To think everyone has regrets to a greater or lesser degree later in life?

[SlB09]

Just wondering from those who are maybe in the later stages of life, let me learn from your wealth of experiences!!!

Do you think its even possible to not have a single regret in life?

This will put me. My affirmation is ‘if I’d known then what I know now; ah but I know now what I didn’t know then.’ Means I’m using that statement to make right what I do regret. Some situations I’ve come away knowing I did the best I could with what I had available at the time. Would still sell my soul to the devil to have time again with my dc when they were teeny tinnies.

You only regret the things you didn't do.

I'm not sure I agree with this. Why would that be? I regret quite a few things I've done. Not in a way that I can't get over or that affects my happiness now, but not sure this makes sense.

Yes I regret loads of things.
I actually can’t think of any choices I’ve made that I don’t regret.
I regret going to the university I did because I could have gone to a better one with the grades I got but I didn’t want to wait a year at the time. So I went to an average one, which was ok but retrospectively I should have had a year out.
I regret getting married so young.
I regret getting married.
I regret giving up my career to be a sahm.
I regret having the dc at all.
I regret giving in on some major issues which are now undoable so I’m stuck indefinitely.
I regret pretty much everything from 16 onwards, I don’t think I’ve made one good decision.
This makes me now feel inclined to do the opposite from what I think as I’ve been so wrong so far 😂
Essentially one long disaster would be how I’d sum up my life.

I think regrets are normal, but it’s how you deal with them (psychologically speaking) that’s important. Otherwise they eat you.

I have a tonne of regrets and in mid-life.
Some things I had no control over at the time, and others I just made stupid decisions.
Most of the things I regret happened before I was 40.

I wish I'd met my DH younger, so we could have had more children. I come from a large family, and I feel sad for my DS that he's an only child. But it is what it is. Maybe, if I'd met my DH younger, we wouldn't have been compatible. And we're lucky to have one child

As a PP said, it's natural to think "What if .......", but probably not helpful to dwell on it. Better to look forward than backward

It depends how you define regret.

I definitely know that I have taken the wrong path in life in numerous situations.

Have any of them fundamentally damaged me? Not to the point I can’t learn positively.

The key to happiness in my view is being able to make peace with and learn from mistakes in a healthy way which allows you to move forward.

Probably my single biggest mistake was my marriage which was an 11-year failure. I can’t really regret it though. It gave me a wonderful child, made me realise what I need to be happy and made me much much stronger. With the benefit of hindsight I am very pleased my marriage ended.

It’s not the mistakes: everyone makes mistakes. It’s what you take from them.

Maybe I am lucky not to have made any mistakes large enough to have destroyed my life. But I think whatever you have done, life is too short to let regret derail you forever.

My child suffered a life changing injury, not caused by me, but when I was in charge. Our lives are good in lots of ways, including his, but every now and then, when I see an article, or he struggles with something, or it comes into my mind in the small hours, I am physically unable to stand straight, the sadness is so terrible.

Even without someone so extreme, I always wonder about people with zero regrets. Surely we've all at some stage said or done something unkind, or failed to say the needed kind thing - it may not be earth shattering, but it's pretty bold to feel that everything has been for the best

Big decisions that had a negative effect on my life, well, I'd do them differently if I had my time again but I don't regret them. It's the trouser legs of time theory. I can imagine a better outcome but there's no guarantee of that. All my poor choices have eventually led me to where I am now, and I'm pretty content.

I was cured of bitter regret in my late 20s. Life was hard and mostly shit. I bitterly regretted leaving school at 16 and was so jealous of those who'd gone to uni. Then an 18 year old I knew went to uni and died in a car crash within a week. Big lesson that we can never predict the outcome of our choices...

I regret some things. I wish I'd been a better parent when my son was a teen. I wish I'd been a better daughter and done more at the ends of my parents' lives. I regret taking up smoking. I regret getting fat. But again, I try to be kind to myself as my 'failures' in these areas were a reaction to what else was happening in my life. I coped as best I could at the time.

No-one has a crystal ball.

I try to be at peace with my regrets as I think me at that time made the best decisions I could with the information I had.

It's best to think of the future, not dwell on the past.

I am happy to say I did a degree as a mature student (thank you, OU) and graduated in my 40s.

I have many regrets. However, you can only look back with hindsight and with the knowledge and experience of later life. At the timeI was doing the best I could with the resources and understandingI had then. Have compassion for yourself and the choices you made. I often think life should be lived in reverse. By the time we have a handle on things, it’s too late in general.

I have two big regrets which have had serious consequences- one was dropping off the London property ladder for a few years and another was school related for my child.

We've carried on of course and things are now better but I'll have to work full time until I'm pensionable age to pay off our mortgage (or downsize elsewhere I guess).

Hindsight really is a wonderful thing. My advice is to have a partner/family or friends who can give you good advice and try to look at the bigger picture.

@PersonaNonGarter

People who have no regrets have not suffered bereavement

not true.

I am sorry that is your experience, but it is not true of everyone.

I heard someone on the radio recently being asked this question.
She said something along the lines of - you can't go back and change it, so you learn from it and move forward. Everything shapes who you are now.

I agree. I am mid fifties. Life hasn't always gone according to plan. In some ways I would go back and do/not do stuff, but then I wouldn't be me.

I am at peace with the life I have lived so far.

I'm not sure whether I have regrets. I sometimes think there is a regret but then a few years pass and I don't think I would change anything if I had the chance.

@PersonaNonGarter

People who have no regrets have not suffered bereavement

I don't understand this... you can't stop the person from dying, so how can it be a regret?

I hate the smug never have any regrets mob. If you don’t regret mistakes how do you learn from them? I regret tons of stuff, but I’ve learned from it and moved on. Even worse is the “you only regret the things you don’t do” bollox. If I decided to tombstone off the top of durdle door, there’s a very high chance I’d come to regret it.

I very much doubt there’s anyone who can say they’ve never once looked back at their life and thought ‘if I had my time again I’d do that differently’ or ‘I wonder what would have happened if…’ or ‘I wish I had/hadn’t done that’.

But I think it’s what you do with those feelings that determine whether they’re regrets. If you’re at peace with them then I don’t think they amount to regrets.

I think the same as lots of others - yes there are things I would do differently but no, I have no real regrets. My worst mistakes/life events have contributed significantly to the person I am now (not without a lot of self-reflection and effort) and while I'm far from perfect I rather like who I am now. Can't have one without the other.

I have hurt people in the past (never in a life-changing way) but I've apologised for this and we've all moved on. While I've been silly/thoughtless I've never acted in malice, which helps limit damage I think.

I like the mantra 'be kind' and kindness is a value I place great importance on. It's a bit of an overused trope these days (and too often used to shut down justifiable disagreement, which can be made respectfully and isn't in itself automatically unkind), but I genuinely believe if we were all kinder there would be far fewer regrets.

Everyone will regret something or other

My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 26, he had lived his life fairly selfishly, worked very long hours, had missed a lot of us growing up and he was also very materialistic.
When he began his end of life care in hospital, all he wanted was his kids, dogs and wife around him. He openly admitted he regretted not spending as much time with us as he could and now it was too late. It’s sad that people prioritise the wrong thing sometimes and only realise when it’s too late.

We regret what we don’t do, not what we do. I have the policy of saying yes to everything I want so have minimal regrets.

People who have no regrets aren't very grown up and can come across as arrogant.

I used to envy those 'no regrets' type people until it dawned on my (as the scales fell from my eyes regarding my narc sibling) that living life without regrets just means a life lived with a 'fuck you' attitude.

Regrets ? I have a few, but then again, too few to mention.......

Sure I look back and wonder what I could have done differently but that's pretty much hindsight for you. You can't know what you know now until you know it now. Which wasn't then and not at the age or stage or maturity one is now so one can look back.

I have some terrible regrets.
But I've made some decisions along the way that turned out to be completely wrong, with awful lifelong consequences for me.
I know they were always made with the knowledge I had at the time, and best intentions, and realise now that many of them were clouded by my history of abuse, and bipolar disorder which was undiagnosed for years and years.
I try not to dwell, but some days I'm haunted, bitter and sad..
My biggest regret is not being able to save my DS from suicide. I will never recover from that.

I have a few regrets re life choices which I either made or didn’t make or was nervous about making and now it’s too late.

But a few of those decisions were borne out of not wanting to be eg in a certain situation eg single mother like my mother or her friends were.

I mean I’m happy to a certain degree but wish I’d taken the plunge a bit more.

I do regret not leaving certain jobs, sticking with certain men etc