rooms too as I find one bed places a bit pokey. They still don't ask.

Once you've started a precedent you will probably find that people don't ask anymore. That's my experience.

3beesinmybonnet · 07/09/2021 12:03

You are definitely not being unreasonable. People should wait to be invited and should never put pressure on you. Some people don't seem to understand that 'getting away from it all ' includes them.
We've had various friends and relatives just turn up unannounced on UK holidays which is bad enough. But the worst was definitely when DH told his workmate we'd booked 2 weeks abroad and he then booked the same holiday even stayed in the next room. Apparently he thought I could lie by the pool all day keeping his wife company while he and my DH went off doing fun stuff. She had a drink problem and they argued a lot although tbf otherwise they were fun company. Afterwards told DH 'don't ever do that to me again. ' Next year......guess what happened? Caused a lot of trouble between me and DH.

I have never gatecrashed someone's holiday or weekend break and cannot understand how other people can think it's OK.

FinallyHere · 07/09/2021 12:10

I can't imagine telling people in advance, details such as how many bedrooms until I would welcome their joining us. We do sometimes enjoy going away together so would totally mention the bedrooms to float the idea.

Hope I'm not one of the people you have told, who went on to show interest.

FinallyHere · 07/09/2021 12:11

Until? Unless

OrangeTortoise · 07/09/2021 12:14

Tbh I think it's quite unusual to book a holiday rental with bedroom(s) to spare! Maybe that's why people have got the wrong idea?

Original poster

Tilly18101 · 07/09/2021 12:45

Quite a few responses on number of rooms and discussing to answer;

Generally most cottages with hot tubs are min 2 bedrooms, unless you are booking a holiday site type place which caters with lots of different accommodations. We tend to book Air B&B’s as I don’t personally like the rows and rows of caravans/lodges and being able to hear anyone and everyone.

I don’t openly talk about number of bedrooms, it’s more just genuine interest I think in conversation, they might ask to see where we’ve booked to have a look at it. Curiosity I suppose, I might do the same if someone said they’d booked X and it had a wonderful view of Loch Lomond, I might be like oh let’s have a look kind of thing - not to invite myself but more to do the whole ooohh ahhh have a great trip!

I think a few of you are right on the presumption we’ve been away with them before it might be an open invitation but surely you wouldn’t assume? Especially after Covid!

OP posts:

takehomepay · 07/09/2021 12:45

@OrangeTortoise

Tbh I think it's quite unusual to book a holiday rental with bedroom(s) to spare! Maybe that's why people have got the wrong idea?

Not unusual at all, if you go as a couple you often find cottages have two bedrooms. 1 bedroom places can be tiny and cost the same as 2 bedrooms.

Guacamole001 · 07/09/2021 13:31

Just dont let on until it is a week away.

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